Losing my wife

[calgarian]

wow I had a real hard time putting myself into that situation with tai. I would have left. I dont think I could EVER cheat on him..I really love him that much.
On the other hand if it was someone else, and if i am at the point of cheating (emotional and all) then it would for sure be over for me. None of this but I still love you stuff.


I wasnt saying he should work it out or shouldnt, I wasnt saying she was right in what she did. In order to work it out you have to start out with a clean slate, and become friends again. I am a believe the two key points to a marriage, is friendship and sex. I was throwing out that they should work on the friendship if THEY really want it to work..

Bingo!!! then y give advise to him to try work things out if u werent going to do that?
for second bold....some ppl are coward they are not sure how the new thing will work out so they like to keep the old one hanging around thats why they say "love make you week"....she is playing with his emotions and I have seen my fair share of women in my life.....

Third bold there is no they just him... you cant clap with one hand......

[Knockout_Power]

edit out...

[calgarian]

I have big fukken hands, I can clap with one...

and if theres a lot of cheating going on, he is most likely going to end up with the clap regardless of whether he uses his hands or not...

kp serious please i will come in whore thread

[D3m3nt3d]

I am 36 she 30. I would say the same things most of you are saying. If we get divorced I will lose my ranch and everything else I have worked so hard for. Sure I will walk away with some good cash but even that hurts

I lost everything that mattered the most to me bro. I loved her to no end, and I love my children to no end...But you know what you do? You find a way and you rebuild, and based off how your life is going right now - I guarantee you end up building a better life for yourself. You don't need all the drama man. Wondering where she is at, who she is with, who is she talking to etc...it's going to kill you. You want a wife who will be just that, a wife. Not some 30 yr old having a fling running around like its high school.

Our situation is a little different, I never detached myself from my wife, I always gave her complete love and support emotionally and physically...but she was one of them types that get bored, and feels she is missing out on life. When in reality, when it all sinks in she will realize she had the family life, which is what most people care to attain. Point is, she is not in love with you man, you can't MAKE her be happy with you no matter what you do, she needs to learn how to BE happy. I beat myself to no end trying, and in the end I got shit on, with not even an apology. I just don't see a happy ending for you bro.

[Times Roman]

I have a life long buddy who married his highschool sweetheart. I even went to the same kindergarten class as his wife. So the three of us have some history. In highschool, she would regularly break up with him and date other guys... and my buddy always took her back. He would play it off as an opportunity to spend more time with the guys when she did things like this. They married. You can't just repeatedly break up a marriage just cause you want to be with a guy for awhile, so she didn't. But she didn't stop seeing other guys. She did it on the downlow. She eventually gets pregnenant while married with a BF she had while my buddy was in germany. Claims the ony did it one time. Gets an abortion. A few years later, and while still married to my buddy, she starts to bring around guy #2, intros to the kids as her "friend". "Friend" is also married. Long story short, those are the only two we know for a fact, but there is probably countless others. Who knows. My buddy has been married to this lady for 25 years. She wanted to renew their vows. He wants a divorce. The kids are now grown.

My point is this. The behavioural patterns you see TODAY, are probably the same patterns you will see TOMORROW, and next year. This is a GENERAL RULE. Of course there are exceptions. But the odds are definately against it.

[BJJ]

wow I had a real hard time putting myself into that situation with tai. I would have left. I dont think I could EVER cheat on him..I really love him that much.
On the other hand if it was someone else, and if i am at the point of cheating (emotional and all) then it would for sure be over for me. None of this but I still love you stuff.


I wasnt saying he should work it out or shouldnt, I wasnt saying she was right in what she did. In order to work it out you have to start out with a clean slate, and become friends again. I am a believer in two key points to a marriage, is friendship and sex. I was throwing out that they should work on the friendship if THEY really want it to work..

Very true.

[chemicalromance]

Stig;
the way you describe her rampant texting and lying and your relationship with her in the present, i think you are still in the game but have lost ALL ground to her and the other guy. the letter she wrote makes it sound like she is caught up in a whirlwind of emotion with that guy, not just a fling. i mean, who handwrites a letter like that any more? especially after texting for 5000plus times in a month or whatever. you confronted her three times about the texts, busted her in his car, and found the handwritten note; she is really trying hard with this guy. her current connection to you is the "time you've spent together" connection. call it pity or feeling sorry or whatever.

I think she does want it to work. But the only way i see it working is if she basically leaves you for this guy then realises for some reason or another its not all she wanted or needed and comes back to you. just my opinion and i feel your pain bro..

[D3m3nt3d]

Stig;
the way you describe her rampant texting and lying and your relationship with her in the present, i think you are still in the game but have lost ALL ground to her and the other guy. the letter she wrote makes it sound like she is caught up in a whirlwind of emotion with that guy, not just a fling. i mean, who handwrites a letter like that any more? especially after texting for 5000plus times in a month or whatever. you confronted her three times about the texts, busted her in his car, and found the handwritten note; she is really trying hard with this guy. her current connection to you is the "time you've spent together" connection. call it pity or feeling sorry or whatever.

I think she does want it to work. But the only way i see it working is if she basically leaves you for this guy then realises for some reason or another its not all she wanted or needed and comes back to you. just my opinion and i feel your pain bro..

Agreed, memories and familiarity is what she is afraid to lose. Perhaps you can try and spice things up, but chances are it will only work for a little while bro. The more time you waste, the less time you have to actually live for yourself...and not killing yourself to make someone else happy

[Matt]

I just cant read through all this, it would hurt my head....

However i think the thyme of this is that your going to get shut of her, if this is the case then is it ok if you pm her phone number to me????

Tell her im up for it....

[Shol'va]

Watch a Sam Kinison Video and you'll feel much better. He talks all about the women in his life and what they do to him. Even though he has passed on his videos are priceless.

[chemicalromance]

Stig; goddam man 5288 text messages in three months between them equals FIFTY EIGHT text messages PER DAY.

Also; in hindsight, you should have waited to see how they did their goodbye (kiss, hug, handshake etc) when he dropped her off at her car at the bus station.

[NattyR1]

I know what it's like to want to believe this shit didn't happen..... truth be told..... you'll NEVER know.... unless you hook her up to a lie detector LOL and yes you can do that.

I'd pay him another visit and scare the living shit out of him. Knock on his door and say "I will come back here and set your house on fire with you and your kids in it if you talk to her again"

~Haz~

i second this. laws and a set structure of rules has given people the illusion that the world is a safe place. what happens if you showed that 3rd person you're willing to cause him to hurt as you have? that you'll put his kids, his life, his job in danger?

i feel ya brotha.

look. i know you said you don't believe they fvcked. but the question is, do you really want to wait to find out? is crossing the line with only one foot less serious than being on the other side completely?

[40plusnewbie]

Wait, he doesn't believe they played humpty dumpty? It seems like a given, not to mention knob slobbing, given the frequency of texts, her being in some field or some shat, going to his house.

[warchild]

cut your losses and split

[lovbyts]

Trust is one of the hardest things to restore. At this point forget about trust and focus on proof.

As said above, check phone records. Focus on catching her/them. Obviously she is working very hard to keep him in the pictures.

Mentaly she is gone or at least 1/2 way out the door. It sucks.

[rbg]

Don't beat the chit out of this guy...it'll only make her have sympathy for him. The bottom line is it's her fault, not his, he's the one who's single.

I hate to have to add this, but it doesn't seem as though she has him out of her system. What happens the next time she feels alone?

I would talk to her, and highlight the important things. She may find comfort in this fella, who may seem just perfect as he's obviously willing to be at her beck and call whenever she wants him, but she has to ask herself a few questions about this guy. Why was he divorced? If he really was a true friend he wouldn't be trying to get in the way of her marriage and would help her work it out, that's what friends do. Ask her if she is in love with him. Ask the awkward questions and watch her response. Has he told her he loves her? Has she told him she loves him? If she tells you no..he hasn't told her he loves her...then make this point: So she is willing to destroy her marriage to you, a man she supposedly loves, for a guy who hasn't even told her he loves her! Does she think so little of you, to not value you at all? --- Isn't she going to look stupid at this point

So what's she going to do? Ask her the question straight. Put the scenario to her. So she leaves you, hooks up with this guy, and suddenly is now a mother...it's a package deal. She get's him, she also get's his kids. It ain't going to seem so rosie when she thinks it's all going to be romantic nights in, cuddling, when his kids are now sitting in between them. Having to deal with their resentment at this new woman taking their fathers attention away from them. Is she ready for that? So she feels taken for granted now, wait until she has his kids expecting her to cook food for them when they want it, and in the end, he's just looking for a replacement mother for his kids, and someone to be wifey again. It'll only be a matter of time before he'll be taking her for granted too. they'll eventually get into the throes of a normal relationship, he'll be going to work, and she'll be at home cooking, cleaning, and now raising kids that aren't hers!! Sounds just perfect, huh!!!

This is a typical 'the grass is greener on the other side'...as women don't compromise and live without, they go find what they want elsewhere.

Ask yourself this though, do you believe you could have kids with her? When the stress gets too much, sleepless nights, crying babies all day long, kids not wanting to sleep in their own beds because of monsters in the cupboard, and getting in between you every available moment, not being able to go out together alone, etc, do you think she'll go off searching once again for an escape from real life? Do you think you could trust her to be this committed?

She may think this guy has always been there for her...but so have you, and you've been the one who's been supporting her as well. She has to know when you married her, you meant it, and took it seriously. You thought she did too, and that she has let you down. For this, you're disappointed in her. She should have come to you if she had a problem with the relationship.

If she's really the one...you are going to have to find a way to forgive her. I hope it doesn't turn out that you'll end up constantly giving more and more of yourself trying to make her happy that you lose a part of yourself doing so, and forget to do the things that make you happy.

I've known a few relationships where the woman has had a moment of weakness and realised the mistake, and came back to her man, and they've lived a very good life together thereafter. The difference with these situations, is that the woman realised the mistake. The woman came back to her man.

You could always go to him, tell him you're not going to break his arms, or anything...seeing as he has kids. Tell him you want to know what his intentions are. What does he want from her? Get the feeling whether he's just trying to get in her knickers, or whether he really loves her. Make sure he knows that you love her too, and that you're not going to give her up unless she doesn't want you anymore. But there's nothing he can give her that you can't. the reason why I say talk to her and him, is that you are not the bad guy here...you can hold your head high and confront them, make them uneasy, take them out of this comfort zone they're hiding in. You have the upper hand, you know what they're doing, and you're calling them out on it. If he truly is in love with your wife, there's nothing anyone can do to stop him....if a visit from you scared him and made him give her up, he's not in love, he's just trying to get laid. By the sound of it, she hasn't a clue what she wants. If she was truly in love with this guy, she wouldn't be telling him she has to try with you. She's just looking for an escape, at the cost of your mental health.

The fact is...he may think she's freaking wonderful, but if she leaves you for him, it's only a matter of time before she does it again - I mean, she did it to you.

It's lust. Lust blocking all reasoning.

Be honest with yourself. Do you want to live with someone who is always going to make you question the security of your relationship?

In the end, only she can decide what she wants, but you can control whether you wish to continue with this uncertainty, or not.

I understand that you have put alot of time into this relationship, and just walking straight out without trying is not an option for you, this is why I write this way, kind of a diplomatic approach.

I wish you the best.

Good luck

[lovbyts]

Good advise and good points above

[Stigmata101]

Good advise and good points above

I agree.

We did have sex the other morning. Don't know exactly what that means. And so far she hasn't texted him.....But she is back texting everyone else with her phone which i hope rules out the second phone theory. I'm at the point now where I think this has all set in, I can't control what she does or doesnt do so all I can do is wait and see. If she lies about him again then things will be very clear. Nothing I can do about it. I will keep you guys posted.

[spywizard]

No kids yet. I want kids though. I feel like I owe the guy a beating more than any other beating I've given anyone in the past but then I might lose her for sure.

hate to do this to ya..

but why does he deserve a beating??? did he promise to love you and forsake all others but you?? to be faithful??

no, he's just a friend, that your wife has now shared and allowed him to be the hero..

I know it hurts.. if you want a go of it with her.. move to another city/state and start over.. otherwise, and you don't want to hear it.. but it's over..

[Hazard]

Trust is one of the hardest things to restore. At this point forget about trust and focus on proof.

As said above, check phone records. Focus on catching her/them. Obviously she is working very hard to keep him in the pictures.

Mentaly she is gone or at least 1/2 way out the door. It sucks.

Agreed..... trust after something like this is extremilly hard to restore. As i've said..... I had a similar situation that also involved pain killers and it's long done with but I still don't trust her like I used to. Our relationship suffers in other ways now because of it.

I tried EVERYTHING man..... I cut up her debit/credit cards..... Took her phone away..... only thing was.... I couldn't watch her while I was at work. She was just dumb enough to leave evidence..... and that was all I needed. Idunno if i'll ever completely trust her again.....

~Haz~

[NMacFar]

hate to do this to ya..

but why does he deserve a beating??? did he promise to love you and forsake all others but you?? to be faithful??

no, he's just a friend, that your wife has now shared and allowed him to be the hero..

I know it hurts.. if you want a go of it with her.. move to another city/state and start over.. otherwise, and you don't want to hear it.. but it's over..

x2. I know it would feel great to hit this guy, but the police are not going to have your back because you beat the piss out of a man who has been fuc*king around with your wife. With that said, he is a complete asshole and she is nothing short of promiscuous.

[MACHINE5150]

I guess I forgot to mention, we did get a marriage counsellor a few days after I went to the hospital.....She said she wants to make it work, and that she loves me but shes not in love with me.

if u want to make this work then you need to make her fall in love with you again.. go on vacation.. or do something random.. bring home roses.. get off work early and make her a nice dinner.. etc etc.. women are crazy, but they are easily entertained if you know what buttons to press.. take a tantric sex class together... or do something constructive together.. something that you can bond together doing.. Marriage is not 50/50... it is 100/100 if you want to make it work you need to go the extra mile to break that mundaness of her life.. she is dissapointed with her life or unhappy for one reason or another and as a result is becoming unfaithful.. it is just something new for her entertainment.. i would not say it is too late to save your marriage

[Flagg]

Trust is one of the hardest things to restore. At this point forget about trust and focus on proof.

Mentaly she is gone or at least 1/2 way out the door. It sucks.

This couldnt be more truer. Love is easy to lose and find again. Trust is a totally different matter. If you dont 100% trust someone, chances are you never will and anything you "think" is love will turn into something sour and bitter inside of you.

You can either

1) Take her back, and forever ignore that little voice in the back of your head...sure you can do that?
2) End things, and make a fresh start with someone else. It will hurt now, but that will pass....mistrust doesn't, and when you dont trust someone, its like slow torture.

You're constantly monitoring her phonecalls. Shouldn't that tell you something..

[Shinalynn]

if u want to make this work then you need to make her fall in love with you again.. go on vacation.. or do something random.. bring home roses.. get off work early and make her a nice dinner.. etc etc.. women are crazy, but they are easily entertained if you know what buttons to press.. take a tantric sex class together... or do something constructive together.. something that you can bond together doing.. Marriage is not 50/50... it is 100/100 if you want to make it work you need to go the extra mile to break that mundaness of her life.. she is dissapointed with her life or unhappy for one reason or another and as a result is becoming unfaithful.. it is just something new for her entertainment.. i would not say it is too late to save your marriage

[BJJ]

if u want to make this work then you need to make her fall in love with you again.. go on vacation.. or do something random.. bring home roses.. get off work early and make her a nice dinner.. etc etc.. women are crazy, but they are easily entertained if you know what buttons to press.. take a tantric sex class together... or do something constructive together.. something that you can bond together doing.. Marriage is not 50/50... it is 100/100 if you want to make it work you need to go the extra mile to break that mundaness of her life.. she is dissapointed with her life or unhappy for one reason or another and as a result is becoming unfaithful.. it is just something new for her entertainment.. i would not say it is too late to save your marriage

Thank you for letting me read that.
I am also facing a severe time with my wife and I really needed to see what you wrote.

Wise words...

[OH REALLY]

my opinion stays the same.... beat his ass in

[zimmy]

if u want to make this work then you need to make her fall in love with you again.. go on vacation.. or do something random.. bring home roses.. get off work early and make her a nice dinner.. etc etc.. women are crazy, but they are easily entertained if you know what buttons to press.. take a tantric sex class together... or do something constructive together.. something that you can bond together doing.. Marriage is not 50/50... it is 100/100 if you want to make it work you need to go the extra mile to break that mundaness of her life.. she is dissapointed with her life or unhappy for one reason or another and as a result is becoming unfaithful.. it is just something new for her entertainment.. i would not say it is too late to save your marriage

Yah...that makes since...she is f*cking around on you so romance her more?

It sad because that is the best course of action to salvage your relationship but seriously ... what does that say about women in our society if that is the best course of action.

[chemicalromance]

what does that say about women? it says that the playing field is no longer leveled, it is totally run in favor of women. today men have more and more of a reactionary position with women. yup it makes perfect sense; she is fvcking around on him so he has to react by romancing her more. thats all he can do, she is 100% indignent about her actions, never apologized when he caught her texting, driving with the other guy with or writing him a freakin love letter. he will now react again by waiting to find her new phone number, then what after that? studies show men cheat more than women but i firmly believe the opposite is true because women are MUCH better at being shady and keeping their mouths shut. fvck it i dont know where i'm goin with this lol

[D3m3nt3d]

if u want to make this work then you need to make her fall in love with you again.. go on vacation.. or do something random.. bring home roses.. get off work early and make her a nice dinner.. etc etc.. women are crazy, but they are easily entertained if you know what buttons to press.. take a tantric sex class together... or do something constructive together.. something that you can bond together doing.. Marriage is not 50/50... it is 100/100 if you want to make it work you need to go the extra mile to break that mundaness of her life.. she is dissapointed with her life or unhappy for one reason or another and as a result is becoming unfaithful.. it is just something new for her entertainment.. i would not say it is too late to save your marriage

Been there and tried all of this. In the end I just looked like an asskisser pretty much minus a few days, and well nobody likes an asskisser,

Sounds good, but I don't think you should have to MAKE your wife fall back in love with you. I feel you should always be great to them, and be the man you promised you would be. If this was enough to get married, why should you have to try and change everything now, just because she decides she wants to drift to another man?

[Stigmata101]

my opinion stays the same.... beat his ass in

ya I know what your sayin, I mean didn't the guy break some sort of "man law" that states you don't fuk around with a married mans wife? I know it's just as much her fault as it is his and this is why I figure I at least owe the guy a shot to the head if nothing else. But on the other hand if he deserves one then doesn't she? And I'm not about to hit my wife.........

[lovbyts]

Yah...that makes since...she is f*cking around on you so romance her more?

It sad because that is the best course of action to salvage your relationship but seriously ... what does that say about women in our society if that is the best course of action.

I agree, if all things are equal (They arent) then if she has done wrong SHE needs to make it right; not you kissing her ass to make her feel better about what SHE is doing wrong.

Bring home a hooker (or any girl will do), **** her in your bed and see if your wife tries to make you feel better about the whole thing.

[Stigmata101]

I agree, if all things are equal (They arent) then if she has done wrong SHE needs to make it right; not you kissing her ass to make her feel better about what SHE is doing wrong.

Bring home a hooker (or any girl will do), **** her in your bed and see if your wife tries to make you feel better about the whole thing.

LMFAO....good point. If things don't work out I might actually try that.

[Hazard]

ya I know what your sayin, I mean didn't the guy break some sort of "man law" that states you don't fuk around with a married mans wife? I know it's just as much her fault as it is his and this is why I figure I at least owe the guy a shot to the head if nothing else. But on the other hand if he deserves one then doesn't she? And I'm not about to hit my wife.........

I'd still beat his ass..... as childish as it is IDC.... i'm still young and think dumb.

In all honesty..... I would pay him a visit and think up some of the most cruel things to say to him. Like I said..... tell him if you catch him so much as texting your wife one more time..... you're going to catch him with his kids and make him watch them burn alive before you slit his throat.....

This is YOUR fvcking wife.... not his. He knows shes married and he probably undermined you to her anyways..... ofcoarse playing her feelings against you. He needs to be scared IMO......

She needs a swift kick in the ass..... theres no damn way in hell I would romance her hoping she'd fall back "In love" with me. She owes you a home cooked meal and anal every night when you get home from work for a couple years......

~Haz~

[D3m3nt3d]

ya I know what your sayin, I mean didn't the guy break some sort of "man law" that states you don't fuk around with a married mans wife? I know it's just as much her fault as it is his and this is why I figure I at least owe the guy a shot to the head if nothing else. But on the other hand if he deserves one then doesn't she? And I'm not about to hit my wife.........

Ya know in my situation, my wife hung out long enough at school one day to put together a matching story in case I ever seen this guy. The guy I caught my wife talking dirty with I had known since high school. He was WELL AWARE we were married. But most guys don't care bro, there is no 'man law' when a girl shoves them tits in your face or something similar.

Surprisingly I haven't really had much of a desire to kick his ass, he already had the fear of God in him and apologized 50 times when he found out I knew. In the end, its the one who made the promise to never forsake you, that crossed the line. It was HER place to not let it reach the point where it reached. If I wanted to kiss anymore ass, I could have salvaged our marriage, long enough for her to make a little money and develop a plan to leave. What good would that have done? We have a child together and I wasn't trying to do that. If the woman feels she is "out of love" with you, you are going to kill yourself trying to bring it back. Doing all this shit for her may bring TEMPORARY happiness, but not love. The love should have been there, and grown each day you were married.

Take it from someone who is going thru it right now with you bro.

[alexISthrowed]

I agree with lovbyts. She is the one the cheated on you. Even if you were not there for her emotionally that does not make it ok. Do you want to live the rest of your life paranoid, constantly checking her phone and searching for evidence of her cheating? I like the hooker idea. Have her come over right before your wife gets home. Dress her up it your wifes wedding dress and wang her out. When the wife gets home tell her she has not been there for you emotionally.

[Standby]

I'd still beat his ass..... as childish as it is IDC.... i'm still young and think dumb.

In all honesty..... I would pay him a visit and think up some of the most cruel things to say to him. Like I said..... tell him if you catch him so much as texting your wife one more time..... you're going to catch him with his kids and make him watch them burn alive before you slit his throat.....

This is YOUR fvcking wife.... not his. He knows shes married and he probably undermined you to her anyways..... ofcoarse playing her feelings against you. He needs to be scared IMO......

She needs a swift kick in the ass..... theres no damn way in hell I would romance her hoping she'd fall back "In love" with me. She owes you a home cooked meal and anal every night when you get home from work for a couple years......

~Haz~

im gunna have to agree with this mafvcka right here. first dinner i want a full fvcking turkey

[♥Purity♣]

Drop the whore, move on, live your life stress free and happy.

[BJJ]

^^^
Who gives you the right to call her a whore?
3 Posts and you already showed a glimpse of yourself.

[James6speed]

Dude,
I know that devastation you must feel, and unfortunately it tends to take away our rational thinking. I am not going to tell you my story, but let's just say I am divorced, and now getting re-married to the most wonderful person I have ever met! I now that sometimes things just aren't worth salvaging, and that is mostly for your health man. I mean after years of this what is going to happen? I would like to be able to talk to you and help you and give you advice, but just consider that there may be someone else out there that would not do those things to you, and would be upfront if they didn't want to be with you. I know what I would do if it was me, but I have already been through this, and I think you really need to think long and hard before you make the decision to stay with this woman.

[MrGreen]

I didnt read all the pages to this post but after the first one I will give you my input.


First. If you tend to have a temper and you know it can be provoked at times and very much so in situations like this you need to have admin remove this post!! If you ever do anything and this post is found your facing a whole nothing world of shit.

Second. Like others have been mentioned you dont know what she has done but I can tell you from experience its not a good sign when you can tell yourself you have neglected her emotional needs. This being said you have some serious making up to do which when this happened to me I felt as if she thought she could get away with anything because she knew I had neglected her and was trying to make up for it.

Lose lose when I was going through it.

third. Have her change her number and quit giving her chances. Either you quit talking to him or we go our separate ways. If she truly wants to make it work then she would quit other wise I would say she is just planning things and riding it out until she is ready to go on her own. No relationship can work with only one person trying plain and simple.



Only neglect what you are willing to loose and never take for granted what you neglect.


Just my .02