GF issue

[Sfla80]

Ok, so im about to marry my fiance and just had a feeling rescently and snooped on her computer. Just before we met she dated this guy fr a short time. Said it didnt work out and they didnt click at all. But now when i looked on her computer history she checks his facebook looks like couple times a week. The guys married now with a kid, and she even looks up the wife too. The last search she was looking through all the photos. I know al this sounds childish, but faceboook is huge and everyone uses it.

Should i bring this up? I dont think shes talking to him at all, but theres just something about it thats bothering me. maybe shes jealous that hes married? Maybe regretting not being with him?

I have been cheated on before and thats why i looked, probably shouldnt have. I love her with everything i have, but afraid my fears are true, or that if i bring it up will lead to a break up to.

Any thoughts?

[austinite]

Why are you having these feelings of insecurity? It's human nature to be curious about people you've been with and what they're doing with their lives. That fades away eventually.

[S&S_ShovelHead]

I don't really think its a big deal at all. If she is talking to him regularly and hiding it from you or not telling you then you'd have something to worry about.

[Lunk1]

Talk to her...not us! Explain clearly to her that it makes you feel insecure and jelious! Keep in mind..you had better be free from sin yourself! Dont bust her chops for checking the FB page of an ex if you are still in contact with or checking on any of yours!

[Back In Black]

Talk to her...not us! Explain clearly to her that it makes you feel insecure and jelious! Keep in mind..you had better be free from sin yourself! Dont bust her chops for checking the FB page of an ex if you are still in contact with or checking on any of yours!

Noooooo, he'll have to admit to snooping! That might not go down so well. I occasionally look to see what my ex's are up to. I have no intention of ever seeing them again let alone anything else.

[dan991]

Had a similar issue... come to find out my now ex was emailing with him back and forth daily from her work email account. He emailed her, she would respond, and then delete it all. She was showing me some pics on her phone when his response popped up on the screen and it had the whole email chain. Come to find out more or less she's been "sexting" with him since we've met; it was literally a daily thing.

Honestly- after going through this shit several times now with women and their exes... I will look. If you have nothing to hide.... you have nothing to worry about My advise from the school of hard knocks... if you find bread crumbs chances are there is gonna be bread if you go looking for it. You're talking about getting married- go look and see if you find bread because she left crumbs behind..... putting a ring on her finger may or may not be a good idea dependent on HER actions.

[dan991]

Noooooo, he'll have to admit to snooping! That might not go down so well. I occasionally look to see what my ex's are up to. I have no intention of ever seeing them again let alone anything else.

Not necessarily. I would ask her to use her computer (find a reason). Then... go to a web page and close it accidentally. Then be like "damn" and go into the search history to find the page you closed... whoops.. what is this FB shit?!

[dan991]

P.S..... I give EVERY woman a fair chance.... every single one of them is "trusted" until I have reason not to. Then you get the door.

[Lunk1]

Looking through search history is far from snooping but...even if he was snooping...that is the least of his worries! Honesty, and communication..if you can't have them now, it will only get worse!

[dan991]

Looking through search history is far from snooping but...even if he was snooping...that is the least of his worries! Honesty, and communication..if you can't have them now, it will only get worse!

+1... the worse thing you want to find out is that the person you married is not the person you thought they were. Everyone has a past; but its a past for a reason and when you co-mingle your past with your present/future.... bad things happen. I've found that every time I find bread crumbs.... there is bread when I go looking. I don't even look until crumbs are thrown in front of me that cannot be ignored. Even worse.... one lie requires a follow up lie... and a relationship built on lies is destined for failure.

[Papa Smurf]

Ok, so im about to marry my fiance and just had a feeling rescently and snooped on her computer. Just before we met she dated this guy fr a short time. Said it didnt work out and they didnt click at all. But now when i looked on her computer history she checks his facebook looks like couple times a week. The guys married now with a kid, and she even looks up the wife too. The last search she was looking through all the photos. I know al this sounds childish, but faceboook is huge and everyone uses it.

Should i bring this up? I dont think shes talking to him at all, but theres just something about it thats bothering me. maybe shes jealous that hes married? Maybe regretting not being with him?

I have been cheated on before and thats why i looked, probably shouldnt have. I love her with everything i have, but afraid my fears are true, or that if i bring it up will lead to a break up to.

Any thoughts?

I have several ex's and have had no desire to see what they are up to, hince the term ex.

She has issues..................TALK ABOUT IT

[The Bear 79]

Goode, what the fvck is that in you're avi??? It looks like an ass but I can't tell what's going on.........

[ac guy]

Goode, what the fvck is that in you're avi??? It looks like an ass but I can't tell what's going on.........

Dude it's boobs. better check yo self lol

[ac guy]

If she looked one time no biggie, but a couple times a week raises a red flag. There's definitely a possibility that she's got something for this guy. tough spot bro

[The Bear 79]

Dude it's boobs. better check yo self lol

OK, I think I see it now, she took a pic of herself laying on the couch........

[ironbeck]

You bring it up and talk about it like adults, and try to work it all out, your about to marry this person if you cant express your feeling no matter how insecure relavant or irrelevant then bro do not get married!

[songdog]

Had a similar issue... come to find out my now ex was emailing with him back and forth daily from her work email account. He emailed her, she would respond, and then delete it all. She was showing me some pics on her phone when his response popped up on the screen and it had the whole email chain. Come to find out more or less she's been "sexting" with him since we've met; it was literally a daily thing.

Honestly- after going through this shit several times now with women and their exes... I will look. If you have nothing to hide.... you have nothing to worry about My advise from the school of hard knocks... if you find bread crumbs chances are there is gonna be bread if you go looking for it. You're talking about getting married- go look and see if you find bread because she left crumbs behind..... putting a ring on her finger may or may not be a good idea dependent on HER actions.

Hell a stud like yourself! I cant see why a woman wouldnt be sexting someone else.Just sayin

[songdog]

You guys got way to much time on your hands.When I got to go checking behind my wife.she will be a X real soon.

[MuscleInk]

You guys got way to much time on your hands.When I got to go checking behind my wife.she will be a X real soon.

Exactly. My wife knows where I stand. You **** around, you're gone. I don't feel the need to check up on her or question her motives. If I had to, there simply would be no point being with her if I couldn't trust her.

.....and Facebook is ridiculous. I don't need people knowing where I am or who I'm with 24/7.

[Hoggage_54]

What are her stats? Post some pics of her so we can get a better idea of how to help.

[DB1982]

Had a similar issue... come to find out my now ex was emailing with him back and forth daily from her work email account. He emailed her, she would respond, and then delete it all. She was showing me some pics on her phone when his response popped up on the screen and it had the whole email chain. Come to find out more or less she's been "sexting" with him since we've met; it was literally a daily thing.

Honestly- after going through this shit several times now with women and their exes... I will look. If you have nothing to hide.... you have nothing to worry about My advise from the school of hard knocks... if you find bread crumbs chances are there is gonna be bread if you go looking for it. You're talking about getting married- go look and see if you find bread because she left crumbs behind..... putting a ring on her finger may or may not be a good idea dependent on HER actions.

I couldn't agree more.

The thing is with the ability of cell phones nowadays what you found on her computer Is probably only the tip of the ice burg of what's on her phone.

Most people do their dirt on their phones these days.
Like Dan said follow the crumbs.

[The Bear 79]

Hell a stud like yourself! I cant see why a woman wouldnt be sexting someone else.Just sayin

Dan I think Songdog just proposed to you............

[--->>405<<---]

does not sound like a good place to be entering into a marriage from. at this point it seems IMO ur fVcked because if u dont say anything it will continue to nag and fester and if u do say something ur gonna look like an a-hole.

if it were me id go ahead and let the cat out of the bag. only prob is then u have to wonder if shes just a really good liar. i tell u man trust is one of the most important elements of marriage. in a way this kind of serves u right for looking. im sure ur guilty of doing all kinds of stuff ud have a hard time explaining to her. everyone has their own personal dark secrets and characteristics about themselves they dont want anyone else to know about.

my suggestion in the future. stop looking and snooping. marriage and love is about trust and commitment. whats the point of living ur life in fear all the damn time! u cant control what other people do. part of falling in love is being willing to allow urself to get close to someone. getting close means becoming vulnerable to being hurt. the question is do u think its worth it.. personally i do.

your sin will find u out. if she is cheating or does cheat, eventually u will find out. live life and trust ur partner or find another one or be alone for god sakes!

[kelkel]

Goode, what the fvck is that in you're avi??? It looks like an ass but I can't tell what's going on.........

You're not alone. I saw it for a couple days thinking great ars but wtf is she wearing!

Reminded myself of a T shirt I saw with this slogan on it:

"I kept wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me"

[redz]

Goode, what the fvck is that in you're avi??? It looks like an ass but I can't tell what's going on.........

Looks like cleavage shot to me.

OP you need to confront this issue.

[ElectraMaddox]

I think everyone is looking into this way too deeply....
From the female mind:
When I had Facebook and I was bored I would look through my 2500 friends and click on random profiles to see what people are doing since I've last seen them. Well I will admit I've looked at a few of my ex's profiles and it was by no means because I still had feelings... It was out if pure curiosity realistically, this is what we do, I dated xxx and we break up time goes by I'm bored I look at his fb. Oh wow he's in a relationship. One damn that was fast. Two lets check her out... Why? Because our whole lives we are taught to look the best we can and the def of physical beauty to many is actresses and models so in our heads... We want to see did he move up or down.... If he moved up our ego is hurt if we moved up and he moved down our ego is boosted. It makes us think he wasn't as valuable as we had thought he was at one point.

Ill tell you this if she had feelings for him, she would have communicated, bumped into him or something to rekindle that past relationship if she is Facebook stalking seriously who cares.... Let her live

This is you're insecurity. She hasn't given you any evidence she is cheating on you. When the writings on the wall you walk. There's no writing and your panties are in a bunch. No offense. I'm just saying this... Your past with getting cheated on you're already speculating she's that type of person. Instead of brining up that you invaded her privacy... I'd be pissed off and embarrassed... Ask her questions about the relationship... What was it like how did she feel about him why did it end...that will give you a very good idea of where her head and her heart are and you won't look like a punk. She'll just assume you're genuinely interested give you honest answers and you'll feel better about the relationship or see is stuck on him and find out why and you'll learn about things she missed from that relationship that she feels is lacking in his one,and at the sometime you're communicating. If you already know their whole story and you're still concerned there's more to this than you're actually saying.

[alexISthrowed]

I think everyone is looking into this way too deeply....
From the female mind:
When I had Facebook and I was bored I would look through my 2500 friends and click on random profiles to see what people are doing since I've last seen them. Well I will admit I've looked at a few of my ex's profiles and it was by no means because I still had feelings... It was out if pure curiosity realistically, this is what we do, I dated xxx and we break up time goes by I'm bored I look at his fb. Oh wow he's in a relationship. One damn that was fast. Two lets check her out... Why? Because our whole lives we are taught to look the best we can and the def of physical beauty to many is actresses and models so in our heads... We want to see did he move up or down.... If he moved up our ego is hurt if we moved up and he moved down our ego is boosted. It makes us think he wasn't as valuable as we had thought he was at one point.

Ill tell you this if she had feelings for him, she would have communicated, bumped into him or something to rekindle that past relationship if she is Facebook stalking seriously who cares.... Let her live

This is you're insecurity. She hasn't given you any evidence she is cheating on you. When the writings on the wall you walk. There's no writing and your panties are in a bunch. No offense. I'm just saying this... Your past with getting cheated on you're already speculating she's that type of person. Instead of brining up that you invaded her privacy... I'd be pissed off and embarrassed... Ask her questions about the relationship... What was it like how did she feel about him why did it end...that will give you a very good idea of where her head and her heart are and you won't look like a punk. She'll just assume you're genuinely interested give you honest answers and you'll feel better about the relationship or see is stuck on him and find out why and you'll learn about things she missed from that relationship that she feels is lacking in his one,and at the sometime you're communicating. If you already know their whole story and you're still concerned there's more to this than you're actually saying.

I agree with this. As long as she is not talking to him who cares, it's Facebook. Facebook ruins too many relationships and it's ridiculous. I Facebook creep on everyone and it's always out of boredom and curiosity. It's would be somewhat of a red flag if she checks it constantly but if it's random then Fvck it! She probably saw a status he put up and went to creep a little bit and see what he's up to. Have you gone to an ex gf's fb page? Maybe you need to hit the gym harder to boost your confidence. All my gf's exes are skinny twinks and she is attracted to muscle so I feel great. Don't go being one of those guys that starts getting crazy and asking if he's got a bigger dick than you in the middle of some sex. Let it go.

[Armykid93]

I agree with this. As long as she is not talking to him who cares, it's Facebook. Facebook ruins too many relationships and it's ridiculous. I Facebook creep on everyone and it's always out of boredom and curiosity. It's would be somewhat of a red flag if she checks it constantly but if it's random then Fvck it! She probably saw a status he put up and went to creep a little bit and see what he's up to. Have you gone to an ex gf's fb page? Maybe you need to hit the gym harder to boost your confidence. All my gf's exes are skinny twinks and she is attracted to muscle so I feel great. Don't go being one of those guys that starts getting crazy and asking if he's got a bigger dick than you in the middle of some sex. Let it go.

There's actually a decent number of marriages in this day and age that end because of Facebook sad really. When I saw the statistic I was blown away but for the life of me I can't remember the number.

[spywizard]

Ok, so im about to marry my fiance and just had a feeling rescently and snooped on her computer. Just before we met she dated this guy fr a short time. Said it didnt work out and they didnt click at all. But now when i looked on her computer history she checks his facebook looks like couple times a week. The guys married now with a kid, and she even looks up the wife too. The last search she was looking through all the photos. I know al this sounds childish, but faceboook is huge and everyone uses it.

Should i bring this up? I dont think shes talking to him at all, but theres just something about it thats bothering me. maybe shes jealous that hes married? Maybe regretting not being with him?

I have been cheated on before and thats why i looked, probably shouldnt have. I love her with everything i have, but afraid my fears are true, or that if i bring it up will lead to a break up to.

Any thoughts?

she is the only one that can make you feel safe... at the same time, why are you empowering her or anyone to have influence over who you are, or what you value..

point being, if you can't trust it, don't kiss it..

[Perseverance1]

You should admit to "having a feeling" call it a weird tingly 6th sense or w/e but say you felt it and then checked up on her and "x" is what you found.


I was with a girl for a long while once and I literally did get a strange feeling when her phone vibrated (had been with her for a couple years and never once checked up/violated her privacy) but this one time I decided to check and sure enough it was a sext...she hadn't done anything with him yet (dude was married) but I ended up dropping her anyway...you just can't let shit like that go.

[ElectraMaddox]

You should admit to "having a feeling" call it a weird tingly 6th sense or w/e but say you felt it and then checked up on her and "x" is what you found.


I was with a girl for a long while once and I literally did get a strange feeling when her phone vibrated (had been with her for a couple years and never once checked up/violated her privacy) but this one time I decided to check and sure enough it was a sext...she hadn't done anything with him yet (dude was married) but I ended up dropping her anyway...you just can't let shit like that go.

I could go on about this but she is a different person one, you never said she communicated, the other one was commuicating with someone. Also, depending on the sext and the frequency of it I would have just had a convo about it put my foot down and said if I see something of that nature again it's a wrap. Then again we are all different, these feelings Come from suspicion or insecurity... Neither one is viable to end a relationship over. I went through this recently too and I reached out to my dad on how to address the situation and he gave me the best advice.... If you convict someone w.o evidence you could lose a good thing bc of you're insecurities but if the other person is in fact doing something wrong, give it time and let it pan out b.c if they are in fact doing something wrong you'll find out. Sure enough in my situation that's exactly what I did and at that point I walked away and it was so easy to get over bc I realized he wasn't the person I thought he was and I knew I deserve better than that. Just stay positive and carry on. You're trying to protect yourself from getting hurt... Instead of trying to protect yourself just rationalize it differently.... She's her own person, if she messes up that's on her nd she is the one who is accountable and she is the one who will have to deal with you leaving her. That doesn't mean you're a bad person or not good enough it means she doesn't have strong enough boundaries to be faithful and you need to move on anyways...

[--->>405<<---]

good advice Electra. OP u cant control another person. even if u could would u really want to? i have lookd at ex's stuff on facebook and have no intentions of ever getting back with them. it is curiosity. have u not done the same?

more importantly u need to let go of this distrust issue u have. it is a lot more freeing to let go than to hang on and try to control and find out and anticipate.. i know how u feel as do a lot of people on here im sure. anyone who has ever been cheated on. ur gonna drive urself crazy if u continue to maintain this type of insecure attitude towards ur significant others. the likelihood of someone cheating on u and u never finding out arent very good. think about it like this: she is planning on marrying u. do u think she would enter into marriage if she wasnt committed? would u? would u marry a woman u were in the process of cheating on or even wanted to cheat on? i sure as hell wouldnt!

[Zodiac82]

Ok, so im about to marry my fiance and just had a feeling rescently and snooped on her computer. Just before we met she dated this guy fr a short time. Said it didnt work out and they didnt click at all. But now when i looked on her computer history she checks his facebook looks like couple times a week. The guys married now with a kid, and she even looks up the wife too. The last search she was looking through all the photos. I know al this sounds childish, but faceboook is huge and everyone uses it.

Should i bring this up? I dont think shes talking to him at all, but theres just something about it thats bothering me. maybe shes jealous that hes married? Maybe regretting not being with him?

I have been cheated on before and thats why i looked, probably shouldnt have. I love her with everything i have, but afraid my fears are true, or that if i bring it up will lead to a break up to.

Any thoughts?

I would definitely say somethin....Its better to know than to assume....and assuming is what gonna eat away at u and make u question other things even if theres nothing really to be questioned. like u said its a couple times a week that shes lookin(seems to be a lil more than needed be) and he was the bf right before u....imo thats two redflags....maybe they're false flags BUT you'll never kno if u dont ask.
btw this is why my fiancée and I dont have fb....causes too much drama and issues

[GirlyGymRat]

Fb is designed for others to look at profiles so not sure why you find this surprising.

Also. Why u go negative??? It could be that she's thinking how much better she is with you!!!!

Do you tend to be jealous?

There's a lot of stress on couples b4 marriage so try to keep everything in perspective.

[Rwy]

When I had facebook I checked my ex gf's every once in awhile. She (dr) is dating a biker who has a tatoo of satan on his neck. I kind of get a kick out of looking at them together.

But if she is checking a few times a week then there is something wrong there.

[JAB1]

Few things. 1.She will be PISSED you went through her shit, guilty or not. Expect it and plan in advance.Do not let that detract form your position
2. THis is very important. Know the answers to the questions you ask. Do not ask what you do not know. This will minimize lies clouding facts, if she does lie, you will know, and not rely on beliveving her, which will be innacurate due to your love and desire to salvage the relationship.
3. Do not let her know what you know, only the bare minimum. Let her lead into her excuse, when and if she lies, call her on it, be firm, and allow her to come clean.
4. She may continue to deny and lie even though she knows it is too late, that is human nature for self preservation.
5. When she does crack and tell the truth, once again not because she is a sweet girl but her mind will depart from lying and go to truth when it becomes assesed that is her last resort at self preservatio,(she will admit what her mind believes she has to, and then beg for frogiveness).
6. Be prepared to hear what you dont want to.

These steps will take place if she has ****ed up and does actually love you, its up to you if you can work through it. If she does not love you she will more than likely not progress through steps, but stay at the first PISSED step and then use it to depart from relationship.

Good luck, and next time, dont snoop. Ignorance is bliss. We are all human and therefore imperfect..

[ElectraMaddox]

Few things. 1.She will be PISSED you went through her shit, guilty or not. Expect it and plan in advance.Do not let that detract form your position
2. THis is very important. Know the answers to the questions you ask. Do not ask what you do not know. This will minimize lies clouding facts, if she does lie, you will know, and not rely on beliveving her, which will be innacurate due to your love and desire to salvage the relationship.
3. Do not let her know what you know, only the bare minimum. Let her lead into her excuse, when and if she lies, call her on it, be firm, and allow her to come clean.
4. She may continue to deny and lie even though she knows it is too late, that is human nature for self preservation.
5. When she does crack and tell the truth, once again not because she is a sweet girl but her mind will depart from lying and go to truth when it becomes assesed that is her last resort at self preservatio,(she will admit what her mind believes she has to, and then beg for frogiveness).
6. Be prepared to hear what you dont want to.

These steps will take place if she has ****ed up and does actually love you, its up to you if you can work through it. If she does not love you she will more than likely not progress through steps, but stay at the first PISSED step and then use it to depart from relationship.

Good luck, and next time, dont snoop. Ignorance is bliss. We are all human and therefore imperfect..

Um sorry to tell you but this is poor advice... You're telling to talk talk to her like she's guilty of doing something wrong... She didn't do jack sh*t to be treated like that and if a dude I was with ESP if I were about to be getting married came at me like that over something that'd try I'd leave him bc that would indicate he's insecure and he is going to make my life miserable.

[ElectraMaddox]

good advice Electra. OP u cant control another person. even if u could would u really want to? i have lookd at ex's stuff on facebook and have no intentions of ever getting back with them. it is curiosity. have u not done the same?

more importantly u need to let go of this distrust issue u have. it is a lot more freeing to let go than to hang on and try to control and find out and anticipate.. i know how u feel as do a lot of people on here im sure. anyone who has ever been cheated on. ur gonna drive urself crazy if u continue to maintain this type of insecure attitude towards ur significant others. the likelihood of someone cheating on u and u never finding out arent very good. think about it like this: she is planning on marrying u. do u think she would enter into marriage if she wasnt committed? would u? would u marry a woman u were in the process of cheating on or even wanted to cheat on? i sure as hell wouldnt!

Exactly.... Finally someone who understands exactly what I was saying...I completely agree with you!

As for op I'd def work on the trust factor b.c. Clearly you're going to have other instances in the relationship where you question her in the future and if you're this upset about Facebook, I could imagine if you saw her with another dude or just anything more than fb and you flip out on her.... If you don't let go of the trust issue you could potentially push her away bc it gets to a point where it's too much... And it may not be now but in the future and that would hurt worse.... All of the successful relationships I've seen have common factors....
1. Both parties genuinely care for each other
2. Both parties are willing to attend and think about their significant other before themselves
3. Both parties are a support system for each other
4. Effective communication
5. Trust
6. Friendship

[Rwy]

I think everyone can agree that is human nature to take a look but if she is looking a few times a week there is cause for alarm.

[cherrydrpepper]

I've been cheated on by one girl before and can tell you there is a statistic out that 50% of all people cheat its just a fact of life. Now I do think that the 50% stat takes way too much into account - people who are separated, people who are being abused, people who were abused as kids, etc etc. But its still a staggering statistic. There are many stats on this issue you can type in "percentage of people who cheat" into google and get all kinds of scary statistics. For me personally the most damning evidence of if someone will cheat or not is whether or not they have cheated in the past. Its not that I don't think these people can change or cheating once necessarily makes you a cheater for life, but yes once you go down that road the first time it is much easier to go down it again and again.

Now how you fix this situation I am not sure to be honest personally I would become CDP Private eye and make you all refer to me as dick from here on out dick as in detective. I think you should invest in a hidden camera you say you are serious about this girl at worst you will get some footage of her playing with her vibrator which is good for the lonely nights she is having a red river assuming you cant take the dirt road and at best(?) you get footage of her being railed by someone other than yourself.