Cowboys Accountability Log

[Obs]

Damn taking on more work!
Abearican madass!

[Cowboymike]

Damn taking on more work!
Abearican madass!

If I work Saturday’s with the boys in Portland, just that will have me caught up by end of September with zero balance monies owed out... if I’m going to do Saturdays the summer is the ideal time as its to hot for me to do my hikes anyway. So no loss there. My girl gets lazier by the fucking day so I can already see the summers going to be all solo trips anyway. I’ll be broke until I get this shit paid off from over me so I’m not going to let her spend my money until at least after that. Which she’ll probably do anyway as the longer she sits the more shit shows up to the house in the mail... But I can just zip out 30min in any direction to catch a thousand different trail heads at 0300 on any Sunday and be done by breakfast without her slowing me down. So I’ll get my fill...

But if I add in taxi-ing again after the gym every night, it’s another couple hundy a day... I thought about being a bouncer again... but that’s guaranteed have to work until 3am and I can’t swing that with my current job and function during the day.

Once the IRS takes their boot off my head, I’m going to run my own shit again anyway and there’ll be no stopping me. There won’t be a need for weekends and nights unless I choose to.

I had some revelations in the hospital... it was the most bizarre experience I’ve ever had... Ive always heard of others fasting for spiritual purposes or realigning their body and becoming grounded and enlightened. I always thought they were fucking crazy... but I’ll be fucked if I didn’t have such a bizarre experience myself. It was as if the flood gates of knowing what to do, what’s to come, my choices to make, direction to take, where I turned wrong, how to redirect, when to redirect..... everything was crystal fucking clear... there were little emotions involved. No blubbering crying or shame or guilt for what’s to come or for what’s past... it was very direct and matter of fact and the knowledge that I can and will do everything that needs to be done. No voices, no heavenly angels lighting up my room, no fires in bushes... just very structured thoughts on repeat of what’s next. Crystal clear thoughts. A knowledge in my chest that it was true.

My next action items I will accomplish are

Getting rid of everything and everyone who is in my way. This includes thoughts, ideals, people, places and things... anything and everything that doesn’t and isn’t in support of driving me forward and toward my goals. Everything in the way or my allowing it to hold me back, will vanish from my life. No more anchors by the end of this year.

I will re-establish my stability, minus such anchors. Then get to work.

I will then write a book. It will be a true story minus crimes I or others can still be accountable for. It will be minus all things said to me in confidence and or items that I’m sworn by my word to take to my grave. Even against those who betrayed me. My word is their saving grace... But it will be raw. It will be true. It will be written in first person. I have lived 7 lives so far in this body. Lives 1-3 only briefly as there’s not much memory outside of abuses which hold zero emotional attachment anyway and my good memories from my ol cowboy of a grandpa who wasn’t even my blood and the ranch... Lives 4 & 5 I will write completely about in raw form... it will be the most impactful to the eyes around the world who need it in order to validate the story... to the common eyes I will be a disgusting and raunchy piece of shit who should’ve died one of the thousand times I should’ve died.... there will be critics. I will be raw and true anyway... life 6 will be briefly mentioned as it was my comeback story and I will touch 7 as I end with current events and these goals moving forward....

I will begin work in starting up a non-profit foundation. Any proceeds from the book will directly go to the foundation. After I tie them together I will then begin funding campaigns and presentations to prospect donors.

I will also start my own companies to generate the income needed to not only thrive but abundantly so... all additional monies outside of thriving will go directly to the foundation.

I will build a youth center for troubled youths. It will be fully equipped with ex-felons as mentors who’ve changed their lives. It will be staffed with psychiatrists, drug counselors, therapists, kitchen staff, RN’s and a full board of directors, as each will be needed to oversee their departments in order to effectively grow... the youth center will be a continuing education point. It will have most trade vocational training and mandatory money management courses. It will have a housing section to get kids off of the street. They will not be allowed their personal items while in this section of the center. Everyone will dress in provided clothing after they surrender their personal effects and then showers. They get their stuff back when they leave the center, in reverse process protocol. There will be no drugs brought into the center not already there from our medical staff... the center can serve as an after school hang out as parents work. There’ll be tutors available. There will be no political affiliation.... I have this entire center in my head, completely laid out and every detail is literally in my head all the way to the last light switch cover plate... the gym, the classes, the halls, the lighting, the housing, the outside activity areas, I can almost already see the details on the faces of the youth who will be coming...

I will then begin construction on a recovery ranch. Which will be an offshoot to the youth center... this will be a more intensive workshop location.. more in-depth... this will isolate the clients. They will be torn down completely and then rebuilt from the ground up. This ranch will house up to 500 clients... the details of this place will be filled in after the youth center is up and running...


This is my journey. This is my purpose. This is my legacy. I will put it on a vision board to see it everyday. I will spend at least 4 - 24 hour fasting trips per year, at a minimum, in the Forest and I’ll camp out over night. To remain in tune with mind body and spirit. To seek guidance and direction and to remain grounded within self. Hopefully enlightenment will continue to be a side effect ;0)

I feel my death is at age 77 on August the 4th.... I have no earthly partner at my death... so that gives me just about 35 years and a couple months to execute everything... that’s not much time at all... it’s going to be busy...

If the clarity wasn’t so matter of fact and clear... I’d probably assume I lost my mind... but I did not. I have never felt more clear headed or motivated. I’ve never felt such conviction and purpose. I’ve never felt so driven.... I will remove the anchors, distractions and anything threatening to prevent my forward progression....

All I wanted to know was why I felt so lost. So stagnate. So purposeless. Why life just went south and negativity runs rampant... I was gifted that I was simply off path. These feelings and thoughts are just a derivative and guiding factor that I am off my path and need to re-align and redirect.... so for future knowledge I will know. Too many blockades and distractions will result in the same and I’ll be losing sunlight to get shit done... time is of the essence. Stay the course.


Sorry for throwing up all over this lol... it needed to be written so it’s not just in my brain....

[Obs]

Its all 100% able to be done.
The people that started the local rescue mission couldn't afford their house payment and got a building donated they restored. It operate 100% on donations.

Drive is all it takes and getting dead weight off your back is key.
I been here.

1 in 10000 people are actually not dead weight.
My ex wife leaving and meeting my gf changed my entire game. I busted my ass to no avail until I met her. Now I just grow.

You have all it takes and a plan. You will make it happen as long as you never quit.

[Cowboymike]

Its all 100% able to be done.
The people that started the local rescue mission couldn't afford their house payment and got a building donated they restored. It operate 100% on donations.

Drive is all it takes and getting dead weight off your back is key.
I been here.

1 in 10000 people are actually not dead weight.
My ex wife leaving and meeting my gf changed my entire game. I busted my ass to no avail until I met her. Now I just grow.

You have all it takes and a plan. You will make it happen as long as you never quit.

I will never quit. It’s effin on like donkey Kong ;0)

I love that statement, ~now I just grow~

That’s where I need to get to. Cut the fat. Be in position to where, now I just grow.

I can see my anchors. I’ll remove people last. As in my past experiences I’ve witnessed people aligning towards commonality in goals before... so everything else will go first.

[Old Duffer]

[Family_guy]

Results from cut... I did screw with lighting in my pictures because my camera sucks.. as you can see in my starting cut cycle pics.. but of course I have originals on hand ;0)

I’m posting these as just part of my log update.

Starting cut pics:





End of cut:




Beginning pics from when I first started:




But now I look like this: but it’ll heal lol

God damn dude! That’s an amazing transformation!

[Cowboymike]

God damn dude! That’s an amazing transformation!

Thank you very much kind sir!

Now it’s time to build it all up... couple boulders here, couple there... ;0)

[Family_guy]

Thank you very much kind sir!

Now it’s time to build it all up... couple boulders here, couple there... ;0)

Also I really admire your drive and your vision. Not many people have “it” and you do. The passion you speak with about your vision for the future and how your going to accomplish it all is inspiring. I know you can do anything you want and you know it too!

[Cowboymike]

Also I really admire your drive and your vision. Not many people have “it” and you do. The passion you speak with about your vision for the future and how your going to accomplish it all is inspiring. I know you can do anything you want and you know it too!

That’s a fact brother... I know my battles are simply distraction.. blame it on the adhd.. or just a fast mind... but I’m my own nemesis and defeated mainly with distractions.. but I’m vowing to follow my todo list to all here and now. I got this! ;0)

Thank you for your words brother!

[Cowboymike]

Day 328

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
40mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma


Exact meals as yesterday:

Meals:
Meal 1 & 2 (shake)
Calories: 1,031
2 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 3
Calories: 380
2cups Creamy corn and red pepper
soup
1cup black cherry jello


Meal 4
Calories: 525
Macaroni and cheese 2.5 cup


Meal 5
Calories: 400
Applewood bacon and smashed potatoes


Meal 6
Calories: 440
4cup Creamy corn with roasted red pepper soup


I need to get the flying beck out of my house... I’m legit going stir crazy now. No joke... tomorrow I’m getting out of the house. Not just for a quick walk either... maybe I’ll just find a fire trail that I can mosey at my own leisure on... I gotta do something though. I’m losing my mind lol, I need to sweat. To feel burning in my muscles... to breathe like a bear in heat...

Nothing exciting to report activity-wise today folks. I’m going to be pretty basic on my repeating these foods until they’re gone.. starting Monday I’m dropping carb intake and going back to my high protein moderate fat and low protein way of eating... my body is now not responding to the carbs very well again...




Daily gratitude item:
Grateful to be able to drink water. On my own. More than a sip at a time.



8:00pm
50mg metoprolol (crushed)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.50 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 2,776
Protein: 143
Carbs: 415
Fiber: 37
Sugar: 152
Fat: 80

Workout:

Walked 1 mile around the neighborhood

I’m surrounded

[Cowboymike]

Day 329 (yesterday’s update)

My bad on the delay... I slipped into the forest for an overnighter.. I love my girl, just a little too much time together mixed with frustrations of healing and going stir crazy isn’t a good combo... so I just did a local over nighter... stared off into the fire all night and slept in my hammock.. no bug net even needed yet... easy fire road to get to the spot. Only 1/4 mile hike in... just the crackling fire and old cowboy rodeo songs on my iPod @ low volume... enjoying my new hearing ability in my freshly carved out ear with the new implant... every star was out last night. So bright... the rivers song mixed with the crackling fire and good music... put my soul right to rest... I think I enjoy my alone time a little too much...

Daily gratitude:
Grateful for the sense of hearing. In both ears. To enjoy the surround sound of nature with.


I’ll get today’s update in after I decide dinner... I think I’ll go head to the gym and test out the cardio machines...

[Proximal]

That ^^^^, is beautiful. Maybe it's the imbalanced hormones, but that almost brought a tear to my eye Cowboy.

[kelkel]

Did you take any pics Mike?

[Cowboymike]

That ^^^^, is beautiful. Maybe it's the imbalanced hormones, but that almost brought a tear to my eye Cowboy.

Lol.. I do say I’m finding it more and more necessary to shed the noise of reality for time to listen to silence... for it does indeed have much to say ;0)

[Cowboymike]

Did you take any pics Mike?

I actually didn’t even consider taking any... which is odd for me tbh...

[Cowboymike]

Day 330

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
12.5mg Aromasin , SpartaPharma
40mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma



Meals:
Meal 1 & 2 (shake)
Calories: 1,031
2 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 3
Calories: 560
1cup black cherry jello
4cup Creamy tomato soup


Meal 4
Calories: 1,181
4 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry



What a gorgeous day out today! Got a little time on the treadmill.. man, I wear out so fast! Wtf?!? It’s like someone uncorked my stamina reservoir and I’m starting from scratch...

This liquid diet is killing my sanity a bit though lol... I keep trying to cheat and just chew bigger foods longer to get it purée style... but my stomach sends it back. No pass... ugh... back to the drawing board... Ok, that’s the last time I’ll cry about it. Just needed to vent that at least one last time... time to suck it up and grab hold of the mental battle on this. Start turning it around.

Decided to take a few calls on the taxi side of things and made $52 in an hour... if that was the normal, I would literally just start driving instead lol.. feels good to have at least made some cash on my ass.

I return to work Monday. I can’t wait tbh. Get back into a normal schedule... well as normal as can be for this month at least...



Daily gratitude item:
Grateful for sunny days. It really is uplifting to my soul. Puts a pep in my thinking and in my step.



8:00pm
50mg metoprolol (BP meds)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.25 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 2,772
Protein: 259
Carbs: 244
Fiber: 43
Sugar: 139
Fat: 97

Workout:

25min treadmill. Mellow walk setting only. 2 miles.

[Cowboymike]

Day 331

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
12.5mg Aromasin , SpartaPharma (crushed)
40mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma (crushed)



Meals:
Meal 1 & 2 (shake)
Calories: 1,031
2 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 3
Calories: 360
1cup black cherry jello
2cup Creamy tomato soup


Meal 4
Calories: 1,181 (Shake)
4 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 5
Calories: 456
Puréed
4.5oz organic ground beef
1/4cup sliced mushrooms
2 cups cauliflower rice
1 bell pepper
1 chopped yellow onion
1tbsp better than bouillon



Nice day today. Had run all the errands and shopping for the work weeks lunches. Not a lot of meal prep will be necessary... just baggie up premix shakes I can put in my shaker bottle.. nothing fancy...

Sun was out and shining again. The flowers and plants I planted before going into the first surgery are even poking out of the ground now! Little sprouts. Pretty cool ;0)

I went for a short walk but ended up doubling up on it. I wanted to stay out longer but, I was ready for a nap too lol

Hope everyone’s having an excellent weekend so far.

Oh and an interesting side note, maybe tmi, but it’s my log so, my balls have just about quadrupled in size... no pain or anything... I just found it odd.. they bounce back a little always.. but these boys have grown bigger than normal.. not taking any hcg or clomid or anything... just trt, with my usual nolva /arom cocktail while my levels regulate... and my sex drive has gone through the roof... 3-4 times a day I just handle myself, to a once a time romp at night with the lady... it’s really quite odd tbh



Daily gratitude item:
Grateful to be able to eat a heartier meal tonight. Cooked it up and puréed it. Nice warm meal in my body. Ignited my brain a bit I will admit.



8:00pm
50mg metoprolol (Crushed)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.50 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 3,028
Protein: 279
Carbs: 227
Fiber: 47
Sugar: 126
Fat: 123


Workout:

2 miles local area walk. Flat ground.

[Cowboymike]

Day 332

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
40mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma (crushed)




Meals:
Meal 1 & 2 (shake)
Calories: 1,031
2 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 3
Calories: 360
1cup black cherry jello
2cup Creamy tomato soup


Meal 4
Calories: 1,181
4 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 5
Calories: 456
Puréed
4.5oz organic ground beef
1/4cup sliced mushrooms
2 cups cauliflower rice
1 bell pepper
1 chopped yellow onion
1tbsp better than bouillon



Simple day today. Nothing fancy. Just relaxed. Finished prepping the work truck and had the mother in law over for Mother’s Day. Talked to my mom and bagged up pre-made protein shakes for my meals tomorrow lol..

Today I just repeated my meals from yesterday. I got plenty of the same shit. I’m going to start dropping the sugars I’m intaking though. I’m getting a little come back on all that fat I burned off before I went under the knives..

Tomorrow I donate blood and hit the gym for cardio. Tuesday I’ll start messing with the 15lbs or less club.




Daily gratitude item:
Grateful I get to wake up and go to work tomorrow. Can’t wait for the week!



9:00pm
50mg metoprolol (BP meds)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.50 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 3,028
Protein: 279
Carbs: 227
Fiber: 47
Sugar: 126
Fat: 123


Workout:

2 miles local area walk. Flat ground.

[kelkel]

I must have missed something. What's up with the 40 mgs Nolva?

[Obs]

Day 332

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
40mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma (crushed)




Meals:
Meal 1 & 2 (shake)
Calories: 1,031
2 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 3
Calories: 360
1cup black cherry jello
2cup Creamy tomato soup


Meal 4
Calories: 1,181
4 servings whey concentrate, unflavored
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
16oz Isopure anytime protein, Apple Melon
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
3.5oz Açaí
1 medium Chiquita Banana
6oz baby spinach
2tbsp MCT oil
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 5
Calories: 456
Puréed
4.5oz organic ground beef
1/4cup sliced mushrooms
2 cups cauliflower rice
1 bell pepper
1 chopped yellow onion
1tbsp better than bouillon



Simple day today. Nothing fancy. Just relaxed. Finished prepping the work truck and had the mother in law over for Mother’s Day. Talked to my mom and bagged up pre-made protein shakes for my meals tomorrow lol..

Today I just repeated my meals from yesterday. I got plenty of the same shit. I’m going to start dropping the sugars I’m intaking though. I’m getting a little come back on all that fat I burned off before I went under the knives..

Tomorrow I donate blood and hit the gym for cardio. Tuesday I’ll start messing with the 15lbs or less club.




Daily gratitude item:
Grateful I get to wake up and go to work tomorrow. Can’t wait for the week!



9:00pm
50mg metoprolol (BP meds)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.50 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 3,028
Protein: 279
Carbs: 227
Fiber: 47
Sugar: 126
Fat: 123


Workout:

2 miles local area walk. Flat ground.

I donate tomorrow too.
Bout time.
I been feelin a little heart attacky and strokey at times lol

[Cowboymike]

I must have missed something. What's up with the 40 mgs Nolva?

I do a 40/20/10 when switching between cycle and trt... if I end my cycle using long esters. Incase my decrease in aromasin isn’t sufficient. I got caught before only using aromasin and my E spiked on me and gave me a flare up from hell. Stubborn as hell one. ever since then I incorporate nolva during the switch as insurance. Haven’t had a problem since. It’s possibly over kill going three weeks on with it. But I like to drop the aromasin as quickly as possible.

[Cowboymike]

I donate tomorrow too.
Bout time.
I been feelin a little heart attacky and strokey at times lol

How do you feel now? I actually have never really felt any relief before.. until tonights.. I actually feel relief

[Cowboymike]

Day 333

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
20mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma (crushed)


Meals:

Meal 1
Calories: 666
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz coconut milk
8oz Coconut water
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
1 scoop organic juice berry

1/4 cup steel cut oats
1 tsp monk fruit sweetener


Meal 2
Calories: 535
1cup strawberry jello

Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
8oz Coconut water
8oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood


Meal 3
Calories: 520
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
8oz Coconut water
8oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 4
Calories: 520
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
8oz Coconut water
8oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 5
Calories: 180
2 servings Simply Cambell’s chicken noodle soup blended


Meal 6
Calories: 200
2 servings simply Cambell’s savory vegetable chunky soup blended


Excellent first day back at work. I kicked ass and took no names. I was rewarded with a fun trip out to the eastern side of the state tomorrow for an over nighter. So I will be paid a higher travel rate with overtime guaranteed. Plus my overtime today and the cash I’ve been making playing taxi... the ol higher power definitely taking care of his boy and providing me with much needed funds. I’m grateful cant wait to get these bills paid off so I can breath again. I’ll be golden by September at this rate. It’s going to be nice not dropping 10k a year on medical related stuff... and I’m definitely feeling super positive that these last two are it...

Hoping there’s a gym out there. This is why I keep my 24hr membership alive. I know there’s at least one of those. I hate them, but I only pay $2 a month so it’s kind of stupid to get rid of it if I know I’m still going to be leaving the state in my life time. Even day passes are $10 in most places. I would really really really like to feel some blood get pumping in these muscles... I’m definitely tripping out on my fluff I’m seeing coating my abs... but, it could just still be swelling... but my brains not believing that lol...

Went in and gave blood tonight... time to get back into routine with my platelets donations again. Every 2 weeks. Until they shit me down for donating too much again lol.



Daily gratitude item:
Grateful to be utilized and feel useful even on light duty. Was a super busy day regardless and I pulled my weight.



9:00pm
50mg metoprolol (crushed)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.75 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 2,621
Protein: 296
Carbs: 235
Fiber: 63
Sugar: 97
Fat: 53


Workout:

Nothing

[kelkel]

I do a 40/20/10 when switching between cycle and trt... if I end my cycle using long esters. Incase my decrease in aromasin isn’t sufficient. I got caught before only using aromasin and my E spiked on me and gave me a flare up from hell. Stubborn as hell one. ever since then I incorporate nolva during the switch as insurance. Haven’t had a problem since. It’s possibly over kill going three weeks on with it. But I like to drop the aromasin as quickly as possible.

Ahh ok. Nolva should only take a few days to saturate. You should be able to run the higher dose for a handful of days and drop back to 10 mgs per day and be fine, imho. That said, I totally understand the paranoia.

[Obs]

How do you feel now? I actually have never really felt any relief before.. until tonights.. I actually feel relief

I can get a breath during physical activity.
Forgot my damn keys at the house to my lift I left on a job and pissed away my donate time. Have to reschedule.

[Cowboymike]

Ahh ok. Nolva should only take a few days to saturate. You should be able to run the higher dose for a handful of days and drop back to 10 mgs per day and be fine, imho. That said, I totally understand the paranoia.

It’s just so freaky to experience it... then it takes a lot of work to reverse and get rid of it... I never want to feel that again... you didn’t steer me wrong before, so I’ll definitely try out lowering it... I would love to save if I can as always ;0)

[Cowboymike]

I can get a breath during physical activity.
Forgot my damn keys at the house to my lift I left on a job and pissed away my donate time. Have to reschedule.

It’s refreshing ;0) and we get to help others in the process!

[Cowboymike]

Day 334

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
20mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma (crushed)



Meals:
Meal 1
Calories: 666
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz coconut milk
8oz Coconut water
8oz Aloe Vera Juice
1 scoop organic juice berry

1/4 cup steel cut oats
1 tsp monk fruit sweetener


Meal 2
Calories: 515
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
8oz Coconut water
8oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood


Meal 3
Calories: 410
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
16oz ISO-pure anytime protein


Meal 4
Calories: 520
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
8oz Coconut water
8oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 5
Calories: 180
2 servings Simply Cambell’s chicken noodle soup blended


Meal 6
Calories: 240
2cup Broccoli Cheese light


Well, the day was long and full of challenges. Got through it though and unfortunately really makes tomorrow a long long day... according to my timed production today... It will be 11 hours working, then 3 1/2 behind the windshield to get home... I showed up this morning and my parts needed to do my part were not here. So I had to wait for the shop to deliver them.. so I had an actual hour to work... I did do layout though which took a few hours and is one of my most unliked aspects about my work lol... but had plenty of time to do it... so I’m hoping I’ll find a groove that’ll help me speed up to get these hangers set to let the structural engineers get their building bracing up so they can put their roof on... Ive never done a building that pulls plastic on the bottom, then fill with insulation, then they put the roof on.... seems so odd to me...

It’s gorgeous out here. Even though it’s desert pretty much. It’s a cool kind of desert though...

Tried to find a gym out here... I was turned away by 3 spots because they said they don’t take out of town guests. Only local residents... even the planet effin fitness wouldn’t accept my $10 to just use the gym once! Dafuq?!? Maybe the universe is telling me I’m not ready for the gym yet...

So I guess I’m in for the night now lol...

I’ll catch an early bedtime and get on job site early in hopes to get out by a decent time and on my way home.

I see a lot of shit going on in here, want to catch up but I gotta catch up out here first lol


Daily gratitude item:
Grateful for being able to eat thicker soups now. I like warm food that has substance to it! I get so full so fast though. But at least I feel full! Excited



9:00pm
50mg metoprolol (crushed)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.50 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 2,531
Protein: 302
Carbs: 199
Fiber: 49
Sugar: 75
Fat: 57


Workout:

Couldn’t find a gym to take guests.. un-fuggin real

[Obs]

I'm a professional trainer, wholesale of steroid , HGH, Sex Supplements, weight loss pills, painkiller and lots more, hit me up on or +1 ( 716)5757134

Sent from my LG-F320L using Tapatalk

I will send you some spam calls william.
I can't believe you wanted more info on all those payday loan places.

[Obs]

I'm a professional trainer, wholesale of steroid , HGH, Sex Supplements, weight loss pills, painkiller and lots more, hit me up on or +1 ( 716)5757134

Sent from my LG-F320L using Tapatalk

Gimme a bit though gotta work till dark and I will sling your info all over.

[PeanutbutterDC]

I'm a professional trainer, wholesale of steroid , HGH, Sex Supplements, weight loss pills, painkiller and lots more, hit me up on or +1 ( 716)5757134

Sent from my LG-F320L using Tapatalk

Do people sell tramadol? It's still easy to get and you can't get high from it, but it *is* addictive, so there's that

[Obs]

Do people sell tramadol? It's still easy to get and you can't get high from it, but it *is* addictive, so there's that

You can get high from it.
Never ever ever do this but 10 will make you numb high and the angriest you have ever been.
I basically fell asleep yelling at people and knew exactly what was going on.

The levels it takes to produce this effect are borderline turning your liver off and unlike other things, you most likely wont come out of it.

Medical studies and dokturs do not know by what mechanism tramadol is hepatoxic at high dosages.

It is a unique feeling. Kinda like codine but pissed and superman feel then tired numb and angry.

[Obs]

I take that back... A light superman feel.
Like supermans cousin that never really measured up but is still made of steel.

[Cowboymike]

Day 335

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)
400mcg T4 (liquid)
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
10mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma (crushed)



Meals:
Meal 1
Calories: 875
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz coconut milk
8oz Coconut water
1 scoop terra kai, organic juice berry

16oz isopure anytime protein, apple melon
1 cup cranberry orange oatmeal


Meal 2
Calories: 220
1 cup cottage cheese, 365 organic brand


Meal 3
Calories: 535
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
8oz Coconut water
8oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry


Meal 4
Calories: 560
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz Coconut water
8oz coconut milk
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter


Meal 5
Calories: 380
2 cup Cambell’s Chicken noodle soup
2 cup Cambell’s savory vegetable chunky soup


Man I busted ass today and still fell short... I really wanted to go home tonight... it rained the entire day and I had no cover. Just 12hours getting dumped on lol... but fug it, got what I could get done and have to stay out here another night... I will for sure be done tomorrow though... only half day of work... but I’ll spend another couple hours adding a few changes I know will set whoever my installers will be for this job up for success by way of options. I will burn through extra material. But it’s low cost items and I don’t feel it’s screwing anyone over... maybe another $50-$60 on a $125k project... but it will allow options to help the process move along quicker hopefully and I’ll save the client on the backend by way of labor hours. So it’ll be more beneficial and save them quite a bit on that aspect..

I’m beat though. Looks like I’ll try out a couple energy drinks to help get me through and home... trying not to take in caffeine but, I’ll make an exception for tomorrow.... definitely slipping into the gym Saturday... enoughs enough... nothing big. Just 15lbs and shit ton of reps ;0) then some cardio....

I’m noticing as the swelling has been going down the water bloat has also been going... so I’m starting to cut up even though my calories have increased and my carbs are just about on the same level with my protein intake...

Looking forward to some relax time this weekend so I can catch up on all my reading from the forums. I’m missing my daily doses. But sleep keeps calling me immediately after I shower and eat...



Daily gratitude item:
Grateful to have individuals in my life that I can be 100% myself with. In the raw. Without judgement. Just simply allowing me to be me. Unedited, unfiltered.... The freedom that comes with that is unmeasurable



10:00pm
50mg metoprolol (crushed)
1 - 5-HTP Plus (crushed)
500mg L-Tyrosine (crushed)


Total water consumed until now:
1.75 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 2,570
Protein: 272
Carbs: 236
Fiber: 55
Sugar: 101
Fat: 58


Workout:

Nothing :0(

I need to feel the burn... I need to sweat... I need to feel the blood filling my veins again...

[Old Duffer]

And you need to rest brother

[PeanutbutterDC]

You can get high from it.
Never ever ever do this but 10 will make you numb high and the angriest you have ever been.
I basically fell asleep yelling at people and knew exactly what was going on.

The levels it takes to produce this effect are borderline turning your liver off and unlike other things, you most likely wont come out of it.

Medical studies and dokturs do not know by what mechanism tramadol is hepatoxic at high dosages.

It is a unique feeling. Kinda like codine but pissed and superman feel then tired numb and angry.

Well, see I'm doing it wrong. Never tried taking 10!

Tramadol is a selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (in addition to being an opioid). It increases your norepinephrine levels. I have a hard time sleeping after even 1, so yeah, I can imagine

Cowboy, sorry for hijacking your thread.

I come here for your daily gratitude

[Cowboymike]

Well, see I'm doing it wrong. Never tried taking 10!

Tramadol is a selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (in addition to being an opioid). It increases your norepinephrine levels. I have a hard time sleeping after even 1, so yeah, I can imagine

Cowboy, sorry for hijacking your thread.

I come here for your daily gratitude

Hijack away! ;0) all conversation is welcome here!

[Cowboymike]

And you need to rest brother

I’m done resting... But you’re right... I’m literally going koo-koo though.. my legs are antsy, I’m going stir crazy.... I feel like now I finally understand why the higher energy dogs rip and tear off when you release them from the leash and they just run and run and run.... I want to be released from my leash so I can just tear off on a good one!

[Cowboymike]

Day 336

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol
500mg L-Tyrosine
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
10mg Nolvadex , SpartanPharma


Meals:
Meal 1
Calories: 560
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop terra kai, organic juice berry


Meal 2
Calories: 440
2 cup cottage cheese, 365 organic brand
Cottage cheese successful!! My diet is advancing! Yahoo!!!

Meal 3
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood


Meal 4
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood


Meal 5
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood


Meal 6
Calories: 380
2 cups Chicken Corn Chowder, Cambell’s.. not blended and success in going down! Progressing!!



Thankfully the rain held off for me today and I was able to finally complete my job and get on the road and get home.. decided to just sit in silence the whole drive. Taking in the fresh air and sounds of the world passing by on cruise control @ 60mph... the mountains are still packed with snow and I see it’ll be a while before I can get away from the local trails and deeper into the mountains for my hikes. Rivers will be full this whole year it’s looking like. Which means the waterfalls are going to be off the chain! Can’t wait to access them!

Glad to be home finally and glad to be able to get back into my routine...

Despite my increasing calories I’ve lost 8 pounds since returning from the hospital... which makes me fear I’m losing muscle... my heads really screwing with me on that front. I need to lift and soon. Or I’m going to lose my shit lol

I can swallow pills again! As long as I don’t try to do handfuls at a time.. but a couple and I’m gtg... thank goodness, pills taste like shit crushed lol


Daily gratitude item:
Grateful to be comfortable in my own skin. That I can sit alone and in silence for hours and be completely good with the man in my head.



8:00pm
50mg metoprolol
1 - 5-HTP Plus
500mg L-Tyrosine
200mcg T4 liquid


Total water consumed until now:
1.50 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 2,640
Protein: 282
Carbs: 157
Fiber: 41
Sugar: 52
Fat: 99


Workout:

Nothing :0(

[Cowboymike]

Day 337

Upon wake up:
50mg Metoprolol
500mg L-Tyrosine
1 serving liquid Turmeric
3iu HGH
125mg TestC
150mg EQ
50mg NPP


Meals:
Meal 1
Calories: 576
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, Chocolate
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
8oz coconut milk
8oz organic Aloe Vera juice
1 scoop terra kai, organic juice berry


Meal 2
Calories: 400
2 cup cottage cheese, darigold 2percent brand


Meal 3
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood


Meal 4
Calories: 420
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood


Meal 5
Calories: 720
Shake
1 serving whey concentrate, unflavored
1 serving whey concentrate, chocolate
16oz coconut milk
1 scoop organic juice berry
1 serving amazing grass super green superfood
4tbsp pbfit powdered peanut butter

Soup
2 cups Carrot ginger, Trader Joe’s


Meal 6
Calories: 637
2cups pungent sounds clam chowder


Good day at work today. I met a new Fire Marshall Whos dead serious about her job and why she does what she does... it’s nice to hear the thoughts I have come from an authorities mouth... it’ll be nice to have some enforcement on the horizon and hopefully people will start taking life safety more seriously. If not, feel the burn in the pockets from lacking... she handed me her card and said I have an open anytime line with her anytime... there is a wind of change a blowing... hoist the sails

My energy was so pent up I just started walking... then found an apartment complex and hit the stairs... then walked some more... it felt so good!!! I felt alive. My heart fulfilled..

Started laying out notes on a book I’m going to write... Ive decided to just own it and write it first person. They’re my memories anyway. I keep getting writers block trying to write it as a story about someone else... so figuring if I just write it as it is in my head.. it should just flow, in theory...

Weeks done! Flew by. Productive week. Huge strides in the progress department. Feeling good! Ready to go to the next level.



Daily gratitude item:
Grateful for beautiful sunsets, snow capped mountains and the poking up of green fresh plant life for spring... for the ability to actually see these things in all their glory on display like a peacocks feathers for all to enjoy if they can just see.... a quiet mind, a still body and wandering eyes... allows the colors to really pop, while feeling a cool breeze dance across your skin... so much to see, so little time to see it in...




10:00pm
50mg metoprolol
1 - 5-HTP Plus
500mg L-Tyrosine
200mcg T4 liquid


Total water consumed until now:
1.75 gallons


Total Calories and Macros today
Calories: 3,173
Protein: 302
Carbs: 214
Fiber: 48
Sugar: 72
Fat: 124


Workout:

5 mile walk topped off with 3 flights of stairs x’s 21 trips