My wife just told me she sleeped with someone else?

[DS21]

My wife and I have been together for 8 years, and about 7 1/2 years ago we broke up because I thought she cheated on me. I've never forgot about that night and would always bring it up at least once a year. So she finally tells me that she did kiss a guy that night. Then during the time I broke up with her, she sleeped with him. She is telling me that she was lonely, and it ment nothing to her, she just wanted to not be sad. She is also telling me that after they sleeped together she broke it off immediatley, because she knew she wanted to be with me, and then did everything she could to get back with me.

Her cheating on me is hard, but we were only together for a few months. The part I am having such a difficult time with is the lieing. I asked before I took her back if anything happened that night, and she said no. I've asked for countless times about that night and she always made me feel like shit for asking her, like I was doing something wrong. Lieing is something I've never accepted from anyone.

We have a daughter together, and I love her a lot, but I just can't look at her the same. All of these years I've thought I was the only guy that has sleeped with her, and that ment a lot to me. Now it's not true, and I just don't know what to do in this situation.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

[ni4ni]

everybody fvcks up bro...

[Vitruvian-Man]

Bro... who cares.

You were split up. She had sex with plenty of men before you. That's just one more one night stand.

Let it go.

Don't let something as silly as this interfere with your marriage. you have a damn child.

Your wife has been faithful to you for 8 years. IMO you're the one who needs to grow up...

[diamond]

at the beginning of the relationship? and shes ben with u for about 8 years after and just you?

[diamond]

i would really worry then.. she's committed now.. thats wats important... and she did tell you...

[DS21]

Bro... who cares.

You were split up. She had sex with plenty of men before you. That's just one more one night stand.

Let it go.

Don't let something as silly as this interfere with your marriage. you have a damn child.

Your wife has been faithful to you for 8 years. IMO you're the one who needs to grow up...

The thing is she was a virgin when I meet her and I married thinking I was the only one that sleep with her. The reason we split up was because she cheated on me with the same guy she sleeps with, and I"m being silly?

Have you ever been cheated on or lied to? It is hard to believe someone when they lied to your face countless times, and maybe integrety doesn't mean much to you, but it means everything to me.

[DS21]

i would really worry then.. she's committed now.. thats wats important... and she did tell you...

I agree she did tell me, which I wish she didn't, but she also lied to me for the same amount of time we've been together. And that is the hard part for me to get past.

[ni4ni]

i"m being silly?

yes...
agree w/ diamond!!

[Vitruvian-Man]

The thing is she was a virgin when I meet her and I married thinking I was the only one that sleep with her. The reason we split up was because she cheated on me with the same guy she sleeps with, and I"m being silly?

Have you ever been cheated on or lied to? It is hard to believe someone when they lied to your face countless times, and maybe integrety doesn't mean much to you, but it means everything to me.

Actually it sounds to me like you've got some insecurity issues.

From the sounds of it you are just upset because you aren't the only one who tapped that ass. That's awfully controlling.

Let me repeat: get over it and move on. it means nothing in the long run.

Wipe away the tears, go give your daughter a hug, and forgive your wife. It will be the best decision of your life.

[RangersLTW]

HMM....interesting...this seems more like your pride was hurt...I understand your point....I think you should let it go though....its a mistake and she didn't tell you because she did not want to get you mad probably....

[diamond]

yea.. but she told you!!!.. i kno most women would lie and just not care...

i've had guys cheat on me b4.. i cheated.. not sex wise, but i did kiss sum1 else.
now adays.. just be happy that she's only been with 2 men and not 20...or 30 lol
ur up[set now.. ans i dnt blame u to be upset.. but this is so small compared to all the other things u guys will go thro in life. its a bump in the road. women put up with btheir cheating husbands all the time..
worst can happen..ohk.. i gave up my virginity to this guy.. that cheated on me with his ex.. i would go over( have sex) and when i went home.. the other girl would go over right after ..he slept wit both of us in the same day all the time for 5-6 months!!!! he u kno how i found out.. she called me and told me everything....

[rockinred]

While I agree that you should move on and put it in the past. I will add that you have a scar. You can't heal it anymore and it is visible, but you have to move on and deal with it. If you can salvage the marriage I recommend that.

I believe in basing a relationship out of trust. That is a big deal... I think it is really hard to move on when you know you can't trust someone. The only way to know how to go forward, is to assess her as a person and the overall situation. We won't ever know this part to give you good advice.

[stack_it]

I was cheated on in a 6 year relationship. B happy it was in the beginning. Also she did not cheat on you. She only lied to you. Remember you were split up. I understand that your hurt about u not being the only one she's slept with now but lives full of disappointments. Also your the one who has been harping on asking here about it for 7 years. You should have left well enough alone

[diamond]

i didnt put up with it btw.. i left that f**ker.. but my story was worse

[DS21]

Actually it sounds to me like you've got some insecurity issues.

From the sounds of it you are just upset because you aren't the only one who tapped that ass. That's awfully controlling.

Let me repeat: get over it and move on. it means nothing in the long run.

Wipe away the tears, go give your daughter a hug, and forgive your wife. It will be the best decision of your life.

I'm guessing that you've never put so much faith into a person, and then you find out that they have been lieing to you about something you've known for the majority of the time you've known them?

Beleive me man, there isn't anything else that I want then to forget about it and move on, but the problem is I can't even look at her. I remember about a year ago I asked her what really happened that night, and she started crying and asking me why I just don't believer her when she says nothing happened that night, she said I was making her feel like a whore. I felt so bad, but the part is I was right.

I'm not an insecure guy by any means, it is hard to accept when you've thought for 8 years that you were the only guy to sleep with the women you love, and I"ve always felt something special about that, then you find out that it isn't true.

[DS21]

yea.. but she told you!!!.. i kno most women would lie and just not care...

i've had guys cheat on me b4.. i cheated.. not sex wise, but i did kiss sum1 else.
now adays.. just be happy that she's only been with 2 men and not 20...or 30 lol
ur up[set now.. ans i dnt blame u to be upset.. but this is so small compared to all the other things u guys will go thro in life. its a bump in the road. women put up with btheir cheating husbands all the time..
worst can happen..ohk.. i gave up my virginity to this guy.. that cheated on me with his ex.. i would go over( have sex) and when i went home.. the other girl would go over right after ..he slept wit both of us in the same day all the time for 5-6 months!!!! he u kno how i found out.. she called me and told me everything....

She did lie, for almost 8 years, and that is the part that is so hard to get passed. If she would've just told me then, yes maybe we wouldn't be together now, but I would've had the opportunity to choose then if I wanted to be with her or not.

[PistolPete33]

If you guys were broken up and she sleeps with someone then that is NOT cheating!!! Who cares if she slept with other people? Chances are that if she has only been with you then she will get curious and possibly cheat. Why should she have even told you about this? It really doesn't change who she is.

[DS21]

While I agree that you should move on and put it in the past. I will add that you have a scar. You can't heal it anymore and it is visible, but you have to move on and deal with it. If you can salvage the marriage I recommend that.

I believe in basing a relationship out of trust. That is a big deal... I think it is really hard to move on when you know you can't trust someone. The only way to know how to go forward, is to assess her as a person and the overall situation. We won't ever know this part to give you good advice.

That is really good advise, and I truely appreciate it!!

[DS21]

[QUOTE=PistolPete33;4876605]If you guys were broken up and she sleeps with someone then that is NOT cheating!!!QUOTE]

Do you really believe this in this situation. The reason we broke up was because she hooked up with this guy when we were together. Then sleeped with him right after we broke up.

But again, her sleeping with someone else isn't the big issue, it is her lieing to me about it for so many years.

[diamond]

maybe she felt embarrassed.. i didnt want to tell guys that i had sex after being with that jackass...and u prolly made a big thing about it making her more scared. its odd but how men react to us women.. we freak out. we get scared bro.. we leave or we lie lol
see that lil girl u have.. wouldnt have happened without a lie. sumtimes bad things happen and a lil good comes from it ...its life. just be happy its all good now. worry about wats happening 2day...

[redz]

If it were me I wouldnt be happy at all. I would throw her to the curb but after I got off the Tren I would likely have to re-think the situation. Seriously good luck to you man I dont know if I would be strong enough to deal with something like that, I can imagine wanting to leave.

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

[Flagg]

Mate, this was EIGHT YEARS AGO. And it was during a period when you weren't even together, no matter how short that was, how is that cheating? I'd wager you were both very different people 8 years ago to what you are now. Let it go. It was nearly a decade ago and you have the beginnings of a family now. That seems much more important over your wounded pride over something pretty trivial?

[redz]

How old is your daughter?

[Flagg]

I think you have one of two options. Ditch her, tell yourself that you feel better now that you wont be taken for a fool again over an incident that happened 8 years ago when you two weren't even together, and watch your daughter grow up wondering why there is only parent around.

OR, get over it and live happily ever after.

[redz]

OR, get over it and live happily ever after.

I dont think its quite that simple. But a serious decision non the less with serious implications. You dont have to stay with the mother to be a good father.

[tobetutz]

Cut your losses. Once a liar always a liar.. She did it before and she will do it again. I agree with Redz "You dont have to stay with the mother to be a good father"

[Flagg]

Im sorry Redz and Toebutz but I think you are giving this guy terrible advice here. Honestly guys how old are you? Do you have families, are you parents? Because its my understanding that the best environment for a child is in a stable family and household with both parents present.

If she slept with someone for like a year during their 8 year relationship then I could understand him making a tough decision. We're talking about a fling that this girl had WHEN THEY WERE SEPERATED.

And you're telling him to throw away his family over some bullshit pride? Yeah im sure his daughter would agree in 15 years time.

[redz]

Yeah im sure his daughter would agree in 15 years time.
Reply With Quote

I dont think you can fairly say that. The op may not be able to just let go of what ahppened and staying with his wife could be a long rocky road. Thigns are not as simple as you claim.

[redz]

I think I would be more mad about the years of liying than the cheating itself.

[Flagg]

I dont think you can fairly say that. The op may not be able to just let go of what ahppened and staying with his wife could be a long rocky road. Thigns are not as simple as you claim.

What are we exactly talking about here? Something that happened when these two were in their early twenties, their late teens? They are probably in their late twenties to early thirties now. And this looks very clear cut to me. She slept with another guy when they split up. She didnt stay with this guy, she got back with the OP. Now they have a daughter. This thread stinks of insecurity and not just from the OP.

[Flagg]

I think I would be more mad about the years of liying than the cheating itself.

Have you never told a lie in your life before? Everyone lies every day of there life. Prehaps if the OP wasn't such a paranoid headcase then his partner might not fear telling him. Alternatively, she might not have considered it a big deal, which in my opinion it isn't.

[redz]

This thread stinks of insecurity and not just from the OP.
Reply With Quote

Not syure what you mean about this, but the original poster is confused and wants input so I`m giving him some. Its an open forum..... I`m hapily maried by the way and it would destroy me to find out something like this happened.

[Cloe85]

8 years is a long time to keep up a lie. I'd be pissed.

[gixxerboy1]

8 years is a long time to keep up a lie. I'd be pissed.

true but if they weren't together why did she have to tell him? Because he asked?

also tormenting her and asking her year after year is a horrible thing to do. Even if he was correct. What if he wasn't how long was he going to drill her.

hell maybe she just said she did so you will stop accusing her all the time

granted i wouldn't be happy about it but it wouldn't end my marriage. And big deal you aren't the only guy she has been with. Being a virgin isn't some magical gift. Hell i don't think i would even want to be married to a girl who i was the only guy ever.

[DSM4Life]

The thing is she was a virgin when I meet her and I married thinking I was the only one that sleep with her. The reason we split up was because she cheated on me with the same guy she sleeps with, and I"m being silly?

Have you ever been cheated on or lied to? It is hard to believe someone when they lied to your face countless times, and maybe integrety doesn't mean much to you, but it means everything to me.

I have been cheated on. Was one of the hardest things i had to deal with in life. I still love the person but would i ever trust them again 100% ? Never...

[CBGB]

Relationships are built on trust. This will leave a large scar. How will you know if she has been lying about other things. I would have a difficult time dealing with it personally.
But, has this woman given you a happy life? Did she give you the gift of a child? Can you imagine yourself being with anybody else....for the rest of your life? If she has given you all of these things, maybe it's worth working this out. Kiss your wife and tell her that it's going to be ok. She's hurting too.

[DOM6]

My wife and I have been together for 8 years, and about 7 1/2 years ago we broke up because I thought she cheated on me. I've never forgot about that night and would always bring it up at least once a year. So she finally tells me that she did kiss a guy that night. Then during the time I broke up with her, she sleeped with him. She is telling me that she was lonely, and it ment nothing to her, she just wanted to not be sad. She is also telling me that after they sleeped together she broke it off immediatley, because she knew she wanted to be with me, and then did everything she could to get back with me.

Her cheating on me is hard, but we were only together for a few months. The part I am having such a difficult time with is the lieing. I asked before I took her back if anything happened that night, and she said no. I've asked for countless times about that night and she always made me feel like shit for asking her, like I was doing something wrong. Lieing is something I've never accepted from anyone.

We have a daughter together, and I love her a lot, but I just can't look at her the same. All of these years I've thought I was the only guy that has sleeped with her, and that ment a lot to me. Now it's not true, and I just don't know what to do in this situation.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

So you broke up with her cause you thought she was cheating? and so she did?
Was this the same guy that you broke up for?
Did you have your daughter then?

[Vitruvian-Man]

I think you're insane.

You're talking about ruining a stable family, and ruining a young girl's adolescent life.

Grow up, and grow a pair for God's sake.

She didn't want to tell you because she was probably terrified of what you would say!

That only attests to how much of judgmental person you must be.

Go to marriage counseling if you can't deal with the "harsh" reality that your wife slept like ONE person... over 8 bloody YEARS ago... and kept it from you out of fear for your relationship, and family.

I think this is one of the most ludicrous things I've ever heard: "If she would've just told me then, yes maybe we wouldn't be together now, but I would've had the opportunity to choose then if I wanted to be with her or not."

You sound like a really, really caring father.

Crazy!!!!

[DOM6]

keep her for your kids sake, then when your kid goes to college, boot the bitch