Losing my wife

[Stigmata101]

OK so here it is,

I work out of town on a shift schedule, 4 on 4 off. I recently found out my wife (been together 6 years, married 3) has been spending alot of time with another guy from where she works. They started texting about 3 months ago and for the past 2 months have been texting more and more until recently when I found all this shit out.

I first caught her about 6 weeks ago in the bedroom quickly hiding her phone and pretending she was asleep. A week later I found a text on her phone from a guy she works with saying "sweet dreams, goodnight sweetie". I then started getting suspicous. I never said anything but I remembered the guys phone #. For the next week I noticed she was guarding her phone like a mother fvker. Always bringing it with her everywhere. So I started paying attention to everything she did and said. She takes a bus to work everyday (mon - thu) so I got off work early one day and waited near her bus stop where she parks her vehicle and waited. The bus came and went. She never got off. About an hour and ten minutes a car pulls up next to hers. I go ripping up to it and sure enough shes in there with this guy she works with. I defineately surprised them. She gets out and the guy gets the fvk out of there as quick as he can. She tells me she forgot her keys at work and got off the bus at this guys place and he was nice enuf to drive her back to work to get them. I'm not buying. Meanwhile while I was waiting at the bus stop I text her and ask her where she is. No response until after I catch them at the parking lot. Her text finally came to me and said she was getting a ride home from the guys at work who were working late cause she forgot her keys. So I catch her in a lie. She says there just friends and that she lied because she thought I'd get pissed she was with this guy. So I tell her about the text I found and she says that hes just that type of guy....Im still not buying. I ask her to stop talking to the guy away from work and she reluctantly agrees.

So I'm still suspicious. Over the next weeks she is guarding her phone even more than before. I get home from work one morning and hit redial on the house phone...a number comes up so I do a reverse # lookup online and his name and address come up. Now I know where he lives. So while I'm out of town working I get some friends to drive by his place and just as I suspected she's there.

Now I'm getting really freaked out, I can't focus on anything. Then one night while I'm at work on night shift I can't reach her on any number. I start having an anxiety attack and end up going to the hospital cause Im afraid Im gonna have a heart attack. They phone her and she comes down and says she was in a field all night talking with her girl friend all night. (phone records later prove she did not talk to her) No sale. So I tell her I think she's cheating and she says no. He's just a friend who gives her the comfort I don't. (Which is true I haven't been there emotionally for her for quite some time, like a year) She says she will stop talking to him this time. She confesses taking a 10 hour drive to the city and back with him to pick up his kids. (hes divorced) She admits to all her lying.

A week later she forgets her phone in the bathroom so I have a look. His name has been removed in the contact list. I'm thinkin right on, but Im still suspicous after all the lies so I type in his # and it comes up with a new name. And she's been textin him that mornin. I put it on her and once again the friend story. She promises again not to talk to him. This lasts 7 days. Then it starts again. So I go to the guys house and tell him if he talks to her again Im gonna break both his arms. The guy is shittin his pants. They text immediately. I know this cause I accessed her phone account online. I can see it all now. (there have been 5288 texts in 3 months between them)I don't tell her I have access though.

So just the other night Im unloading groceries and I can see her through the window writing, however when I go inside she hides the note book....Bells are ringing. I start my search the next morning while shes in the shower and find a pack of smokes (shes anti smoking) and a card from the guy tellin her to smile. I finally find the letter and it goes something like this: I miss you alot, I miss your touch, I was so glad when you finally touched me on the bus, I miss the way you hold me, But I have to try this with him for now. I show her the letter I found and she says she never intended to give it to him and there just friends.. Now I really freak out and I may have gone into shock or thats the feeling when a mans heart truly breaks. So there havent been any texts for 4 days now....

I love my wife more than anything and would die for her....I am willing to forgive her for all the lieing and would forgive her for anything that happened as I know I haven't been there for her. Im really worrried shes gonna start talkin to him again....My mind is going a million miles an hour. Not sure what to do.

[zimmy]

she's already cheated in my book...emotional cheating is just the same as doing it to me. You better either get a job in town if you aren't seeing her very often and open yourself emotionally...or get a PI to catch her next time w/ pics so you have proof for the courts when she divorces you...those are your two options.

[gettingthere]

Break his arms....then work your way from there

[Stigmata101]

she's already cheated in my book...emotional cheating is just the same as doing it to me. You better either get a job in town if you aren't seeing her very often and open yourself emotionally...or get a PI to catch her next time w/ pics so you have proof for the courts when she divorces you...those are your two options.

I've been thinking about a new job alot

[calgarian]

she lied....she cheated...u love her I know the feeling.....most ppl will tell u this kick her to the curb.....
but here is some thought...go beat the crap outta of this guy.....u love her too much to do anything like walking out of there.....but guy u can kick his ass.....
Do you guys have any kids?

Changing jobs....well u dont have to cause u r doing it for both of your benefits......She will not change this even if you change the job i can gurantee you that

[Noles12]

I know it sucks to hear this but she is cheating on you and has been for a while now. Anybody that goes to that extent for a "friend" is up to something. She spends all of her time with him and hangs out at his house then writes to him about missing his touch.

They are fvcking and you need to drop her ass. She is disrespectful and openly lies to your face often

[Stigmata101]

Break his arms....then work your way from there

That was my first reaction and it has gotten me in alot of trouble in the past...spent some time in jail

[Stigmata101]

she lied....she cheated...u love her I know the feeling.....most ppl will tell u this kick her to the curb.....
but here is some thought...go beat the crap outta of this guy.....u love her too much to do anything like walking out of there.....but guy u can kick his ass.....
Do you guys have any kids?

No kids yet. I want kids though. I feel like I owe the guy a beating more than any other beating I've given anyone in the past but then I might lose her for sure.

[gettingthere]

That was my first reaction and it has gotten me in alot of trouble in the past...spent some time in jail

My first reaction is not to kick off like this and kick someones ass, but man im only young but i had a girl cheat on me....found her texting this guy and it just got worse....i took it until i couldnt anymore....and broke one of his ribs!!

But your in an arkward position having done jail time

[calgarian]

No kids yet. I want kids though. I feel like I owe the guy a beating more than any other beating I've given anyone in the past but then I might lose her for sure.

Bro you lost her....the only reason she is with you cause she feel bad for you....she will keep this shit up and she will loose that feeling for you too...

[Stigmata101]

I know it sucks to hear this but she is cheating on you and has been for a while now. Anybody that goes to that extent for a "friend" is up to something. She spends all of her time with him and hangs out at his house then writes to him about missing his touch.

They are fvcking and you need to drop her ass. She is disrespectful and openly lies to your face often

I may be in denial but I don't think they fvked. She is the type of person you would want a daughter to be. I never saw this coming.

[Hazard]

I know what it's like to want to believe this shit didn't happen..... truth be told..... you'll NEVER know.... unless you hook her up to a lie detector LOL and yes you can do that.

I'd pay him another visit and scare the living shit out of him. Knock on his door and say "I will come back here and set your house on fire with you and your kids in it if you talk to her again"

~Haz~

[Stigmata101]

I know what it's like to want to believe this shit didn't happen..... truth be told..... you'll NEVER know.... unless you hook her up to a lie detector LOL and yes you can do that.

I'd pay him another visit and scare the living shit out of him. Knock on his door and say "I will come back here and set your house on fire with you and your kids in it if you talk to her again"

~Haz~

Well Im gonna keep monitoring her phone and if they start textin or phonin again then maybe this will all sink in and I will be forced to leave her. But its hard when I love her so much. I feel like I could forgive her for anything she does.

[calgarian]

Well Im gonna keep monitoring her phone and if they start textin or phonin again then maybe this will all sink in and I will be forced to leave her. But its hard when I love her so much. I feel like I could forgive her for anything she does.

and she can use this against you.......make sure u dont go nose dive cause of this issue.....no drug, alcohol, abuse of any kind will get u out of this situation so dont do it i can see where this shit is heading.....use ur head not ur heart someone told me yesterday "Heart pulls tricks on u" and u know what he was right

[Stigmata101]

and she can use this against you.......make sure u dont go nose dive cause of this issue.....no drug, alcohol, abuse of any kind will get u out of this situation so dont do it i can see where this shit is heading.....use ur head not ur heart someone told me yesterday "Heart pulls tricks on u" and u know what he was right

I haven't had a drink for about 3 months now...Im on cycle too. I find that it mellows me out so it might be a good thing for him that I am cycling.

That is good advice though but I can't get this feeling out of my chest, It's like I can feel love in my chest, love that is grasping at any little hope. I don't know.

[Noles12]

I may be in denial but I don't think they fvked. She is the type of person you would want a daughter to be. I never saw this coming.

With all of the factors you described i dont see how they wouldnt have. It sucks and its hard to think that but personally thats what i see going on

[calgarian]

I haven't had a drink for about 3 months now...Im on cycle too. I find that it mellows me out so it might be a good thing for him that I am cycling.

That is good advice though but I can't get this feeling out of my chest, It's like I can feel love in my chest, love that is grasping at any little hope. I don't know.

believe me I know.......Love is a bitch it can turn you into a pvssy but you have to look at this issue objectively "she like his touch and he finally touched her in the bus"????? looks like he is avoiding her and she doesnt want him to avoid him.....see my point?

Soon u will feel that someone is grabbing ur heart and squeezing it...then come panic attack u already had one then come depression.......see where i am going with this?

[Stigmata101]

believe me I know.......Love is a bitch it can turn you into a pvssy but you have to look at this issue objectively "she like his touch and he finally touched her in the bus"????? looks like he is avoiding her and she doesnt want him to avoid him.....see my point?

Soon u will feel that someone is grabbing ur heart and squeezing it...then come panic attack u already had one then come depression.......see where i am going with this?

Yah I do. I am starting to feel depressed but trying to keep optimistic. Im in denial for sure

[OH REALLY]

no man beAT his ass in

[calgarian]

Yah I do. I am starting to feel depressed but trying to keep optimistic. Im in denial for sure

dont let a woman fvck u up..I am just glad that you didnt have the kids otherwise it will be very painful.......sooner u accept the fact the better....Sorry I know thats not what you want to hear but what you have told us thats how it sounds.

[Hazard]

Well Im gonna keep monitoring her phone and if they start textin or phonin again then maybe this will all sink in and I will be forced to leave her. But its hard when I love her so much. I feel like I could forgive her for anything she does.

PM commin ur way brotha.....

~Haz~

[OH REALLY]

beat his ass and make sure she starts taking a different bus... **** this guy up, trust me that will keep him away from her.. you know where thisw ****er lives .. go there

[Nicotine]

once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater....

you deserve better.

[Bertuzzi]

Well, this is a tough one.

As stated in an earlier post... regardless if she physically cheated or not, emotional cheating is just as bad. She cheated either way you look at it. The good thing is, you are man enough to admit that you are somewhat at fault for not being there for her over the last year or so, and you're right. I worked in the patch and know a lot of guys who are never home. No matter how good your girl is, there will come a point where she needs something you're not giving her. It's human nature to desire companionship and affection.

You have a couple options:

1. You can walk away and call it a loss of 6 years and learn from your mistakes and never allow this neglect to happen in the future.... but if you choose this option you make sure you learn from it so the 6 years are not a total waste.

2. You Love this woman and she probably still loves you. Find a job in the city and maybe she finds a new job too, I mean there has to be som comprimise.... she is just as guilty as you, if not more. You seek marriage councilling, and I know this may make you feel like less of a man for seeking help from a head doctor and trust me I hate those fukers but it is required effort to move forward.... I insist, this is not an option. After the councilling and job changes take a getaway together. You can go somewhere tropical for a week or somewhere quiet and romantic.... I see you are in Canada. I am in Alberta so I would go with Banff or Jasper. Just get a way and spend some real quality time together.... talk about why and how you guys fell in Love with eachother. Rember how you use to look into eachothers eyes and how it use to feel to touch eachother, to kiss eachother. Find that again and you will be on the long road to rebuilding trust and trust me it may get bumpy but if you want it.... this is what you need to do.

3. You can keep living your life the way it is and be paranoid for a long time which will ultimately end up in your relationships messy end, and both of you will be scarred for life.

It's up to you decide.

Good Luck my friend, I know what you're going through!

[Bertuzzi]

Oh, and despite your urge and desire to fuk that guys shit up.... If you do that, your relationship is fuked no matter what you do.... believe me. Kicking the shit out of him is not an option...... yet.

Remember, Revenge is a dish best served cold, and in this case very cold. You can get him in a year or 2.... or have some friends do it so there will be no affiliation to you

[NMacFar]

Stigmata, this story just touched me because I know exactly what you are going through.

My fiancee (together for 4 years) did the same thing with a coworker. She used to come home and leave her cell phone on the kitchen island every day after work. One day it stopped, she hid it al lthe time when she showered or even laid in bed with me. I ended up getting suspicious after I saw a 22 minute conversation one morning after I left for work. Some weeks later I caught her in a parking lot of a guys car at a bar nonetheless "Oh it's nothing, we're just friends and we were talking about you". bullshit, not buying and the story is much worse then I am telling. I was able to get in to her online phone account and found she had been texting and calling him for 3 months. She used to come home late from work in a bad mood, didnt want sex or any conversation because she was 'tired'. Turns out that she would come home in this mood so we would go to bed and I would fall asleep so she could sneak around the house and talk to him. I tried to deal with it for a couple weeks and try and make things right even as she promised me they wouldnt talk anymore (it was a lie according to her phone account). So I took action, took the keys to the house and her car (all in my name), took the ring and the dog and decided to move on with my life. It hurt more than anything you could imagine. Both of our entire families were very close.

Sometimes you gotta do whats best for you. I really do believe that if they cheat once they'll cheat again. She cannot be trusted bro, and as long as she works with this guy it's going to continue.

I guarantee you she is still lying to you. You'll never be able to trust her again and here's what will happen every fuc*ing day of your life. You will constantly be asking bullshit like "who ya texting, why did it only take you 15 minutes to get home yesterday and 40 minutes today". This will make you go insane!!!!!!!

I know you worship the ground she walks on as I did my ex fiancee, but you gotta let her go man.

FTR, I moved on and fell in love with an amazing girl and I have no regrets!

[Stigmata101]

You seek marriage councilling, and I know this may make you feel like less of a man for seeking help from a head doctor and trust me I hate those fukers but it is required effort to move forward.... I insist, this is not an option.

I guess I forgot to mention, we did get a marriage counsellor a few days after I went to the hospital.....She said she wants to make it work, and that she loves me but shes not in love with me.

[Stigmata101]

I guarantee you she is still lying to you. You'll never be able to trust her again and here's what will happen every fuc*ing day of your life. You will constantly be asking bullshit like "who ya texting, why did it only take you 15 minutes to get home yesterday and 40 minutes today". This will make you go insane!!!!!

this is exactly what is happening

[calgarian]

I guess I forgot to mention, we did get a marriage counsellor a few days after I went to the hospital.....She said she wants to make it work, and that she loves me but shes not in love with me.

what r u expecting from a burnt house?????

[Bertuzzi]

I guess I forgot to mention, we did get a marriage counsellor a few days after I went to the hospital.....She said she wants to make it work, and that she loves me but shes not in love with me.

Walk away... you're done.... she is only hanging on out of pity for you. Sorry to say it, but its done. Learn from it.... If she is saying shit like that you cannot rebuild. She moved on emotionally and can't come back. All you will do is drag it out and waste more of your life.

I walked after 5.5 years but my girls problem wasn't another man.... it was drugs.... she started when I was working in the Patch 14 on 7 off. Hardest thing I ever had to do.... I tried for over year to hold it together and help her, but she didn't want to help herself

In the end, its the best thing I ever did.... I am finally starting to feel happy again and that all happened just over 2 years ago.

[BJJ]

she's already cheated in my book...emotional cheating is just the same as doing it to me. You better either get a job in town if you aren't seeing her very often and open yourself emotionally...or get a PI to catch her next time w/ pics so you have proof for the courts when she divorces you...those are your two options.

...x2

wish you to act properly

good luck

[NMacFar]

I guess I forgot to mention, we did get a marriage counsellor a few days after I went to the hospital.....She said she wants to make it work, and that she loves me but shes not in love with me.

Thats because she is in love with someone else. Yes, she loves you. Of course she loves you, you two have been together for 6 years and that is a long time to be with someone. I know it may suck to think this way, but perhaps she loves you like a friend.

[calgarian]

Bro you lost her....the only reason she is with you cause she feel bad for you....she will keep this shit up and she will loose that feeling for you too...

Walk away... you're done.... she is only hanging on out of pity for you. Sorry to say it, but its done. Learn from it.... If she is saying shit like that you cannot rebuild. She moved on emotionally and can't come back. All you will do is drag it out and waste more of your life.

we agree on something...wow

[Bertuzzi]

we agree on something...wow

That is surprising.... This doesn't mean I am gonna start banging fatties

[calgarian]

That is surprising.... This doesn't mean I am gonna start banging fatties

i be happy if u bang ur GF without TV on,,,,,,

Ok stop hi jacking someone's thread....

[Atomini]

I don't get what all of the "BEAT HIS ASS" posts are all about??? That's the WORST thing to do in this situation, as it solves nothing and just brings about even more anger (and possibly even worse consequences) for you.

The dude she is cheating with is not the center of the problem: it's HER. You need to solve the issue regarding her. You might beat his ass, but she could just as easily go on to fvck 10 more different guys after him. Who knows, maybe she has already fvcked more guys than him. Get my point?

Your goal here is to solve the problem, not the product of the problem. I've been cheated on before BADLY, and you know what? I focused my attention on my cheating girlfriend. I didn't give 2 shits about the guy, since it could have been any guy, so what use is it breating up on the guy she cheated with? SHE is the cheater.

[SnaX]

STOP! Going after this loser is NOT worth you going to jail!

You know what separates a man from a boy? Being in control of your emotions.
My heart was pounding just reading what you wrote. Bro, I am hurt to hear this is happening to you.

Lies after Lies after Lies! You have been betrayed.
Do not leave your job for this situation. At this time, look within yourself as your single individual. Is this what you want? To live with lies and uncertainty for the rest of your life? You only get one run at this life, and spending it with her after what she has done is FAR more unfair to yourself!
I don't want you to cheat yourself out of a chance at a good life!

Do not stay with her because you feel sorry and worried whether or not she will be okay. And do not stay with her because of your plans of children, and you still WANT them to happen.
These plans of your can happen with someone who will love you back! You cannot bring a child into the world in this mess, and then end up getting divorced. When you have children, you owe them a proper family, not one that is split up.
This WILL happen if you continue, and lie to yourself about what is going on.

I don't typically tell people how to decide their relationships. In this case, you are better off leaving her. What is going to change? She worked hard to keep secrets and lie. She worked VERY hard. She has made up her mind.
I would not take her back for any reason. And it will hurt, but it is honest of you to move on.


I am proud of you for loving so much bro. And you know, life is what happens in between plans, and our decisions and ability to carry on as good men throughout all of this, is what defines us.

But could you image what that would be like, moving on and falling in love with someone who is honest? How sweet life would be, bro.

[JA86]

if i had to ride the bus id cheat on you also.

[SnaX]

I don't get what all of the "BEAT HIS ASS" posts are all about??? That's the WORST thing to do in this situation, as it solves nothing and just brings about even more anger (and possibly even worse consequences) for you.

The dude she is cheating with is not the center of the problem: it's HER. You need to solve the issue regarding her. You might beat his ass, but she could just as easily go on to fvck 10 more different guys after him. Who knows, maybe she has already fvcked more guys than him. Get my point?

Your goal here is to solve the problem, not the product of the problem. I've been cheated on before BADLY, and you know what? I focused my attention on my cheating girlfriend. I didn't give 2 shits about the guy, since it could have been any guy, so what use is it breating up on the guy she cheated with? SHE is the cheater.

I support this 100 percent. Deal with her in a civilized manner. She is the one that worked so diligently to keep this guy in the picture.

And here is another sad part. Since he cheated with a married woman, and she cheated while married, they will end in turmoil, and it will be a cycle.
It's garbage, and you're too good to get your hands dirty bro.
That loser is divorced, and probably for this very reason.

[SnaX]

if i had to ride the bus id cheat on you also.

Wow, really? That is a pathetic thing to post. Another valued member on the AR board.