Losing my wife

[Atomini]

Everything Snax said is right.

The only thing i'll keep pressing is not to go after the guy she cheated with. This should never be done in ANY situation in which there is someone cheating on someone else. Go punch a pillow, you'll get the exact same result - only without the potential of being charged with assault and being sent to the slammer.

And it's tough, but just as everyone said, you have to leave this woman or you'll become neurotic for the rest of your life for as long as you're with her. Best thing to do is sit down with her for a talk, keep a nice collective and calm tone (DO NOT under ANY circumstances explode or yell or even give the slightest hint that you're angry), and tell her it is over and explain why. Then get the divorce process going.

One final tip: think logically, not emotionally. That's one of the things that separates males males apart from females. Never do anything based on emotion, always use your brain, always use logic.

[gixxerboy1]

I don't get what all of the "BEAT HIS ASS" posts are all about??? That's the WORST thing to do in this situation, as it solves nothing and just brings about even more anger (and possibly even worse consequences) for you.

The dude she is cheating with is not the center of the problem: it's HER. You need to solve the issue regarding her. You might beat his ass, but she could just as easily go on to fvck 10 more different guys after him. Who knows, maybe she has already fvcked more guys than him. Get my point?

Your goal here is to solve the problem, not the product of the problem. I've been cheated on before BADLY, and you know what? I focused my attention on my cheating girlfriend. I didn't give 2 shits about the guy, since it could have been any guy, so what use is it breating up on the guy she cheated with? SHE is the cheater.

exactly. That guy has no commitment or relationship with you. She does. He was just some single guy talking to a girl. She is a married woman. She is in the wrong not him.

[JinNtonic]

I know what it's like to want to believe this shit didn't happen..... truth be told..... you'll NEVER know.... unless you hook her up to a lie detector LOL and yes you can do that.

I'd pay him another visit and scare the living shit out of him. Knock on his door and say "I will come back here and set your house on fire with you and your kids in it if you talk to her again"

~Haz~

Yup...

[BG]

It will never stop, its just a matter of how long are you going to let this happen to you. Walk away, she doesnt love you.

[laduem88]

sorry to hear that man, even though iv never been married iv had something similar happen with a gf and a "guy friend" of hers...she takes you for granted and once she realizes she doesnt have you anymore she will wake up and really want to come back to you, only thing is if you think shes worth it

[xxxl83]

LEAVE THE DUDE ALONE!!!!! SHE BETRAYED your trust, not him he's just a douche doing what guys do! HE owes you NOTHING, SHE owes you Respect, loyalty, trust, understanding and comunication. SHE IS THE PROBLEM!!!!!

Temptation is all over the place it's her job to avoid it and RESPECT YOU.

Sooo you beat this dude up guess where her sympathy will go? you think to you? NOPE m,y man your fooling yourself. She'll feel sorry for him not you REMEMBER, SHE put you in this situation in the first place.

Let her go and move on!!!

BELIEVE, you deserve better cause no one deserves to be treated like that!!!!! NO it's NOT ur fault it's hers!!! Don't let her make you question yourself because of her misguided actions.

Yeah it maybe the hardest thing you ever have to do but happiness is waiting somewhere.

Once a liar always a liar you let her roll on you this time, even if she stays it's only a matter of time before it happens again.

Good luck, be strong for yourself!

xxxl83

[xxxl83]

OH and don't beat yourself up everyone goes through it, like the song says "everyone plays the fool sometimes" no shame in that. You're just a good dude believing in the one person who is supposed to be there for better or worse and all that jazz. You can't help someone whom you trust lying to you.

xxxl83

[BG]

One final tip: think logically, not emotionally. That's one of the things that separates males males apart from females. Never do anything based on emotion, always use your brain, always use logic.

Damn right.

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

jump ship my friend... she already has

or you'll go down sinking.

[Stigmata101]

I know all you guys are right and i think deep down inside I know it's over but Im finding it really hard to let go. I mean like I said this is all so out of character for her. I talked to one of her good friends this morning and she said she still wants to try but you guys are making alot of sense. Im kinda thinking to maybe stick with her and see if she does it again. I mean if she does then I guess it's over......I can't get hurt any more than I already have been.

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

Im in a similar situation and reading this makes me wanna lose it and go ballistic.


I need a ****ing drink...

[SnaX]

I know all you guys are right and i think deep down inside I know it's over but Im finding it really hard to let go. I mean like I said this is all so out of character for her. I talked to one of her good friends this morning and she said she still wants to try but you guys are making alot of sense. (1.)Im kinda thinking to maybe stick with her and see if she does it again. (2.)I mean if she does then I guess it's over......(3.)I can't get hurt any more than I already have been.

1. Like last time
2. Like last time
3. Want to make a bet?

You are deceiving yourself right now.
Remember how hard she worked to keep this guy in her life? She changed the name in the phone to hide it. There is something there, and you cannot get rid of an idea.
What chances will you give her this time, that you didn't give her last time?

Ask yourself, what does she have to DO that causes you to make up your mind? Write a response in your next post. I would like to know.

[xxxl83]

Stig, it's ur life and you will do what you will. That being said ..... you are in for a long painful road.
Know what the worst part will be? you'll remember this thread and HATE YOURSELF for not listening to good, honest, logical (unemotional) advice.

xxxl83

[Stigmata101]

1. Like last time
2. Like last time
3. Want to make a bet?

You are deceiving yourself right now.
Remember how hard she worked to keep this guy in her life? She changed the name in the phone to hide it. There is something there, and you cannot get rid of an idea.
What chances will you give her this time, that you didn't give her last time?

Ask yourself, what does she have to DO that causes you to make up your mind? Write a response in your next post. I would like to know.

If she texts or calls him one more time then that will be enough for me to make the decision that I don't want to make but I will have to make, which is divorce I guess.

[Stigmata101]

Stig, it's ur life and you will do what you will. That being said ..... you are in for a long painful road.
Know what the worst part will be? you'll remember this thread and HATE YOURSELF for not listening to good, honest, logical (unemotional) advice.

xxxl83

You guys are all making valid points but Iv'e never loved someone so much so I guess I'm holding onto hope......but I know what will have to happen if she does lie to me again.

[40plusnewbie]

She didn't 'cheat' she is having a LOVE AFFAIR with him my friend. She is all wrapped up in him friendship wise, romantically, emotionally, as well as physically. This is the truth of the matter. She is very invested in, and has been very invested in this relationship with this man. She has repeatedly lied to you about the whole situation. Can she change?

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

You say you have not been there for her emotionally/romantically/whatever. I believe you. This may be why she went to this guy, I have no idea. I also can not live your life for you but would think that she should have talked with you about her concern for the missing emotional connection/romance and also thoughts of cheating rather than just going down that path. My wife did that (talk to me about this) and didn't cheat.

I have been with hundreds of women, a LOT of them married woman, especially when I was younger, like 19-26 being with married women older than me a lot. I didn't have love affairs with them but there are lots of women who see a free round trip ticket to pleasure island without getting caught as a great opportunity. Your wife took a very long, very romantic vacation with this guy while you were off working (and shopping, and sleeping, and missing her, and worrying about her, etc, etc, etc).

Life sucks sometimes, in different ways for different people. I'm not going to give you advice. Good luck.

p.s. Here is some advice lol If you do decide to get divorced, make sure you hide money and assets (I actually think you should start doing that now regardless), and lock your wife out of any credit either before you tell her or asap after you tell her. Also hide all your gear and anything else that could potentially damage you in a divorce and saver evidence of her relationship with this guy, as much as you can get, including asking her to write you a full apology of what she did and why she is sorry (don't tell her it is for potential evidence in a potential future divorce though lol).

Divorce is f'ed up. Women will nail your ass to the wall BAD, even good women. Cover your ass and make sure you have hers in a sling so you can't get screwed if you do divorce. If she is willing to basically live a married life with another man while married to you, what do you think she will be willing to do if you tell her you are going to leave her? My wife is as loyal as a mo fo but when I took my ring off and told her I wanted a divorce all hell reigned loose. Now I'm working to get in the position of puppet master over her so I can get away clean. Most people don't worry about getting away clean unless robbing a bank, I just want to live my life abuse free and have to dig up land mine's and shit before I can get out. lol Learn from that part of my mistake. My wife is holding shizat of mine hostage lol I'm on mission difficult: Get back incriminating gear after convincing my wife I am not leaving. Now she is chasing my ass and dancing to my tune. I would have been a lot better if she didn't cut off a lock with a hack saw to steal shit that could get me locked up lol, I thought she threw it out, I drop the D bomb and find out she didn't, as well as has some other shit of mine that I need to get back....

don't trust women. and a woman scorned..... hell man ..... i'd much rather have some murderous husband after my ass after humping his wife than having to unravel the mess I am in with my wife...

[maxpump88]

Mate, I'm about to give you the most valuable advice on this board. Talk it out with her, lay all your cards on the table. But don't let your emotions run wild that you won't be able to control yourself. Tell her how you feel, listen to her, come to a conclusion and a resolution. No matter what happens, there is only an outcome. And both of you have to reach the same decision. By the sounds of her letter she wrote, she's still willing to be there for you and still loves you enough to try to work it out and stay with you. Being a married man myself, you took an oath that you will love and cherish each other and work through the things that trouble your marriage. From your post, all i hear is that you only confronted her lies, made her feel bad but didn't make her realize the consequences. Thus, snowballing this situation every time she was caught. But if you had have voiced your concerns, emotionally, telling her how it hurt you, then it would have hit home for her. If she cares enough to want to stay and "stick it out", then she cares enough to listen and look at how she's hurting you to stop well and truly. If she doesn't stop, even after you have FINALLY opened up emotionally, then you will just have to walk away, one of the hardest things to do...But will be healthier for the both of you.
And to top this all off, since this IS a steroids forum, I have to finish off with something steroid related.

steroids.

[redz]

I also don`t want to sound harsh because you are dealing with an unfortunate situation you didn`t ask for. But the amount of lies she has consistently told you indicate to me this is way to deep and she probably was screwing him the whole time. I say drop her now before you end up more hurt or worse. You can`t go on living having anxiety attacks and always having to check behind her back. What will it take you walking in on them having sex? then what........

[Times Roman]

My two cents. This is a problem between you and your woman. This other dude is inconsequential. Doesn't matter who he is, it could have been anyone. I think everybody makes mistakes, and there should be room in the heart to forgive once for the same sin. You need to take a real sober look at this situation.
1. You will always have to pull guard duty with this woman as long as you are with her (trust) - this is HIGH maintenance and a helluva lot of work, stress, and hassle.
2. It appears she has betrayed your marriage, your trust, and your love.
3. On top of that, even after she has been caught multiple times, she goes to great lengths to conceal her activity. She really is leading a double life. One of them she would rather you did NOT know about.

She acts as if she is very young, needs alot of attention, and she feels justified that if you do not provide immediate gratification, then she will go outside the marriage to find it.

Be very, very thankful you do not have children with this woman. Emotionally she is not stable enough to be married to you. I'm surprised you have taken as much shit from her as you have. She must be extremely hot and GIB? Is the only reason you seem hypnotized by her? You need to step up, and give this monagomously challanged woman the boot. Or you can turn in your man card. Your choice.

[BG]

She doesnt love you anymore.......if she loved you she would have cut the shit out when you first came to her and she realized she was hurting you. She doesnt care anymore , she had the perfect thing going. You would leave town and she could go be with him and still wouldnt have to get divorced. She had her cake and was eating it too.

[Standby]

She doesnt love you anymore.......if she loved you she would have cut the shit out when you first came to her and she realized she was hurting you. She doesnt care anymore , she had the perfect thing going. You would leave town and she could go be with him and still wouldnt have to get divorced. She had her cake and was eating it too.

its done man, im sorry it happened but its done. youll find it easier to get over if you bring yourself to leave her then wait for her to leave you. good luck

[D3m3nt3d]

I haven't read all the posts bro, but I know the feeling all too well. I have a divorce thread here in the lounge as well, and the guys have given me some great advice so far. I caught my wife sex chatting with an ex, and now she is hanging with an ex that I literally took under my own wing, dude came to our wedding and everything...so it feels like a low blow and total disrespect.

However I disagree with kicking his ass. He doesn't owe you shit, just like my wifes ex who was supposed to be my "friend" doesn't owe me shit. They had a history first. Bottom line is SHE is married to you, not this guy. She should have more respect for you as a wife, she should know where to draw the line. Kicking his ass will change nothing in the situation for the better. She made the commitment and she is the one that you should EXPECT to show you some respect. Trust me man, I know exactly how bad it hurts. The last thing I ever wanted to lose was my wife bro. Hell, I just made her a nurse and thought we were going to have some cushion, instead I got shafted. You have made attempt after attempt to get her to stop talking to this guy, and it has yet to work.

One of the hardest things I am still learning, you speak of having panic attacks and your mind going a million miles a minute. You are worried to death, having friends drive by his house to check on her. Now from an outsiders perspective...should you have to feel that way about your own WIFE? If there is anyone that you should be able to trust, it should be her. You're in a marriage, this isn't high school anymore. I see get out before it gets worse.

[terraj]

Once you are over the pain of the lost attachment, you will be a better man for this experience.
Look to make changes in your life style and only look forward... it will help with the healing.

[Panzerfaust]

I'm not even reading all that bullshit, **** that lying **** and move on with your life and come to the realization that marriage is a goddamn sham these days, it is obsolete.

[Jfew44]

I know what you're going though. I wasnt married, but I was with someone for a long time. In that time, we broke up numerous times. Whether it be because she wasn't ready to date/wanted to be single, or because her ex came back around. I told her I loved her and I did. She did it to me God knows how many times. All of HER friends told me to move on and I treated her way too good and she didn't deserve me. I always thought she'd change and she would realize that we were meant to be with each other.

The last time I talked to her she said she cant be with me right now but maybe in the future it would work out. I told her I would not be there when she figures her shit out. I've come to find in the last few weeks she has been asking my friends about me, ect. There's no turning back. A woman who makes you hurt as bad as you have (I know the pain very well) will continue to find ways to make you hurt. Take a step back and just look at all the pain she's caused you and I hope you find a way to move on.

Thats my .02

[HitIt]

get out of denial and find a better woman. game over.

[Igifuno]

Damn Stig I'm sorry you're going through this man.. my wife and I have been on the brink of divorce and its no fun at all. This is up to you.. your mind will change a thousand times and your emotions will be like the stock market. I agree with some of the opinions above, but only you know how you can handle this in the long term. If you're the type of individual who will have something in the back of your head forever then maybe its best to end it.. the last thing you want to do is live your life paranoid as to whether or not your wife is being faithful. On the filp side of the coin, if you know in your heart that you can move on from this and forgive her and that you won't question her going forward then try to make it work if its what you want. The question is, does she want it. .and if the answer is no, due to you not being there for her, can you repair it? If its what you want then hopefully yes..

From a general standpoint, I would be inclined to say end it.. there's damage here that I personally would not be interested in dealing with or repairing (hell, and I have kids).. but if you love her that much man.. at the end of the day, its your call. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

IG

[dec11]

blow town my friend, even if she did drop him your mind never will drop it. trust gone, game over. plenty of nice women out there, no need to settle for someone that cruel.

[Stigmata101]

Thanks for all the advice guys....Still not sure what to do but fate will play out in the end I guess. I really do appreciate all the input. Sometimes things are more clear from an outsiders perspective.

[Shinalynn]

Ok I would like to point out one thing.. YOU have NOT been there emotionally for her. Women are emotional, you left that door open when you walked out, someone else walked in. The only way she can change is if you become her best friend again.
Not to go against every one on the board, however I am more of support your decision on this matter type of person. So If you want it to work out, look at where it went wrong, cause and effect sweetheart. Not blaming you in anyway just looking at where this all started.
I have this saying, and I say it every time I am feeling, alone.. IF you dont pay attention to me, someone else will.
BTW I am not saying that what she did was right in ANY way.

Give her the attention, dont give her time to text someone else. OH and my last piece of advice..MOVE! LOL

[Stigmata101]

Ok I would like to point out one thing.. YOU have NOT been there emotionally for her. Women are emotional, you left that door open when you walked out, someone else walked in. The only way she can change is if you become her best friend again.
Not to go against every one on the board, however I am more of support your decision on this matter type of person. So If you want it to work out, look at where it went wrong, cause and effect sweetheart. Not blaming you in anyway just looking at where this all started.
I have this saying, and I say it every time I am feeling, alone.. IF you dont pay attention to me, someone else will.
BTW I am not saying that what she did was right in ANY way.

Give her the attention, dont give her time to text someone else. OH and my last piece of advice..MOVE! LOL

Yah Im gonna give it one more shot cause I love her so much. And if it works out moving to a small town of no more than 10 people sounds fine

[calgarian]

Yah Im gonna give it one more shot cause I love her so much. And if it works out moving to a small town of no more than 10 people sounds fine

ok u want to do it go for it...but remember if it still doesnt workout u walk away.....I hope and prey to God it will but my gut tell me something else.

[BJJ]

Ok I would like to point out one thing.. YOU have NOT been there emotionally for her. Women are emotional, you left that door open when you walked out, someone else walked in. The only way she can change is if you become her best friend again.
Not to go against every one on the board, however I am more of support your decision on this matter type of person. So If you want it to work out, look at where it went wrong, cause and effect sweetheart. Not blaming you in anyway just looking at where this all started.
I have this saying, and I say it every time I am feeling, alone.. IF you dont pay attention to me, someone else will.
BTW I am not saying that what she did was right in ANY way.

Give her the attention, dont give her time to text someone else. OH and my last piece of advice..MOVE! LOL

Sorry but you forgot the love!!!

If you love someone you do not stop loving because your partner is emotionally faraway from you. In case, it is the opposite; you get more dependent from that lack of emotions.

Love = Respect

If respect is missing, so love does.

[Shinalynn]

Sorry but you forgot the love!!!

If you love someone you do not stop loving because your partner is emotionally faraway from you. In case, it is the opposite; you get more dependent from that lack of emotions.

Love = Respect

If respect is missing, so love does.

Your right, she still loves him. Just not in love with him. A person can fall out of love just as fast as they fell in love, but still HAVE love for the other person. Its just a matter of effort to get back into love. you get more dependent from that lack of emotions. your right, but now she is more dependent on someone else.. Dont you see? If he wants it to work, he needs to be the one she depends on.

[dec11]

Ok I would like to point out one thing.. YOU have NOT been there emotionally for her. Women are emotional, you left that door open when you walked out, someone else walked in. The only way she can change is if you become her best friend again.
Not to go against every one on the board, however I am more of support your decision on this matter type of person. So If you want it to work out, look at where it went wrong, cause and effect sweetheart. Not blaming you in anyway just looking at where this all started.
I have this saying, and I say it every time I am feeling, alone.. IF you dont pay attention to me, someone else will.
BTW I am not saying that what she did was right in ANY way.

Give her the attention, dont give her time to text someone else. OH and my last piece of advice..MOVE! LOL

this is bullshit, if your married and supposidly love someone, you take the rough with the smooth, if things are that unbearable, you walk away, you dont do the dirt period.

[calgarian]

Your right, she still loves him. Just not in love with him. A person can fall out of love just as fast as they fell in love, but still HAVE love for the other person. Its just a matter of effort to get back into love. you get more dependent from that lack of emotions. your right, but now she is more dependent on someone else.. Dont you see? If he wants it to work, he needs to be the one she depends on.

Even though she is married to him he should compete with that ass clown to get her back into his life as his wife???
so just because he loves her he should be her bitch "what u need baby" "is there anything i can do for you"?.......Sorry if I misunderstood but to me no pvssy worth that much I learned the hard way.....

[Stigmata101]

We talked last night and things went well. We both made mistakes and we admit it. So I am willing to try once more but if the lieing continues I can't take it. And it will prove that she is not willing to give it her all (i know she already told me this a few times but this is the last chance)

[dec11]

Your right, she still loves him. Just not in love with him. A person can fall out of love just as fast as they fell in love, but still HAVE love for the other person. Its just a matter of effort to get back into love. you get more dependent from that lack of emotions. your right, but now she is more dependent on someone else.. Dont you see? If he wants it to work, he needs to be the one she depends on.

sorry dear, but best to give the marriage guidence a miss.........

[calgarian]

We talked last night and things went well. We both made mistakes and we admit it. So I am willing to try once more but if the lieing continues I can't take it. And it will prove that she is not willing to give it her all (i know she already told me this a few times but this is the last chance)

buddy....u need to wake up and face the reality.....i hope it work out but again 24/7 u be thinking and over analyzing things why she did that why she is late blah blah......plus then u will look insecure oh and we all know how ladies "do not like" insecure man but they forget that they are the one who made us insecure.
Dude she is not In love with u......The end......

[calgarian]

u still keeping an eye on her phone record online?