Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 41 to 67 of 67
  1. #41
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    Her mom just died, 30 mins ago...

  2. #42
    MrMayhem's Avatar
    MrMayhem is offline Associate Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    171
    Quote Originally Posted by Atomini View Post
    Her mom just died, 30 mins ago...
    Damn bro. Im sorry to hear that. I really am.
    Cant really offer advice and where to go.
    All I really know to say is stay strong for her and her family. Above all just be sure that her, her family, and her father know that you're there and they can lean on you if need be.
    Last edited by MrMayhem; 08-21-2012 at 05:33 AM. Reason: typo

  3. #43
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    I know... I have not felt the way I am feeling now in a very long time.

  4. #44
    lovbyts's Avatar
    lovbyts is offline Knowledgeable Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    30,208
    Condolences to her and family. I know it's a little soon but now you can see where things go without all the drama in a short time. I say this with experience. My mom just passes away last September due to cancer and I know all the drama and emotions that can go along with it so no disrespect meant due to timing.

    Good luck on however you decide to deal with it.

  5. #45
    Lunk1's Avatar
    Lunk1 is offline aka "JOB"
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    METHAMERICA
    Posts
    16,396
    I am so sorry to hear that this was the outcome. I have no doubt she will remember your friendship in her toughest time. I go back to my earlier advice of funeral, flowers and a cold beer for the old man and when the smoke clears who knows. Like some others on here I have a feeling the both of you have some true feelings for one another but sometimes timings a bitch! Good Luck Brother!!!

  6. #46
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    I sent flowers this morning and she got them. Just waiting now to hear on funeral arrangements.

    I feel like shit, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I'm surprised I continued driving on my way to work when I got the text this morning. I'm surprised I pushed through a leg workout today. I feel so drained and tired, I feel like just sleeping for days. I'm not hungry at all, I have to force all my food down, and I have no motivation for anything at the moment. I haven't felt like this in such a long time that i'm not sure how to deal with it.

  7. #47
    gixxerboy1's Avatar
    gixxerboy1 is offline ~VET~ Extraordinaire~
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    32,803
    Unfortunately i have been to many funerals. IMO There is no way to "deal" with it. Just go with and and with time it gets better.
    If people can't tell your on steroids then your doing them wrong

  8. #48
    Shol'va's Avatar
    Shol'va is offline Productive Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    A Rock And A Hard Place
    Posts
    8,925
    I agree with Gixxer on this one. Go to the hospital to pay respects even if you cannot see her at least maybe someone in the family will see you came and know you care. It's the right thing to do. Hey you can also send a bouquet of flowers to her room as well. That way you will know in your heart you did what you could to pay respects. And let it go at that. Also you can pay your respects when she passes as well by going to the funeral.

  9. #49
    jasc's Avatar
    jasc is offline Welcome to the Good Life
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    8,319
    Quote Originally Posted by Atomini
    Her mom just died, 30 mins ago...
    Quote Originally Posted by Shol'va
    I agree with Gixxer on this one. Go to the hospital to pay respects even if you cannot see her at least maybe someone in the family will see you came and know you care. It's the right thing to do. Hey you can also send a bouquet of flowers to her room as well. That way you will know in your heart you did what you could to pay respects. And let it go at that. Also you can pay your respects when she passes as well by going to the funeral.
    I think you're a page behind my friend.

  10. #50
    MuscleInk's Avatar
    MuscleInk is offline Knowledgeable Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    A rock & a hard place
    Posts
    13,449
    Atomini,

    Last year I lost a very close relative to hepatocellular adenocarcinoma. I hadn't seen her in over four years. My career, education, and realtionship challenges in California just kept me away. Everything became a priority but my close relative. She had lost her husband 18 months earlier to metastatic colorectal cancer. I had helped her and her family through the ordeal making recommendations for the best treatment and when she couldn't get a straight prognosis from doctors in Canada, I gave it to her straight - as painful as it was to do. She was extremely grateful that I didn't sugar coat his prognosis and it gave her a reality check and the necessary outlook to spend the last few months with the most important person in her life.

    In late May, she was diagnosed with liver cancer. Several members in my family turned to me for treatment options and a straight forward diagnosis. Based on her condition, I didn't give her long to live. At the end of June, I spoke to her son who told me her condition was grave - as I expected. Without any further hesitation, I got on a plane and flew over night to her bed side. She didn't know I was coming. No one did. I simply showed up. For four days prior to my arrival, she was mostly nonresponsive due to pain management protocols. Shortly after I arrived, she awoke. She got out of her bed and came to the living room and sat with me for several hours. She was jaundice and weak, but nonetheless, so happy to see me. She said she had hoped I would come but didn't think I would be able to. She was so happy to see me. We talked for hours before, but in her weakened condition, she eventually returned to her bed. I sat with her for three mour hours holding her hand while she slept. Just before I left, I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her.

    She passed away that same night. When I returned to the house the next morning, her youngest sister met me at the door with tears streaming down her face. I knew the inevitable had happened. Her sister looked at me and said, "she held on just to see you". It felt like someone had punched me in the center of the heart. I was deflated. I wished I had come sooner, spent more time, but I was grateful for the few hours I did have to say good bye and remember her.

    No matter how busy your life is, please find the time to go to this woman. You will be glad you did, and more importantly, she will be grateful to see you one last time.

  11. #51
    Shol'va's Avatar
    Shol'va is offline Productive Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    A Rock And A Hard Place
    Posts
    8,925
    Quote Originally Posted by jasc View Post
    I think you're a page behind my friend.
    Story of my life. day late and dollar short. In that case he can just follow my last sentence and pay respects at the funeral.

  12. #52
    Lunk1's Avatar
    Lunk1 is offline aka "JOB"
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    METHAMERICA
    Posts
    16,396
    Quote Originally Posted by Atomini View Post
    I sent flowers this morning and she got them. Just waiting now to hear on funeral arrangements.

    I feel like shit, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I'm surprised I continued driving on my way to work when I got the text this morning. I'm surprised I pushed through a leg workout today. I feel so drained and tired, I feel like just sleeping for days. I'm not hungry at all, I have to force all my food down, and I have no motivation for anything at the moment. I haven't felt like this in such a long time that i'm not sure how to deal with it.
    Hit the gym like a monster man. Like Gixx said, there is NO GOOD way to "deal" with it. It sounds cliche but, it take TIME! You have NO reason to feel like should! You should feel great about yourself. You were a true friend with a huge heart. Nothing more could have been asked of you. YOU my friend are being WAYYY to hard on youself!!!!

  13. #53
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    Viewing is on thursday at 7pm. Funeral is on friday at noon .

  14. #54
    Razor is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Carving Stone with Steel
    Posts
    7,787
    Quote Originally Posted by Atomini
    Viewing is on thursday at 7pm. Funeral is on friday at noon .
    I'm sorry man

  15. #55
    MuscleInk's Avatar
    MuscleInk is offline Knowledgeable Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    A rock & a hard place
    Posts
    13,449
    So sorry bro. Just caught up on the thread about her mom passing. That's terrible. I can relate to your pain. I have lost many people, including a daughter, which ripped a whole through my heart and will never be the same again.

    There simply aren't any words to ease your pain, but when I lost my daughter, people said a lot of things to try and ease my suffering. Nothing helped although a close friend did say to me, "something's in life we are meant to change, and something's are meant to change us". Losing my daughter changed me in ways I never imagined.

    In time, you will accept the loss and cope. It's never easy. For now, offer condolences to the family, provide what help or comfort you can. You cannot undo what has happened but you can show the family the kindness in your heart.

  16. #56
    MrMayhem's Avatar
    MrMayhem is offline Associate Member
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    171
    Quote Originally Posted by Atomini View Post
    I sent flowers this morning and she got them. Just waiting now to hear on funeral arrangements.

    I feel like shit, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. I'm surprised I continued driving on my way to work when I got the text this morning. I'm surprised I pushed through a leg workout today. I feel so drained and tired, I feel like just sleeping for days. I'm not hungry at all, I have to force all my food down, and I have no motivation for anything at the moment. I haven't felt like this in such a long time that i'm not sure how to deal with it.
    I believe you've done all you can and are doing all that you can. It sounds like you're managing to press on, which can be difficult. Just keep pushing man. We're all here to support you the best we can.
    Stay Strong, she's going to need you soon (Not that she doesn't now), I'm simply saying that she's probably doing some self-mending and being with her family and making preparations in light of everything, when the dust settles, she's gonna really need a good friend and support system.
    You seem to be a great friend Atomini.
    Stay Strong Brother. Press On.

  17. #57
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleInk View Post
    So sorry bro. Just caught up on the thread about her mom passing. That's terrible. I can relate to your pain. I have lost many people, including a daughter, which ripped a whole through my heart and will never be the same again.

    There simply aren't any words to ease your pain, but when I lost my daughter, people said a lot of things to try and ease my suffering. Nothing helped although a close friend did say to me, "something's in life we are meant to change, and something's are meant to change us". Losing my daughter changed me in ways I never imagined.

    In time, you will accept the loss and cope. It's never easy. For now, offer condolences to the family, provide what help or comfort you can. You cannot undo what has happened but you can show the family the kindness in your heart.
    A daughter... that is absolutely unspeakably horrible. I can't imagine that!

    I've had to go to a lot of funerals over the last 2 years. A lot of my buddies in the army over the last year and a half have died from causes unrelated to the military. A little over a year ago, one in my unit offed himself by laying himself down on some railroad tracks, had another friend only a few months later have heart failure (he was only 25 - no history of drug use of any kind), and about 4 months ago another friend died in a motorcycle crash.

    All were difficult to deal with, but this is something on a completely different level for me... obviously because this woman was pretty much a 2nd mother to me, and of course the relation I have with her daughter as well. I got a text from her the other day, she said this to me: "My mom held you in her heart like no other knowing from me the things you went thru. If there's anything that you can do, and not for me, this is coming from my mom from months ago, I remember exactly what she said. She was like " he's unaware of the ability he has to care for people, and we've all been hurt and the past will always be the past. And people will always hurt you or betray you but at the end of the day you only live once and I wish he would realize that and I wish he doesn't realize this too late." and she honestly she never ever held someone as close to her heart as she did you and I don't want you to forget that."


    The last time I felt this busted up about a death was when I was in Afghanistan in 2005 - lots of very bad things as you could imagine.

  18. #58
    gixxerboy1's Avatar
    gixxerboy1 is offline ~VET~ Extraordinaire~
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    32,803
    Reading that just gave me a knot in my throat
    If people can't tell your on steroids then your doing them wrong

  19. #59
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    Wake was last night. Funeral was 4 hours ago.

    Time to move on.

  20. #60
    RaginCajun's Avatar
    RaginCajun is offline Pissing Excellence!
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Deep Down South
    Posts
    23,624
    RIP. how ya holding up? emotions still running rampant?

  21. #61
    Lunk1's Avatar
    Lunk1 is offline aka "JOB"
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    METHAMERICA
    Posts
    16,396
    Quote Originally Posted by Atomini;612***3
    Wake was last night. Funeral was 4 hours ago.

    Time to move on.
    None of my business, did you go? How did things go? Keep you chin up man.

  22. #62
    Lunk1's Avatar
    Lunk1 is offline aka "JOB"
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    METHAMERICA
    Posts
    16,396
    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleInk View Post
    So sorry bro. Just caught up on the thread about her mom passing. That's terrible. I can relate to your pain. I have lost many people, including a daughter, which ripped a whole through my heart and will never be the same again.

    There simply aren't any words to ease your pain, but when I lost my daughter, people said a lot of things to try and ease my suffering. Nothing helped although a close friend did say to me, "something's in life we are meant to change, and something's are meant to change us". Losing my daughter changed me in ways I never imagined.

    In time, you will accept the loss and cope. It's never easy. For now, offer condolences to the family, provide what help or comfort you can. You cannot undo what has happened but you can show the family the kindness in your heart.
    Man Ink..I hated readding this again. I read your posts about it in another thread and I balled like a little baby and my heart hurt. My wife and I have one child (our daughter) and I can't even begin to fathem your pain. I am not sure I would have the strenght. I just wanted to tell you who truly sorry I am (as I'm starting to tear up again). Your faith must be strong. God Bless!!

  23. #63
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    Yes, I went. The wake was closed-casket. I feel that was a much better idea. I'm not sure if closed-casket is an Eastern Orthodox thing (as I mentioned the family is Romanian), but I was born into a Jewish family and its a rule to always have closed-casket. It is much better to have good memories of the person when they were alive and well than to stare depressingly at a corpse. After the wake last night, she asked me if I wanted to come back to the house with a few other people, but I said no and went home instead... can't do that. She even told me I didn't have to come to the funeral today if it was going to hurt me even more.

    But anyhow, i'm feeling much, much better now to be honest. Feels like a massive weight off my shoulders.

    Been studying for my exam tomorrow.

  24. #64
    RaginCajun's Avatar
    RaginCajun is offline Pissing Excellence!
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Deep Down South
    Posts
    23,624
    thats good to hear. good luck on ya exams and if it is on TREN , then i am sure you will ACE it!

  25. #65
    Lunk1's Avatar
    Lunk1 is offline aka "JOB"
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    METHAMERICA
    Posts
    16,396
    Quote Originally Posted by Atomini View Post
    Yes, I went. The wake was closed-casket. I feel that was a much better idea. I'm not sure if closed-casket is an Eastern Orthodox thing (as I mentioned the family is Romanian), but I was born into a Jewish family and its a rule to always have closed-casket. It is much better to have good memories of the person when they were alive and well than to stare depressingly at a corpse. After the wake last night, she asked me if I wanted to come back to the house with a few other people, but I said no and went home instead... can't do that. She even told me I didn't have to come to the funeral today if it was going to hurt me even more.

    But anyhow, i'm feeling much, much better now to be honest. Feels like a massive weight off my shoulders

    Been studying for my exam tomorrow.
    Good for you! Well on your way to healing already.

  26. #66
    Atomini's Avatar
    Atomini is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    GTA, Canada
    Posts
    6,121
    And the guilt trip continues... she has me guilting about something again. I'm going to wait for all this to blow over... people don't think correctly during times like these.

    I did horribly on my exam today, by the way!!! Hahah, all this crap put me a whole week behind on my studying and it really showed today. Good thing is, I was told that if I get less than 50% on the exam, I qualify for a re-write! So, lets hope I got less than 50%! I'm pretty sure I hit the mark lower than that. I was spending far too much time on various problems (this is a calculus level math exam by the way), and there was a good 4 or 5 pages left of problems and questions I didn't end up answering at all because of time limitations. How sad does that sound?

    I'm going to make sure that NOTHING gets in the way of my studying during the week prior to my re-write! This is completely unacceptable by my standards!

  27. #67
    kelkel's Avatar
    kelkel is offline HRT Specialist ~ AR-Platinum Elite-Hall of Famer ~ No Source Checks
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    East Coast Dungeon
    Posts
    30,111
    Atomini remember one thing, and I'll keep it simple as you've received some good advice above from respected members:

    "This is not your fault!"

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •