Toughts of suicide after unresolve back pain

[STYLE74]

Suicide is not the answer sonar...don't do it. You will hurt people that care alot about you, don't be selfish. You will get through this, just be strong!

[JC.1987]

I usually never comment in a thread like this for there is very little one can do on the internet to help but…

YOU ARE A BLAZING IDIOT! You think u have it bad because ur back hurts and u cant lift!? WTF that is PATHETIC… and here, let me tell you why.

AT my gym, EVERY DAY from 11am to 1pm there is a kid he comes in .. EVERY ****ING DAY! And guess what, he is in a wheel chair… he has Muscular dystrophy and will be lucky to make it to 40 plus he can barely control his fvcking stick on his electric wheel chair to move around... due to the fact he shakes SO BAD! Yet he is there EVERY DAY for 2 to even 3hrs.

He moves his wheel chair up to a machine he wishes to use... even though he struggles he still manages to get out of his wheel chair, into the machine he has chosen and performs his chosen exercise… and he does it WELL. His head will be shaking, his feet will be kicking but what ever muscle he is working... He WORKS IT W/ CONTROL!

I have spoken w/ this kid (young man) on many occasions.. GREAT GUY, very intelligent, especially when it comes to physiology and the like and is apparently more of a man than you. Here let me give you an example. One day when he was leaving the gym after his 2+hr training session he was trying to open the door by him self (and he was having a bich of a time). I offered to help him and guess what he said to me... "No thank you I can manage." and after another 3 or 4 minutes he was able to get the door open and be on his marry way... to wait out side for the city transportation to come pick him up.

So just when you think u have it bad enough to end ur own life and hurt all those who care about you more than you could ever possibly imagine... I want you to think about this person I have spoken of and at least strive to be half the person he is, for even though he is already sentenced to die at a young age… giving up is the LAST THING on his mind. So u know what I could personally care less about you offing ur self, its those you hurt around you I feel sorry for, but hey if you can think real hard and can not come up w/ a single name of a person who gives more than a flying fvck about you… go ahead… play in traffic and clean out our gene pool.

same thing at my old gym. There was a dude who i think had muscle distrophy, and was in a wheelchair, yet he tried his best and did very well in his workouts.

[sonar1234]

taiboxa i know i have it bad and lots has happened i really dont care about your opinion you are very rude.

You will pay for this cause what goes around comes around, and flaming people like this is not normal.

I cared for my dying father and he took is last breath in my arms thats enought to shake anyone life.

I hope you die the same way he did you fukking idiot

[sonar1234]

Now for the rest of the good people on this board, last night i got a grip on myself, i went to the clinic and explained my case.

Of course the first thing they wanted to give me was some pills, the doctor there called my chiro, and when i got home my chiro called me up.

He told me that back pain is a long process to resolve and that since a lot of emotions where involved during that time 2006 that there is an underlying cause.

The main reason why no MRI was given to me is because he really doesnt see any needs for it, since the x rays show no arthritis and other.

I guess its normal at some point to start asking questions about life and why its so hard, i feel some great sadness to read some of your personal stories and its really sad to see the many are on the same boat has me.

I really hope that when life does end there is a better place for each of us.

[Doc.Sust]

sonar, i cant tell you this enough...as a chiro myself, when i have a case like this i send out for an MRI no questions asked and if the results coe back bad, i refer to an orthopedic or a neuro. this is what you dr should be doing for you, YOU CANT SEE SOFT TISSUE ON AN X-RAY!! it may be mulitple herniations or bulges that are causing your pain, only way to know for sure is an mri, even though you dont have radicular pain doesnt mean it isnt a disc problem, i have seen disc present it self without radiculitis in the extremities many times, get an mri, it is a step in the right direction. if the film comes back with nothing on it, you can seek help from pain management, and if it comes back with something, than you can at least figure a plan of what you need to do and who you need to see for help.

[JC.1987]

taiboxa i know i have it bad and lots has happened i really dont care about your opinion you are very rude.

You will pay for this cause what goes around comes around, and flaming people like this is not normal.

I cared for my dying father and he took is last breath in my arms thats enought to shake anyone life.

I hope you die the same way he did you fukking idiot

i dont tihnk taiboxa was intending to flame you, he was just showing you that even though some people have it bad, theres always someone out there who has it a little bit worse.
However, back pain IS something that can cause alot of greif in ones life, but you shouldnt want to end your own life because of that. There are things you can do to deal with it, and as someone suggested earlier it could even be clinical depression. There are many paths to take other than the road of suicide, but you must find the answer within yourself. And remember...things always look the darkest before dawn.

[sonar1234]

Well Taiboxa had a really weird way of pointing out is point. You dont tell people that they are fukking idiots when they are depressed, i seen many people on depression and you can be has tough has you want when depression strikes it strikes, even for the weak has Quitstorm says.

Theses people dont know the meaning of pain, walking up each day with a nagging pain, when you are an active person and you fukked up by lifting to heavy and you get injured your whole life changes, fact that you get fat, out of shape, and you cant enjoy the simple things in life like taking a walk with your girlfriend really ruins a life.

Theses idiots train each day and enjoy there life but get them injured and they will be the first to cry out for pitty.

You cant talk til you lived it, very sad cause after i read some of your replies i see many in the same boat has me.

Some day they will pay the price, its called karma.

Doc sust my chiro agreed to send me for an MRI, he said that if my insurance can cover it he will send me to a private clinic thats around 600$ for the MRI and he said that i bets is career which is 30 years long that the test will come back negative.

He sends people on a regular basis for MRI but since i show no need for the test thats why he didnt want to send me.

I need to find out of my insurance covers the MRI if it does i dont care what the chiro says i will get that test done.

Thanks again guys.

[Red Ketchup]

Doc sust my chiro agreed to send me for an MRI, he said that if my insurance can cover it he will send me to a private clinic thats around 600$ for the MRI and he said that i bets is career which is 30 years long that the test will come back negative.

Bro, I think getting that MRI and a second, third and fourth opinion from doctors, surgeons, neurologists... is the way to go. DOC Sust kindly gave you a "second opinion".

Never put all your eggs in the same basket, I made that mistake with my eyes and sourly regretted it.

As for Tai, come on bro... don't take it that way. He's trying to help in his own way... you know there is no "cookie cutter" way to help someone out of a depression... some people need to be reassured, some need to be coddled out, and some need a good boot to the head... you may not like his approach, but don't be angry at him for trying and caring.

Just my 2 cents worth

Red

[sonar1234]

Thanks, has i said i went everywhere and thats really sad cause most doctors will give you pain killers, and other drugs that really help while you are on them but wont fix the problem.

I dont think you help a person telling them to jump infront of a train and that you dont give a fukk, anyways who cares turn the page.

I got some depression pills to take, i am against it and will try to get over my depression state without the pills if i find it to hard i will take them but for now i dont want to take drugs.

I am starting massage therapy on Wednesday with chiropractic, and i will go for that MRI even if i have to pay for it.

[taiboxa]

taiboxa i know i have it bad and lots has happened i really dont care about your opinion you are very rude.

You will pay for this cause what goes around comes around, and flaming people like this is not normal.

I cared for my dying father and he took is last breath in my arms thats enought to shake anyone life.

I hope you die the same way he did you fukking idiot

yes i am a firm believer in karma.. its how i live my life... im sorry you are so sensitive that you fail to recognize how good you have it. are you in a wheel chair? can you drive YOUR own vehicle.. can you fix your own meals? sure it might hurt a lil to move but atleast YOU CAN DO IT...

if you really are 34.. you sure seem like you havnt lived very much of it... usually as people get older.. they get wiser and are able to recognize the blessings that have been bestowed upon them even if they are subtle.

Well Taiboxa had a really weird way of pointing out is point. You dont tell people that they are fukking idiots when they are depressed, i seen many people on depression and you can be has tough has you want when depression strikes it strikes, even for the weak has Quitstorm says.

Your perogative, I have never seen a law nor golden rule against telling someone they are an idiot when they are contemplating something so foolish. Infact i think its quite standard that someone who is thinking of such a selfish act should be reffered to as something far worse. Depression is difficult and this is a fact, but it should never come to the point of suicide... that is just assanine.

Theses people dont know the meaning of pain, walking up each day with a nagging pain, when you are an active person and you fukked up by lifting to heavy and you get injured your whole life changes, fact that you get fat, out of shape, and you cant enjoy the simple things in life like taking a walk with your girlfriend really ruins a life.

Theses idiots train each day and enjoy there life but get them injured and they will be the first to cry out for pitty.

Your true ignorance is shining like a brilliant beacon here. THESE IDIOTS? If you are making a reference about the person whom i spoke of or someone who has a disorder placed on them such as Muscular distrophy... and then say that they will go crying if they get injured? I surely hope im mistaking about the fact that i even remotely think u have just referred to them as IDIOTS, for atleast you can still open a door in under 8minutes! (i truly hope i missread this)

You cant talk til you lived it, very sad cause after i read some of your replies i see many in the same boat has me.

I have lost my older brother when i was younger (and that is all i will say on this), i have lost both of my closest friends. One to a freak accident of drowning in 4ft of water(no one knows wtf happned, autopsy indicated nothing outta the norm).. and the other killd him self over a GIRL at age 19. he locked himself in his truck infront of his parents, lil sister and his GF at the time who was leaving him and basically BLEW his brains out right infront of them as they were trying to get him outta his truck.
and thats just scratching the surface.

But seroiusly.. with all this melodramatic bull being said.. PLEASE GROW SOME BALLS MAN!

[taiboxa]

As for Tai, come on bro... don't take it that way. He's trying to help in his own way... you know there is no "cookie cutter" way to help someone out of a depression... some people need to be reassured, some need to be coddled out, and some need a good boot to the head... you may not like his approach, but don't be angry at him for trying and caring.

Red

Tough Love is the best love for growth. all that soft shit will only hold one back and cause dependency issues.

[Deluge1]

Tai, you need to relax man. 80% of suicides are from people with depression, so I'm not sure how you can say it should never lead to something that extreme. IT's not an isolated case...

I completely understand the message you're trying to convey but just let it go man, you're not helping. The most important thing right now is the guys mental health....

Pick your battles man.

Sonar you need to be in therapy ASAP no matter the financial cost, it should be the number one priority in your life right now and if you continue to have thoughts of suicide please consider medication, even if its only for the short term.

If your mother is depressed now just think what it would do to her losing a son to suicide...

Good luck man

[nbkandrew13]

enhance your calm everyone, lol

[goodcents]

[QUOTE=sonar1234]I been everywhere guys everywhere, osteopath, chiro, massage therapist, acuponcutre, and more.

I have to go see a doctor but the thing is he is going to give me pills and i dont want that.

Life has been very hard since 2006 lost my dad to cancer, my favorite pet cat found dead on my bed, my mother is depressive and that on going back pain.

I really think that life sucks and if its a test well it really sucks has well, i never been so depressed in my life.[/QUOTE]


I have said those very same words many times. Tried od'ing on sleeping pills and set with one or even 2 pistols against my head every day for a few years. I didn't hear any women troubles so at least thats not in it? I got over it and so will you. The bltch of it is that you think people don't want to be around you so you act all depressed and then people really don't want to be around you so it's a viscious circle
Me:
women fuking with my head
girl of 2 1/2 years left
new girls left
feeling old
chrohns (or whatever the doc of the week thinks it is)
severe back pain from arthritis (sound familar) (laying sod when I was a teen, now it hurts for life)
business failing, then doing good, then failing (back and forth)
people around me liking me for what they can get (hey, it is what it is )
Could go on and on. Now I have 18 and 19 yr old mistress's that sure make life a little more fun

[goodcents]

Ps, my back is killing me today and I have arthritis (even have the ex-rays to prove it) stretching will go a long ways towards helping
ps, I have a fat gut lately and not getting near the pussy I use to, so what though

[goodcents]

Don't even get me started on my sex drive lately

[goodcents]

Try hearing this while you're trying to fuk "it's alright, we can try later"

[goodcents]

Now for the rest of the good people on this board, last night i got a grip on myself, i went to the clinic and explained my case.

Of course the first thing they wanted to give me was some pills, the doctor there called my chiro, and when i got home my chiro called me up.

He told me that back pain is a long process to resolve and that since a lot of emotions where involved during that time 2006 that there is an underlying cause.

The main reason why no MRI was given to me is because he really doesnt see any needs for it, since the x rays show no arthritis and other.

I guess its normal at some point to start asking questions about life and why its so hard, i feel some great sadness to read some of your personal stories and its really sad to see the many are on the same boat has me.

I really hope that when life does end there is a better place for each of us.

I have put into bold the problem. Everything is me or I You only think about yourself! I went through the same shit and you have to step out of your thinking

[Timm1704]

as much as depressive people annoy me, i also have alot of respect for the power it can have, and the damage it can cause. This will likely sound lame, but its the truth, and will illustrate my point:
The last time I used clomid i suffered really bad depression, but found comfort in the fact that it was only temporary (although i was very scared that there was no light at the end of the tunnel). No matter what i kept telling myself, I was so depressed, and gave up on life as it seemed so futile. I could not see reason, and was a right mess. Luckily it lasted less than a month, and was bought upon due to my temporary hormone shifts. I suddenly realised how bad life must be for those who are officially clinically depressed.

Sonar I hope things work out for you, as far as your back goes, it will for sure get less painful, as the MRI will show anything that is wrong with it, I cant believe your chiro didnt send you sooner.

Before i had my shoulder surgery 3 years ago, my physio couldnt diagnose the problem, so i went to a specialist/surgeon. he couldnt spot the problem either, neither could an XRAY, MRI, or even me standing in a lecture theatre, half naked, whilst about 7 different surgeons and a hall full of medical students all looking over my results and symptoms. even all that could not find a problem. My surgeon took an educated guess, and after abit of poking and prodding, he was 98% sure he was on to something. he opened me up, operated, and fixed me.

Nothing gets me down like an injury that just wont subside, i suffered with that shoulder problem for well over a year.

I am actually currently suffering with the same shoulder right now, unrelated to surgery i believe. i get this kind of pain, and sense of dread that its something serious again, afew times each year, and then it subsides without a trace that there was ever any pain.

Just had a chest workout where i was in lots of discomfort and couldnt even manage to do any kind of presses. Sucks because I was supposed to start my first tren /prop cycle last week, and now am thinking i may not bother for the time being as i should get my shoulder sorted first.

[Pooks]

I think u deciding to get that MRI done is a great decision.
Only way to really know anything is with proof in your hands, that chiro is just assuming when he tells u not to take the MRI...

and ofcourse that lame old cliche, when u assume u make an ass out of u and me blahb alh blah haha good luck n keep us informed

[sonar1234]

Thanks guys

[Doc.Sust]

Well Taiboxa had a really weird way of pointing out is point. You dont tell people that they are fukking idiots when they are depressed, i seen many people on depression and you can be has tough has you want when depression strikes it strikes, even for the weak has Quitstorm says.

Theses people dont know the meaning of pain, walking up each day with a nagging pain, when you are an active person and you fukked up by lifting to heavy and you get injured your whole life changes, fact that you get fat, out of shape, and you cant enjoy the simple things in life like taking a walk with your girlfriend really ruins a life.

Theses idiots train each day and enjoy there life but get them injured and they will be the first to cry out for pitty.

You cant talk til you lived it, very sad cause after i read some of your replies i see many in the same boat has me.

Some day they will pay the price, its called karma.

Doc sust my chiro agreed to send me for an MRI, he said that if my insurance can cover it he will send me to a private clinic thats around 600$ for the MRI and he said that i bets is career which is 30 years long that the test will come back negative.

He sends people on a regular basis for MRI but since i show no need for the test thats why he didnt want to send me.

I need to find out of my insurance covers the MRI if it does i dont care what the chiro says i will get that test done.

Thanks again guys.

its about time he sends you. so if nothing comes up on the mri no big deal. at least you than know it is a muscloskeletal problem and not a neuro problem

[Doc.Sust]

I think u deciding to get that MRI done is a great decision.
Only way to really know anything is with proof in your hands, that chiro is just assuming when he tells u not to take the MRI...

and ofcourse that lame old cliche, when u assume u make an ass out of u and me blahb alh blah haha good luck n keep us informed

exactly!

[taiboxa]

Tai, you need to relax man. 80% of suicides are from people with depression, so I'm not sure how you can say it should never lead to something that extreme. IT's not an isolated case...

I completely understand the message you're trying to convey but just let it go man, you're not helping. The most important thing right now is the guys mental health....

Pick your battles man.

Sonar you need to be in therapy ASAP no matter the financial cost, it should be the number one priority in your life right now and if you continue to have thoughts of suicide please consider medication, even if its only for the short term.

If your mother is depressed now just think what it would do to her losing a son to suicide...

Good luck man

heh, i am relaxed... i can only remember one time i actually got worked up over something from the internet.. yet it was a comical event as well. with that said.. there are only a few things that i can NOT stand and at the top of that list would be "inconsiderate acts" and i will leave it at that.

[sonar1234]

Feeling better today, i didnt take the pills, i had a long talk with my girlfriend, and she said that i scare her when i talk about ending it all, its the pain talking the injury not me.

Today i went to get a deep tissue massage, i feel soooooo goooodddd, next is chiro session tomorrow and MRI on Tuesday next week, 600$ of it.

My massage therapist tells me that its not a good idea and that my pain is caused by bad posture and that since he last saw me about a year ago that my posture has changed dramatically and that the addition of 5-6 massages will make all the difference in the world.

Lets see what the future holds

[Timm1704]

how could an MRI not be a good idea? its not like one MRI will cause any harm

[K.Biz]

Feeling better today, i didnt take the pills, i had a long talk with my girlfriend, and she said that i scare her when i talk about ending it all, its the pain talking the injury not me.

Today i went to get a deep tissue massage, i feel soooooo goooodddd, next is chiro session tomorrow and MRI on Tuesday next week, 600$ of it.

My massage therapist tells me that its not a good idea and that my pain is caused by bad posture and that since he last saw me about a year ago that my posture has changed dramatically and that the addition of 5-6 massages will make all the difference in the world.

Lets see what the future holds

Your massage therapist is trying to make money bro. Go get an MRI. if you dont, your stupid. plain and simple. If you back pain is to the point of where you wanted to "end it all" you'll get an MRI for yourself, and dont listen to these massage therapist who think they can workout chronic back pain with there hands. do massages work? yes?. will they cure your problem? most likely no. so do yourself a favor get a MRI.

[goodcents]

Feeling better today, i didnt take the pills, i had a long talk with my girlfriend, and she said that i scare her when i talk about ending it all, its the pain talking the injury not me.

Today i went to get a deep tissue massage, i feel soooooo goooodddd, next is chiro session tomorrow and MRI on Tuesday next week, 600$ of it.

My massage therapist tells me that its not a good idea and that my pain is caused by bad posture and that since he last saw me about a year ago that my posture has changed dramatically and that the addition of 5-6 massages will make all the difference in the world.

Lets see what the future holds

Hell, you even have a girlfriend! wtf? Life should be good then if she sticks with you even thru this shlt. I would get over it before she gets tired of it and then you will be fuked up I don't even have a girlfriend (just alot of "buddies" )

[Doc.Sust]

keep us posted

[Red Ketchup]

My massage therapist tells me that its not a good idea and that my pain is caused by bad posture

How could an MRI not be a good idea??? Is your massage therapist a medical doctor? Does he have x-ray eyes to see inside your back? Look I'm not a fan of the medical establishment since they screwed me up but even I am raising a brow here...

Bro it's obvious you're into "alternative" medecine and all, but give traditional real medecine a chance before dismissing it. You got back pain, go for the obvious first (muscular and neurological).

Just my 2¢

Red

[Hellmaskbanned]

I can't believe you said you've tried everything and are willing to take you life, but you haven't even had an MRI to show what the problem is.....That's a very BASIC/COMMON procedure.

[taiboxa]

I can't believe you said you've tried everything and are willing to take you life, but you haven't even had an MRI to show what the problem is.....That's a very BASIC/COMMON procedure.

[Hellmaskbanned]

I don't get what your saying exactly?

If your argueing that an MRI is some advanced ancient chinese secret created by buddist monks that only the virgin child of jesus can only have access to......then your mistaken

It's usually like this....Owwie my elbow hurts....Doctor "lets have an xray"...Doctor " no fractures or anything negative"...Doctor " lets schedule an MRI".....From the MRI here's whats torn,Inflamed etc.....


Me >Tai

[C_Bino]

Get a damn MRI and get another docs opinion as well. I know ho wawful it feels to not be able to train when that is what you love. I had a nagging shoulder pain that progressively got worse and worse and worse. I finally got it checked out and of course that day it wasnt feeling too bad so the doc said its probably just some muscle strain and sent me to a sports doctor though. The sports doc sent me for x-rays and diagnosed my condition but said I need physio. I laughed and said no way man, this is what CAUSED the problem. Anyways, went and saw the physiotherapist. My shoulder was in so much pain for another week, couldnt even hold a phone to my ear or anything. Went back to the original doc who said the pain is normal after physio. Finally got referred to a 4th doctor who agreed with my diagnosis and said the same damn thing as everyone else, do some physio because you cant sure this.
He later apologized to me and said that he did some research into the rare condition and found out surgery will help. I got in to see the surgeon and go for surgery next month. But as of now Im in so much pain I have been put on pain meds because its not tolerable. My bone is deteriorating and if I hadnt gotten a few opinions I may have just been sitting here in anguish as you seem to be.
At least now I am on the path to resolving the issue.

Please do the same, go see a few docs and do everything you can.

[sonar1234]

MRI Tuesday 80% payed by insurance, keep you guys posted, 600$ ouch private clinic

THanks everyone

[Hellmaskbanned]

MRI Tuesday 80% payed by insurance, keep you guys posted, 600$ ouch private clinic

THanks everyone

Good to hear.

Hope it shows what's wrong so you can fix the problem.

[Mogamedogz]

You gotta fight bro... dont give up. Just look at this as your next great challenge in life.

You said you are into MMA... Draw on your experience bro. You know that winning the mental part of a fight, is just as important as winning the Physical battle.

This depression that you are fighting with is one BAD MUTHA'PHUCKA... but you can beat him with the "proper (mental) training". Just like any other opponent.

You put so much time and dedication into building up your body; now it is time to apply that same work ethic to your mind.

[taiboxa]

I don't get what your saying exactly?

If your argueing that an MRI is some advanced ancient chinese secret created by buddist monks that only the virgin child of jesus can only have access to......then your mistaken

It's usually like this....Owwie my elbow hurts....Doctor "lets have an xray"...Doctor " no fractures or anything negative"...Doctor " lets schedule an MRI".....From the MRI here's whats torn,Inflamed etc.....


Me >Tai

lol u suck at understanding forum emoticons!
= man wtf why didnt i catch that... (about contemplating suicide before even gettin an MRI done)
= this is geared towards the thread its self, as in i dont need to say anything anymore... its already been done.

seroiusly hellmask.. go play some more mmor..p..g? or something of the like! ><

[sonar1234]

You gotta fight bro... dont give up. Just look at this as your next great challenge in life.

You said you are into MMA... Draw on your experience bro. You know that winning the mental part of a fight, is just as important as winning the Physical battle.

This depression that you are fighting with is one BAD MUTHA'PHUCKA... but you can beat him with the "proper (mental) training". Just like any other opponent.

You put so much time and dedication into building up your body; now it is time to apply that same work ethic to your mind.

Thanks i am not into MMA at all beleive me i am a fan and thats about it, with the pain i cant do what theses amazing athletes do, train and all.

I would love to get into an MMA class and learn all this cool stuff, at 34 i did my competition when it mattered when i was in my 20 in tkd.

Has of now if health permits i just want to have fun and not stress myself with competition.

[Timm1704]

haha glad to see youve snapped out of those feelings sonar, injuries suck for all of us, but you will be back in the gym sooner rather than later, as the MRI will give you more of a direction as to what happens next