My wife just told me she sleeped with someone else?

[energizer bunny]

Someone with some common sense.



HE WASN'T GOING OUT WITH HER WHEN SHE HAD INTERCOURSE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THEREFORE, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. IT WAS NOT CHEATING.

YES, SHE LIED. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE SHE WAS SCARED. Why do you think she would cry once a year about it??? REMORSE you twit. Does it mean she slept with more people? NO. absolutely not.
^^ I'm sorry about the caps lock for anyone else reading this. I know how annoying it is. I just really don't understand how to make my point any clearer.

IMO the OP needs to get the hell off steroid .com and go talk to his wife about this.

.... This is an obvious example of why divorce rates are climbing over 50% for straight couples within North America.

You finally realized you don't have your "virgin-princess" anymore.. and now "you can't even look at her the same".... cry me river.

BOLD.......just because she cried doesnt mean that she hasnt slept with more people....and just because she cried doesnt mean its remorse YOU TWIT!!

[DS21]

so

you bugged her for yrs, asked her multiple times.

she tells you

you then say you wish she never did tell you?

you finally got the answer you didn't want to hear.

and if that's the case, why keep asking - if it's not what you wanted to hear?

It was one of those times that I wish I was wrong but wasn't.

[DS21]

I think there is more going on here than just this.

Bro, Do you suspect she fooked around with anyone else. 8 years is a long time.

The daugher in the pic is also complicated.

Honestly, I've never thought so besides that night. But mind dose wonder now, which isn't fun.

[BG]

Two wrongs dont make it right, but would it make you feel better? Go even the score.

[peteroy01]

I think you're being the foolish one.

Telling the guy to just suck it up, and stop being a baby.
I said more then once in my post to get professional help, because I take it seriously.

The guy is having serious feelings on the subject and telling him to quit his whinning and stay together for the kids isn't nessicarily the correct answer.

I was only validating his feelings as I'm sure it's tough to deal with for him. I think professional help is the answer to see if they can move past this.

Sometimes things like this can push people apart in a relationship, lead to fighting and an unstable home enviroment for the child and be worse in the long run...you really think all marriages with children involved should stay together, cause I don't. It's the best option if the two people can find happiness together. My answer is professional help with the hope their relationship can move forward. People don't have control over their feelings, or what makes them fall out of love.

thats what the intelligent(sober) part of me thinks^^^^^^^

the asshole part(drunk) thinks- get ready to go out with the boys and right b4 u walk out tell her "we are separated" and go screw somebody you always wanted to screw. then dont tell her for 8 yrs.

[DS21]

Who knows you're getting the whole story now?
She should have been honest with you once you were back together.
I'd be hurt by it, but having a daughter means you are obligated to at least try to move on. Seek professional marriage advise and try to work it out. I don't think it's just pride, it's tough to feel the same intensity of love again with question marks in the realtionship. What would bother me the most is after the months of being together she didn't feel strongly enough about me not to go looking for strange penis. Maybe that dude just banged her and kicked her to the curb and that's the only reason she's with me, not out of love. My brain goes all over the place with this shit so I can understand the difficulty getting over stuff.
If she's being truthful now, she only slept with one other guy when you weren't together. She only kissed one other guy when you were together and you've been happy for many years now with her. You've gotta decide how far down the rabbit hole you want to go with this shit. You might find you are a lot happier now with your family then you will be a year from now without them if you don't seek some counceling.

From what I've read it's always better to keep a one time mystake a secret...the honesty is almost never appreciated and the feeling of betrayal undermine a relationship. You wouldn't be with her in all likelyhood if she told you.

Those are the things I ask myself time and time again.

["Maximus"]

Bro look... To the extent of my knowledge, none of us here are "Marriage Counselors" nor we are "Certified Family Therapists", period! ..There's been a lot of good advice and honest/tried personal opinion given throughout your thread but just seek "Professional/Marital" help and support for the sake of yourself and your family bro!

If you really love your DAUGHTER, your WIFE, and finally, yourself... do as adviced!

Best

["Maximus"]

..I'm not bashing on you (or anyone), so don't take my opinion personal! It is a heart felt advice bro!

[DSM4Life]

Two wrongs dont make it right, but would it make you feel better? Go even the score.

Nope wouldn't work. He loves her so after he did sleep with someone else it would just make him feel even worse.

[DEE151]

if she cheated on you once already what makes you think that she wont do it again or even think about doing it again?
if it was me i would not trust her but thats just me

[DS21]

Someone with some common sense.



HE WASN'T GOING OUT WITH HER WHEN SHE HAD INTERCOURSE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THEREFORE, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. IT WAS NOT CHEATING.

YES, SHE LIED. IT WAS OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE SHE WAS SCARED. Why do you think she would cry once a year about it??? REMORSE you twit. Does it mean she slept with more people? NO. absolutely not.

^^ I'm sorry about the caps lock for anyone else reading this. I know how annoying it is. I just really don't understand how to make my point any clearer.

IMO the OP needs to get the hell off steroid .com and go talk to his wife about this.

.... This is an obvious example of why divorce rates are climbing over 50% for straight couples within North America.

You finally realized you don't have your "virgin-princess" anymore.. and now "you can't even look at her the same".... cry me river.

Again, you are just stupid. Lieing is the hard part to get past not so much the cheating or sleeping with someone else.

[DS21]

Two wrongs dont make it right, but would it make you feel better? Go even the score.

She's given me the option. I think if I do it, I want to make sure that would make it better, not just make me think about doing it more often. So I don't know if it would.

[DSM4Life]

She's given me the option. I think if I do it, I want to make sure that would make it better, not just make me think about doing it more often. So I don't know if it would.

Trust me, it wont make you feel better.

[Mooseman33]

man only do it if u truly want ur marriage to end.

as spoken above, if u love ur child, and love ur wife, then u will find a way to make it work. do not allow one event 8.5 years ago to destroy all u have built.

going out to even the score is the worse advice i have seen, even if she gives u the choice..
i wish u all the best man, and as Kratos said, seek prof. advice...

[energizer bunny]

Dont sleep with anyone else to get revenge for her sleeping with that guy.......you were on a break........i thought it was the lieing you couldnt take......sleeping with someone else will not make things better.........

[DS21]

Dont sleep with anyone else to get revenge for her sleeping with that guy.......you were on a break........i thought it was the lieing you couldnt take......sleeping with someone else will not make things better.........

That's why I haven't done it.

[Flagg]

I think im about the only guy that agrees with Vitruvian Man on this.

Are you guys even reading the OP's opening post? This woman has not cheated on him. She slept with a guy during a period that neither of them were going out. How is that so hard for anyone to understand?

[energizer bunny]

hey Flagg i understand that fully........my opinions are based on her lieing.....im 100% against him doing anything in revenge for her sleeping with another guy.......

[Flagg]

hey Flagg i understand that fully........my opinions are based on her lieing.....im 100% against him doing anything in revenge for her sleeping with another guy.......

Yeah but what is it she is exactly lying about? Lying about sleeping with a guy when she wasn't seeing him? Do you tell every girl you meet about every single girl you've slept with before?

[energizer bunny]

Yeah but what is it she is exactly lying about? Lying about sleeping with a guy when she wasn't seeing him? Do you tell every girl you meet about every single girl you've slept with before?

i see what you saying...but why tell him now?......she new how he would react......i think she wanted this reaction? maybe shes not happy and knows this could be the way out?

[Flagg]

i see what you saying...but why tell him now?......she new how he would react......i think she wanted this reaction? Maybe shes not happy and knows this could be the way out?

edit.....

Actually no. I edited something cause im a bit drunk and i thought it was probably wrong, but now I think about it I don't. Maybe you're right, but what I think is that this guy is simply pissed off that this girl that was this precious virgin to him has dared to sleep with someone else when they weren't together. She's probably kept this to himself because he sounds like a control freak and she's probably scared. But to be honest, the overwhelming majority are encouraging him to ruin his family for the sake of saving some insecure pride.

[Vitruvian-Man]

Again, you are just stupid. Lieing is the hard part to get past not so much the cheating or sleeping with someone else.

At least I'm not the grown man whining on a steroid forum about the fact that my wife kept 1 thing from me, and slept with another man.... 8 YEARS AGO!!

Tough life.

BooHoo.

[DS21]

I think im about the only guy that agrees with Vitruvian Man on this.

Are you guys even reading the OP's opening post? This woman has not cheated on him. She slept with a guy during a period that neither of them were going out. How is that so hard for anyone to understand?

I guess it would depend on how you look at cheating. She kissed this guy when we were together, then slept with the same guy. The only reason I broke up with her was because I felt she did something that night, and just couldn't believe her when she said nothing happened. The only reason I got back with her was becuase she said again nothing happened.

If we broke up and then she slept with a guy, then fine, I wouldn't feel that I would've been lied to. But that isn't the way it worked out, and that is why I'm upset or feel betrayed by her.

[DS21]

At least I'm not the grown man whining on a steroid forum about the fact that my wife kept 1 thing from me, and slept with another man.... 8 YEARS AGO!!

Tough life.

BooHoo.

Just fck off.

[Flagg]

I guess it would depend on how you look at cheating. She kissed this guy when we were together, then slept with the same guy. The only reason I broke up with her was because I felt she did something that night, and just couldn't believe her when she said nothing happened. The only reason I got back with her was becuase she said again nothing happened.

If we broke up and then she slept with a guy, then fine, I wouldn't feel that I would've been lied to. But that isn't the way it worked out, and that is why I'm upset or feel betrayed by her.

I personally think you are losing far more by ditching her then you would gain, but it seems as if your mind is set.

[DS21]

edit.....

Actually no. I edited something cause im a bit drunk and i thought it was probably wrong, but now I think about it I don't. Maybe you're right, but what I think is that this guy is simply pissed off that this girl that was this precious virgin to him has dared to sleep with someone else when they weren't together. She's probably kept this to himself because he sounds like a control freak and she's probably scared. But to be honest, the overwhelming majority are encouraging him to ruin his family for the sake of saving some insecure pride.

To be honest, I'm probably the least controling guy ever. Maybe now that might change, due to me not being able to truley trust what she says, evne if she is telling me the truth. But I think that is understandable after being lied to.

I moved out for about a month and a half, and I just recently moved back in, and it is hard somedays to be back. I want it to go back to the way it was, but can't ever see that happening, and this is what makes it so hard to figure out, knowing the relationship will never be the same. I still love here, but just can't really trust her.

[DS21]

I personally think you are losing far more by ditching her then you would gain, but it seems as if your mind is set.

Truthfully my mind isn't set. I'm trying to make it work, but seems so hard to accept a life that I don't think I want to live (mainly, not being able to trust her).

[energizer bunny]

for a relationship to work you need both.....LOVE+TRUST=GOOD RELATIONSHIP

[Flagg]

To be honest, I'm probably the least controling guy ever. Maybe now that might change, due to me not being able to truley trust what she says, evne if she is telling me the truth. But I think that is understandable after being lied to.

I moved out for about a month and a half, and I just recently moved back in, and it is hard somedays to be back. I want it to go back to the way it was, but can't ever see that happening, and this is what makes it so hard to figure out, knowing the relationship will never be the same. I still love here, but just can't really trust her.

Okay well try this. Try living apart for awhile. Like a trial seperation. Say, 3 months. See how you feel then. If you can manage just fine, you know what to do. If you can't live without each other...then I guess you know what to do there as well.

[Flagg]

for a relationship to work you need both.....LOVE+TRUST=GOOD RELATIONSHIP

No I agree with you here mate, trust is probably more important than even love..once trust is violated, it turns into something that consumes you. In my opinion, I dont think there is a trust issue here BUT im not this guy. If this guy feels hurt by it, then who am I to judge. Prehaps a trial seperation would sort things out. Trust is hard to get back, but people also dont know a good thing until its gone. Cant really say fairer than that eh?

[energizer bunny]

For me trust would be numero uno!! but i have trust issues now.....so im very sinical about realtionships.....i think they are a waste of time and energy......obviously my thinking will prob change as i get older but for now thats how it is.....

[ghettoboyd]

this all seem so frigin immarure.....i mean really 8 years ago?wtf?...maybee just maybee she has been fathfull ever since.....is that not a possibillity?.....you obviously never trusted her and where happy before so whats changed?...yea she lied i get that but maybee shes actually really sorry and knows she ****ed up.....she has spent the last 8 years trying to please you and your daughter...dose she even get any credit for that?....does she always lie to you or was it just that one thing over the years.....she made a mistake and you have made her pay for it for a long time.......maybee ive got it all wrong and she's a kiniving lieing little whore or maybee shes just made a poor disission during a moment of weakness and is really sorry....if you would get down off of your pride for a second and realize she is human and capable of mistakes maybee you could forgive her.....but probable not cus your mad and hurt or whatever so you will let your emotions rule your logic....grow up man....(yeh, i know f u c k me)

[DOM6]

^^^^^^ exactly......better to be apart and happy...then together and miserable......

if your together and miserable than end it, but who says if you stay together for the kids you will fight? you will if your a emotionally unstable little girl that has to get the last word, but it that is the real reason there shouldnt be a fight in you no more,
You think im going to leave my kids hanging and destroy there security cause of im not happy, what kind of kidshit, selfishness is that, i would never hurt my kids for a poor excuse like that, being a dad starts by thinking of thereself last,
anyone says differently is probaly a half of dad

were you married at the time????
And bro this aint the 60's where women actually get with 1 man nomore

[Vettester]

Truthfully my mind isn't set. I'm trying to make it work, but seems so hard to accept a life that I don't think I want to live (mainly, not being able to trust her).

DS, like I posted earlier, there's two (2) options.
Stay and put it behind, or
Leave the relationship and move on.

Counseling is a GREAT option, please think about it.

By saying that you're "trying" to make it work is stating that you've made this a conditional relationship, based on how your perception is and what your accusations are. Truthfully, I'm trying to establish what it is she really did that was so wrong, since after all you guys were not an item at the time. DS, seriously, if a Kathy Ireland ditto (or whoever turns the crank) hit on you during that same time, would you have not found yourself there too? And if so, would you tell your wife about it if she showed some emotional distress about the thought of anyone else? Hope you can find peace with the matter.

[DOM6]

Tell me 1 thing bro
Why after 8yrs are you still asking her?
Did you know the guy? is he still around? Was he family?
8 years and still asking her, theres a reason, What is it?

[DS21]

this all seem so frigin immarure.....i mean really 8 years ago?wtf?...maybee just maybee she has been fathfull ever since.....is that not a possibillity?.....you obviously never trusted her and where happy before so whats changed?...yea she lied i get that but maybee shes actually really sorry and knows she ****ed up.....she has spent the last 8 years trying to please you and your daughter...dose she even get any credit for that?....does she always lie to you or was it just that one thing over the years.....she made a mistake and you have made her pay for it for a long time.......maybee ive got it all wrong and she's a kiniving lieing little whore or maybee shes just made a poor disission during a moment of weakness and is really sorry....if you would get down off of your pride for a second and realize she is human and capable of mistakes maybee you could forgive her.....but probable not cus your mad and hurt or whatever so you will let your emotions rule your logic....grow up man....(yeh, i know f u c k me)

Actually I'm not going to say fck you, and I do give her some credit for what she has done for me over the past 8 years, and that is why I am trying to give her a second chance, and she is a great women, but in my eyes, at this moment, she is a liar. It is something I'm having a very hard time accepting.

I don't get how I've made her pay for a mistake she made 8 years ago? I've given her plenty of opportunities to come clean. If I had slept with another women and she asked me if I've ever cheated, it would be a lot easier for me to say yes, then just coming out and saying it, and I did that plenty of times for her. I knew I was right, but wanted to believe her when she would tell me nothing happened, and that's why when it crossed my mind once a year or two years I would ask. Of course I wanted her to say no when I would ask, but now that I know I was right all along, I feel like all the other things that I may dought are actually true. I'm sure everyone has had suspisions or dought when someone the are with tells them something or what they were doing. It crosses my mind once in awhile, but now I think I'm right since I was right then and she lied to me so easily before.

[diamond]

i think if u honestly love her, u will forgive her! my dad was my moms 1st... and throught the marriage he cheated on my mom with STRIPPERS!!!!! yea.. and he was a drunk. but my mom stayed with him for 18yrs.. she did her best to keep things together.. not just for us, but bcoz she loved him. and it took her years to get over it wen it did end. and she was in therapy.... self-esteem issues. it wont make u feel good to get even.. trust me i tried that and u will regret it.

now u do have to stay with her.. no.. maybe sum time apart will let u think about how much u really love her. once u date sum1 else u might just see that most women out ther ( im a girl trust me i kno) are bitches and sluts...

she yes hurt u.. but the nxt girl could do worse.. she could sleep with ur bro.. or slept with 30 guyys b4 u. im 21 and i've been with 8 guys... and thats normal.. lol i think...
u might not find a girl like her again bro.. think a lot b4 u make any decisions...

good luck..

[diamond]

im not gonna lie im in a similar situation with a guy right now ..
i fuked up.. and he's mad at me lol ... and i only waited a couple months...

[DS21]

DS, like I posted earlier, there's two (2) options.
Stay and put it behind, or
Leave the relationship and move on.

Counseling is a GREAT option, please think about it.

By saying that you're "trying" to make it work is stating that you've made this a conditional relationship, based on how your perception is and what your accusations are. Truthfully, I'm trying to establish what it is she really did that was so wrong, since after all you guys were not an item at the time. DS, seriously, if a Kathy Ireland ditto (or whoever turns the crank) hit on you during that same time, would you have not found yourself there too? And if so, would you tell your wife about it if she showed some emotional distress about the thought of anyone else? Hope you can find peace with the matter.

I appreciate the info, and I do think counseling will be a good idea. But to answer your question about what she did that was wrong is she felt the need to meet someone else when we were together for a few months. We were already telling eachother we loved eachother, she would sleep at my house every night, we spent all of our free time together, and she goes and hooks up with another guy. Of course I would question what she did, she was suppost to come to my house that night, and I don't even get a call until the next day. My first thought was maybe she got rapped or hurt that night, then I say her and knew something had happened, and that is why I broke up with her. All she had to do is tell me she kissed a guy, I'm so sorry, not go and sleep with the same guy that causes us to break up. Then comes back to me and lies to my face when I asked her is anything happened that night. I still feel like she may have slept with this guy that night? I just can't believe that she just kissed this guy and then went home, and forgot to call me to tell me she wasn't coming by. Trust is a hard thing to get back if it is even possible, and the most painfull part is not being able to trust her.

[DOM6]

wait you 2 werent even living with each other yet? look bro you were not even a family yet, leave it alone, you were her first then 4 months later you really think she was thinking of you being her last?, what if that was you and shes been with a couple guys and she was your first? Sounds like the 3month itch wore off and she did what every woman/man/human does.