Losing my wife

**Shinalynn** · 07-28-2010, 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by calgarian

simple question....u tell tai i am not in love with you after he neglected you for one year and then you cheated on him...what should he do? (its hypothetical so dont get offended please)

wow I had a real hard time putting myself into that situation with tai. I would have left. I dont think I could EVER cheat on him..I really love him that much.
On the other hand if it was someone else, and if i am at the point of cheating (emotional and all) then it would for sure be over for me. None of this but I still love you stuff.

I wasnt saying he should work it out or shouldnt, I wasnt saying she was right in what she did. In order to work it out you have to start out with a clean slate, and become friends again. I am a believer in two key points to a marriage, is friendship and sex. I was throwing out that they should work on the friendship if THEY really want it to work..

**calgarian** · 07-28-2010, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by Shinalynn

wow I had a real hard time putting myself into that situation with tai. I would have left. I dont think I could EVER cheat on him..I really love him that much.
On the other hand if it was someone else, and if i am at the point of cheating (emotional and all) then it would for sure be over for me. None of this but I still love you stuff.

I wasnt saying he should work it out or shouldnt, I wasnt saying she was right in what she did. In order to work it out you have to start out with a clean slate, and become friends again. I am a believe the two key points to a marriage, is friendship and sex. I was throwing out that they should work on the friendship if THEY really want it to work..

Bingo!!! then y give advise to him to try work things out if u werent going to do that?
for second bold....some ppl are coward they are not sure how the new thing will work out so they like to keep the old one hanging around thats why they say "love make you week"....she is playing with his emotions and I have seen my fair share of women in my life.....

Third bold there is no they just him... you cant clap with one hand......

**Knockout_Power** · 07-28-2010, 11:26 AM

edit out...

**BJJ** · 07-28-2010, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by Shinalynn

wow I had a real hard time putting myself into that situation with tai. I would have left. I dont think I could EVER cheat on him..I really love him that much.
On the other hand if it was someone else, and if i am at the point of cheating (emotional and all) then it would for sure be over for me. None of this but I still love you stuff.

I wasnt saying he should work it out or shouldnt, I wasnt saying she was right in what she did. In order to work it out you have to start out with a clean slate, and become friends again. I am a believer in two key points to a marriage, is friendship and sex. I was throwing out that they should work on the friendship if THEY really want it to work..

Very true.

**D3m3nt3d** · 07-28-2010, 10:48 AM

Stig,

How old are you and your wife bro? I am going thru a divorce thats probably not going to end up pretty, and trust me - I too made vows for better or worse and meant every single word of them. But, in the end, it takes two my friend. She is looking a way out, and sooner or later she is going to find it. She may be telling you I wont do it again I promise, but this is probably to just buy her time.

Read everything you have said in this thread. Now if it were someone else going thru this, what advice would you give them?

Like I said, I am going thru the same thing, feel free to PM me if need be.

**calgarian** · 07-28-2010, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by D3m3nt3d

Stig,

How old are you and your wife bro? I am going thru a divorce thats probably not going to end up pretty, and trust me - I too made vows for better or worse and meant every single word of them. But, in the end, it takes two my friend. She is looking a way out, and sooner or later she is going to find it. She may be telling you I wont do it again I promise, but this is probably to just buy her time.

Read everything you have said in this thread. Now if it were someone else going thru this, what advice would you give them?

Like I said, I am going thru the same thing, feel free to PM me if need be.

Dude ur situation is worse cause u have a kid involved but i am just glad that the kid isnt here otherwise he will stay with her no matter what...

**Stigmata101** · 07-28-2010, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by D3m3nt3d

Stig,

How old are you and your wife bro? I am going thru a divorce thats probably not going to end up pretty, and trust me - I too made vows for better or worse and meant every single word of them. But, in the end, it takes two my friend. She is looking a way out, and sooner or later she is going to find it. She may be telling you I wont do it again I promise, but this is probably to just buy her time.

Read everything you have said in this thread. Now if it were someone else going thru this, what advice would you give them?

Like I said, I am going thru the same thing, feel free to PM me if need be.

I am 36 she 30. I would say the same things most of you are saying. If we get divorced I will lose my ranch and everything else I have worked so hard for. Sure I will walk away with some good cash but even that hurts

**D3m3nt3d** · 07-28-2010, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by Stigmata101

I am 36 she 30. I would say the same things most of you are saying. If we get divorced I will lose my ranch and everything else I have worked so hard for. Sure I will walk away with some good cash but even that hurts

I lost everything that mattered the most to me bro. I loved her to no end, and I love my children to no end...But you know what you do? You find a way and you rebuild, and based off how your life is going right now - I guarantee you end up building a better life for yourself. You don't need all the drama man. Wondering where she is at, who she is with, who is she talking to etc...it's going to kill you. You want a wife who will be just that, a wife. Not some 30 yr old having a fling running around like its high school.

Our situation is a little different, I never detached myself from my wife, I always gave her complete love and support emotionally and physically...but she was one of them types that get bored, and feels she is missing out on life. When in reality, when it all sinks in she will realize she had the family life, which is what most people care to attain. Point is, she is not in love with you man, you can't MAKE her be happy with you no matter what you do, she needs to learn how to BE happy. I beat myself to no end trying, and in the end I got shit on, with not even an apology. I just don't see a happy ending for you bro.

**Knockout_Power** · 07-28-2010, 11:06 AM

Im not going to lie, I havent read half the postings in this thread but here is my take on cheating is that if it happens once (hopefully its just once)... and the couple "works things through" to stay together... it usually means it will happen again cause there were no serious reprocautions the first time so subsequent affairs are made easier... and no matter how much you want to forgive and forget, trust is not something that just re-appears.

**calgarian** · 07-28-2010, 11:09 AM

Originally Posted by Knockout_Power

Im not going to lie, I havent read half the postings in this thread but here is my take on cheating is that if it happens once (hopefully its just once)... and the couple "works things through" to stay together... it usually means it will happen again cause there were no serious reprocautions the first time so subsequent affairs are made easier... and no matter how much you want to forgive and forget, trust is not something that just re-appears.

also you dont forget and forgive you actually forgive but never forget. then come insecurities and all the other shit woman accused us of

**Knockout_Power** · 07-28-2010, 11:08 AM

Yes, I have seen some relationships blossom after a "mistake" was overcome, but I see far more that turn into a cheat fest as it seems like the ok thing to do as long as you were mad at each other, taking time off from each other or just cause they wanted to get some new action... it seems like a horrible outlook, but yah, reality does bite sometimes.

**Times Roman** · 07-28-2010, 11:39 AM

I have a life long buddy who married his highschool sweetheart. I even went to the same kindergarten class as his wife. So the three of us have some history. In highschool, she would regularly break up with him and date other guys... and my buddy always took her back. He would play it off as an opportunity to spend more time with the guys when she did things like this. They married. You can't just repeatedly break up a marriage just cause you want to be with a guy for awhile, so she didn't. But she didn't stop seeing other guys. She did it on the downlow. She eventually gets pregnenant while married with a BF she had while my buddy was in germany. Claims the ony did it one time. Gets an abortion. A few years later, and while still married to my buddy, she starts to bring around guy #2, intros to the kids as her "friend". "Friend" is also married. Long story short, those are the only two we know for a fact, but there is probably countless others. Who knows. My buddy has been married to this lady for 25 years. She wanted to renew their vows. He wants a divorce. The kids are now grown.

My point is this. The behavioural patterns you see TODAY, are probably the same patterns you will see TOMORROW, and next year. This is a GENERAL RULE. Of course there are exceptions. But the odds are definately against it.

**chemicalromance** · 07-28-2010, 05:11 PM

Stig;
the way you describe her rampant texting and lying and your relationship with her in the present, i think you are still in the game but have lost ALL ground to her and the other guy. the letter she wrote makes it sound like she is caught up in a whirlwind of emotion with that guy, not just a fling. i mean, who handwrites a letter like that any more? especially after texting for 5000plus times in a month or whatever. you confronted her three times about the texts, busted her in his car, and found the handwritten note; she is really trying hard with this guy. her current connection to you is the "time you've spent together" connection. call it pity or feeling sorry or whatever.

I think she does want it to work. But the only way i see it working is if she basically leaves you for this guy then realises for some reason or another its not all she wanted or needed and comes back to you. just my opinion and i feel your pain bro..

**D3m3nt3d** · 07-28-2010, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by chemicalromance

Stig;
the way you describe her rampant texting and lying and your relationship with her in the present, i think you are still in the game but have lost ALL ground to her and the other guy. the letter she wrote makes it sound like she is caught up in a whirlwind of emotion with that guy, not just a fling. i mean, who handwrites a letter like that any more? especially after texting for 5000plus times in a month or whatever. you confronted her three times about the texts, busted her in his car, and found the handwritten note; she is really trying hard with this guy. her current connection to you is the "time you've spent together" connection. call it pity or feeling sorry or whatever.

I think she does want it to work. But the only way i see it working is if she basically leaves you for this guy then realises for some reason or another its not all she wanted or needed and comes back to you. just my opinion and i feel your pain bro..

Agreed, memories and familiarity is what she is afraid to lose. Perhaps you can try and spice things up, but chances are it will only work for a little while bro. The more time you waste, the less time you have to actually live for yourself...and not killing yourself to make someone else happy

**Matt** · 07-28-2010, 05:22 PM

I just cant read through all this, it would hurt my head....

However i think the thyme of this is that your going to get shut of her, if this is the case then is it ok if you pm her phone number to me????

Tell her im up for it....

**Shol'va** · 07-28-2010, 06:11 PM

Watch a Sam Kinison Video and you'll feel much better. He talks all about the women in his life and what they do to him. Even though he has passed on his videos are priceless.

**chemicalromance** · 07-28-2010, 06:25 PM

Stig; goddam man 5288 text messages in three months between them equals FIFTY EIGHT text messages PER DAY.

Also; in hindsight, you should have waited to see how they did their goodbye (kiss, hug, handshake etc) when he dropped her off at her car at the bus station.

**40plusnewbie** · 07-31-2010, 11:26 AM

Wait, he doesn't believe they played humpty dumpty? It seems like a given, not to mention knob slobbing, given the frequency of texts, her being in some field or some shat, going to his house.

**warchild** · 07-31-2010, 11:40 AM

cut your losses and split

**lovbyts** · 07-31-2010, 11:32 PM

Trust is one of the hardest things to restore. At this point forget about trust and focus on proof.

As said above, check phone records. Focus on catching her/them. Obviously she is working very hard to keep him in the pictures.

Mentaly she is gone or at least 1/2 way out the door. It sucks.

**Hazard** · 08-02-2010, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Trust is one of the hardest things to restore. At this point forget about trust and focus on proof.

As said above, check phone records. Focus on catching her/them. Obviously she is working very hard to keep him in the pictures.

Mentaly she is gone or at least 1/2 way out the door. It sucks.

Agreed..... trust after something like this is extremilly hard to restore. As i've said..... I had a similar situation that also involved pain killers and it's long done with but I still don't trust her like I used to. Our relationship suffers in other ways now because of it.

I tried EVERYTHING man..... I cut up her debit/credit cards..... Took her phone away..... only thing was.... I couldn't watch her while I was at work. She was just dumb enough to leave evidence..... and that was all I needed. Idunno if i'll ever completely trust her again.....

~Haz~

**Flagg** · 08-02-2010, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Trust is one of the hardest things to restore. At this point forget about trust and focus on proof.

Mentaly she is gone or at least 1/2 way out the door. It sucks.

This couldnt be more truer. Love is easy to lose and find again. Trust is a totally different matter. If you dont 100% trust someone, chances are you never will and anything you "think" is love will turn into something sour and bitter inside of you.

You can either

1) Take her back, and forever ignore that little voice in the back of your head...sure you can do that?
2) End things, and make a fresh start with someone else. It will hurt now, but that will pass....mistrust doesn't, and when you dont trust someone, its like slow torture.

You're constantly monitoring her phonecalls. Shouldn't that tell you something..

**lovbyts** · 08-01-2010, 02:47 AM

Good advise and good points above

**Stigmata101** · 08-01-2010, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by lovbyts

Good advise and good points above

I agree.

We did have sex the other morning. Don't know exactly what that means. And so far she hasn't texted him.....But she is back texting everyone else with her phone which i hope rules out the second phone theory. I'm at the point now where I think this has all set in, I can't control what she does or doesnt do so all I can do is wait and see. If she lies about him again then things will be very clear. Nothing I can do about it. I will keep you guys posted.

**OH REALLY** · 08-03-2010, 06:37 AM

my opinion stays the same.... beat his ass in

**Stigmata101** · 08-04-2010, 01:07 AM

Originally Posted by OH REALLY

my opinion stays the same.... beat his ass in

ya I know what your sayin, I mean didn't the guy break some sort of "man law" that states you don't fuk around with a married mans wife? I know it's just as much her fault as it is his and this is why I figure I at least owe the guy a shot to the head if nothing else. But on the other hand if he deserves one then doesn't she? And I'm not about to hit my wife.........

**Hazard** · 08-04-2010, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by Stigmata101

ya I know what your sayin, I mean didn't the guy break some sort of "man law" that states you don't fuk around with a married mans wife? I know it's just as much her fault as it is his and this is why I figure I at least owe the guy a shot to the head if nothing else. But on the other hand if he deserves one then doesn't she? And I'm not about to hit my wife.........

I'd still beat his ass..... as childish as it is IDC.... i'm still young and think dumb.

In all honesty..... I would pay him a visit and think up some of the most cruel things to say to him. Like I said..... tell him if you catch him so much as texting your wife one more time..... you're going to catch him with his kids and make him watch them burn alive before you slit his throat.....

This is YOUR fvcking wife.... not his. He knows shes married and he probably undermined you to her anyways..... ofcoarse playing her feelings against you. He needs to be scared IMO......

She needs a swift kick in the ass..... theres no damn way in hell I would romance her hoping she'd fall back "In love" with me. She owes you a home cooked meal and anal every night when you get home from work for a couple years......

~Haz~

**Standby** · 08-04-2010, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by Hazard

I'd still beat his ass..... as childish as it is IDC.... i'm still young and think dumb.

In all honesty..... I would pay him a visit and think up some of the most cruel things to say to him. Like I said..... tell him if you catch him so much as texting your wife one more time..... you're going to catch him with his kids and make him watch them burn alive before you slit his throat.....

This is YOUR fvcking wife.... not his. He knows shes married and he probably undermined you to her anyways..... ofcoarse playing her feelings against you. He needs to be scared IMO......

She needs a swift kick in the ass..... theres no damn way in hell I would romance her hoping she'd fall back "In love" with me. She owes you a home cooked meal and anal every night when you get home from work for a couple years......

~Haz~

im gunna have to agree with this mafvcka right here. first dinner i want a full fvcking turkey

**D3m3nt3d** · 08-04-2010, 08:24 AM

Originally Posted by Stigmata101

ya I know what your sayin, I mean didn't the guy break some sort of "man law" that states you don't fuk around with a married mans wife? I know it's just as much her fault as it is his and this is why I figure I at least owe the guy a shot to the head if nothing else. But on the other hand if he deserves one then doesn't she? And I'm not about to hit my wife.........

Ya know in my situation, my wife hung out long enough at school one day to put together a matching story in case I ever seen this guy. The guy I caught my wife talking dirty with I had known since high school. He was WELL AWARE we were married. But most guys don't care bro, there is no 'man law' when a girl shoves them tits in your face or something similar.

Surprisingly I haven't really had much of a desire to kick his ass, he already had the fear of God in him and apologized 50 times when he found out I knew. In the end, its the one who made the promise to never forsake you, that crossed the line. It was HER place to not let it reach the point where it reached. If I wanted to kiss anymore ass, I could have salvaged our marriage, long enough for her to make a little money and develop a plan to leave. What good would that have done? We have a child together and I wasn't trying to do that. If the woman feels she is "out of love" with you, you are going to kill yourself trying to bring it back. Doing all this shit for her may bring TEMPORARY happiness, but not love. The love should have been there, and grown each day you were married.

Take it from someone who is going thru it right now with you bro.

**calgarian** · 08-06-2010, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by Stigmata101

ya I know what your sayin, I mean didn't the guy break some sort of "man law" that states you don't fuk around with a married mans wife? I know it's just as much her fault as it is his and this is why I figure I at least owe the guy a shot to the head if nothing else. But on the other hand if he deserves one then doesn't she? And I'm not about to hit my wife.........

u live close by let me and KP know we can go beat his ass......

**chemicalromance** · 08-03-2010, 03:02 PM

what does that say about women? it says that the playing field is no longer leveled, it is totally run in favor of women. today men have more and more of a reactionary position with women. yup it makes perfect sense; she is fvcking around on him so he has to react by romancing her more. thats all he can do, she is 100% indignent about her actions, never apologized when he caught her texting, driving with the other guy with or writing him a freakin love letter. he will now react again by waiting to find her new phone number, then what after that? studies show men cheat more than women but i firmly believe the opposite is true because women are MUCH better at being shady and keeping their mouths shut. fvck it i dont know where i'm goin with this lol

**alexISthrowed** · 08-04-2010, 07:52 PM

I agree with lovbyts. She is the one the cheated on you. Even if you were not there for her emotionally that does not make it ok. Do you want to live the rest of your life paranoid, constantly checking her phone and searching for evidence of her cheating? I like the hooker idea. Have her come over right before your wife gets home. Dress her up it your wifes wedding dress and wang her out. When the wife gets home tell her she has not been there for you emotionally.

**♥Purity♣** · 08-04-2010, 09:06 PM

Drop the whore, move on, live your life stress free and happy.

**BJJ** · 08-05-2010, 01:21 AM

^^^
Who gives you the right to call her a whore?
3 Posts and you already showed a glimpse of yourself.

**♥Purity♣** · 08-05-2010, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by BJJ

^^^
Who gives you the right to call her a whore?
3 Posts and you already showed a glimpse of yourself.

She cheated and lied to him.

Should I apologize for calling her a whore and call her a sweetie instead?

**BJJ** · 08-05-2010, 12:15 PM

Originally Posted by ♥Purity♣

She cheated and lied to him.

Should I apologize for calling her a whore and call her a sweetie instead?

Whatever she did it was not meant to hurt or offend your person, so you have no right to insult.

4 Posts and counting...

**Stigmata101** · 08-10-2010, 09:07 AM

Originally Posted by ♥Purity♣

She cheated and lied to him.

Should I apologize for calling her a whore and call her a sweetie instead?

you should apologize for wasting bandwidth for your "intelligent" comments.

**James6speed** · 08-05-2010, 02:03 AM

Dude,
I know that devastation you must feel, and unfortunately it tends to take away our rational thinking. I am not going to tell you my story, but let's just say I am divorced, and now getting re-married to the most wonderful person I have ever met! I now that sometimes things just aren't worth salvaging, and that is mostly for your health man. I mean after years of this what is going to happen? I would like to be able to talk to you and help you and give you advice, but just consider that there may be someone else out there that would not do those things to you, and would be upfront if they didn't want to be with you. I know what I would do if it was me, but I have already been through this, and I think you really need to think long and hard before you make the decision to stay with this woman.

**MrGreen** · 08-05-2010, 02:52 AM

I didnt read all the pages to this post but after the first one I will give you my input.

First. If you tend to have a temper and you know it can be provoked at times and very much so in situations like this you need to have admin remove this post!! If you ever do anything and this post is found your facing a whole nothing world of shit.

Second. Like others have been mentioned you dont know what she has done but I can tell you from experience its not a good sign when you can tell yourself you have neglected her emotional needs. This being said you have some serious making up to do which when this happened to me I felt as if she thought she could get away with anything because she knew I had neglected her and was trying to make up for it.

Lose lose when I was going through it.

third. Have her change her number and quit giving her chances. Either you quit talking to him or we go our separate ways. If she truly wants to make it work then she would quit other wise I would say she is just planning things and riding it out until she is ready to go on her own. No relationship can work with only one person trying plain and simple.

Only neglect what you are willing to loose and never take for granted what you neglect.

Just my .02

**MrGreen** · 08-05-2010, 03:00 AM

Oh as for loosing things if you can prove infidelity you wont loose much bro!! YOu prove she is having a relationship with another person either male or female and you will get most of your stuff. Judges dont like the cheating kind neither do jurys.

By the way in my last post I ment to have admin delete the entire thread. Dont do anything to the guy if you want to prove infidelity as then it wont matter with this thread since its been noted you know about it and have had plenty of time to think about what to do. Cant exactly make a plea of insanity when you have days or even weeks to think about it.