You Mates! Roman's Kabul Blog

[DSM4Life]

my best friend had a smaller wedding in Tx, then two weeks later a huge wedding, limo's, photographers, video photographers, catering, flowers, the whole shebang. i'm glad it was him and not me...

so that's pretty cool your family is ok with this.... you already know that there are a lot of families that would have a heart attack just thinking about it. Sh1t, my father was the typical "Archie Bunker" bigot type, and he probably disown my asss if i were gay. I think a reservation I would have if one of my kids were gay would be more of a grandparent wanting a same DNA grandkid. It's a pretty selfish concern, true. And I think another concern would be safety since I know coming out makes you a target. But I'm remembering all the grief I saw when some guys clearly gay in highschool were tormented. Maybe it aint that way anymore, but I doubt it. If I had to guess, I'd guess being gay still means risking your safety and dignity from harrassment. Am i right?

I am very lucky to have such supporting friends and family. My mom always says "Im not getting any younger, where are the kids?" She likes the idea of a surrogate as oppose to adopting because of the whole family blood line. I have thought about it but am still up in the air for a few reasons. I wouldn't call it selfish its just an option. I do take safety very serious. I grew up in the city around some bad people so i can hold my own but its my b/f that i worry about. He isn't flamboyant (thank god) for anything but he is a little more timid i would say. He wont let anyone push him around but i guess he isn't as aggressive as me so i worry sometimes. This is why my first piece of furniture will be a Springfield xdm


So as you can see when it comes to safety, don't @#$# with me. I wouldn't say we really "risk our dignity" at this age. Now when people try to verbally beat me down for being gay i don't feel sorry for me but rather i feel sorry for them.

[Times Roman]

surrogate, I forgot. hmmmm... that really is a viable option for the dna grandchild thing. the safety thing i'm not so sure about. the reality is ya gotta live your life and just do the best you can. But i keep flashing to highschool, and my good friend Kathy, her brother was gay, and my god! the sh1t that poor bastaard had to put up with. some people you can just tell their gay, even before they start dating. he was like that. was tripped in the halls. spit wads at in class. beat up. Kids are very narrow minded, myself included. but at least i didn't torment him. to finish the story, i went in the military and really forgot all about him. years later, his sister and i become good friends again, go to all the foot ball games and such. so she tells me he actually ended up abouut 6'3" and learned how to fight back. however, like a kid in parochial school on spring break, he went ape sh1t in San Francisco, went to orgies, group steam baths. the rest of the story is fairly cliche. ended up getting aids and died.

let's see if i can bring this tangent back to my point.... my point is that he was tormented and I'd hate to see my kids have to go through all that over something like orientation.

I don't know DSM... the BS gay people have to put up with....

[DSM4Life]

surrogate, I forgot. hmmmm... that really is a viable option for the dna grandchild thing. the safety thing i'm not so sure about. the reality is ya gotta live your life and just do the best you can. But i keep flashing to highschool, and my good friend Kathy, her brother was gay, and my god! the sh1t that poor bastaard had to put up with. some people you can just tell their gay, even before they start dating. he was like that. was tripped in the halls. spit wads at in class. beat up. Kids are very narrow minded, myself included. but at least i didn't torment him. to finish the story, i went in the military and really forgot all about him. years later, his sister and i become good friends again, go to all the foot ball games and such. so she tells me he actually ended up abouut 6'3" and learned how to fight back. however, like a kid in parochial school on spring break, he went ape sh1t in San Francisco, went to orgies, group steam baths. the rest of the story is fairly cliche. ended up getting aids and died.

let's see if i can bring this tangent back to my point.... my point is that he was tormented and I'd hate to see my kids have to go through all that over something like orientation.

I don't know DSM... the BS gay people have to put up with....

Your right but times are changing. People from my generation have gay friends/family members so there is A LOT more respect for gays nowadays. Back then it was different. No one ever came out, there wasn't any support and even society in my eyes at the time didn't support it. That has all changed. Will it bother some people ? Sure but so does interracial couples. Its never going to be a perfect world but this is my world. I deal with it on a daily basis and laughter is my medicine. If i can make someone laugh then it makes me feel good and thats what i continue to do.

Getting back to surrogates. The only reason i don't want to use one is because i really don't want a daughter. Not that i would love her any less but i feel it would be easier for men to raise boys.

[SlimmerMe]

^^^ DSM: I have a question: if you donate your sperm, could that create tension/conflict down the road with your partner? As in your partner possibly feeling left out of the gene pool later on? Even though at this point it might seem all fine and dandy? Instead of it being a 100% level playing field with an adopted child? Just curious if this is a concern and none of my business but if you want to share I would like to hear.

[Times Roman]

easier for men to raise boys? really? me and my daughter are like peas and carrots. my son the young bull, constantly clashes with the old bull, always challenging. he's starting to calm down now, especially now that i am away (old bull gone). But maybe you don't need to be the alpha male in the home? i have no idea, just a question. but in my home, im the alpha male, and my 6'3" 210lbs son thinks he should be the alpha male.

imho, i wouldn't write off girls as being more difficult to raise yet.

isn't there a way to centrifuge your sperm? this could be total BS, but i seem to remember there is a way to do this and seperate x and y dna sperm? if this is true, you may be able to improve the odds of one gender over another

[Times Roman]

^^^ DSM: I have a question: if you donate your sperm, could that create tension/conflict down the road with your partner? As in your partner possibly feeling left out of the gene pool later on? Even though at this point it might seem all fine and dandy? Instead of it being a 100% level playing field with an adopted child? Just curious if this is a concern and none of my business but if you want to share I would like to hear.

one obvious solution is two kids, and two surrogates, one from each male partner

[SlimmerMe]

one obvious solution is two kids, and two surrogates, one from each male partner

BINGO! Great idea. And then he could have a GIRL and a boy. hint hint

[Times Roman]

and they could name the boy after me and the girl after you... I can teach the boy how to play catch, throw a football, take him to boxing matches...

[Times Roman]

but seriously, another one of BRILLIANT moments (sounds like a Guinness commercial) is two kids, and maybe the same surrogate, that way the chilren are actually related? huh? huh? what do you think?

[SlimmerMe]

but seriously, another one of BRILLIANT moments (sounds like a Guinness commercial) is two kids, and maybe the same surrogate, that way the chilren are actually related? huh? huh? what do you think?

Perfect!

[SlimmerMe]

And I could help teach their little girl how to be a sexy tomboy!

[Times Roman]

And I could help teach their little girl how to be a sexy tomboy!

oooh! you just found my button! sexy tomboy. just don't tell anybody, k?

[DSM4Life]

^^^ DSM: I have a question: if you donate your sperm, could that create tension/conflict down the road with your partner? As in your partner possibly feeling left out of the gene pool later on? Even though at this point it might seem all fine and dandy? Instead of it being a 100% level playing field with an adopted child? Just curious if this is a concern and none of my business but if you want to share I would like to hear.

We have talked about this and he said it wouldn't bother him either way. If we were to ever use a surrogate we both decided we would just both donate and leave it up to the swimmers to decide.

[DSM4Life]

one obvious solution is two kids, and two surrogates, one from each male partner

Should only cost about 200,000.00

[Times Roman]

what currency? if it's afs, then 200k divided by 50 = $4k USD

[Times Roman]

We have talked about this and he said it wouldn't bother him either way. If we were to ever use a surrogate we both decided we would just both donate and leave it up to the swimmers to decide.

yeah, but if you are black, and your bf is white with red hair and freckles, it would be pretty easy to tell where the dna came from?

[Times Roman]

sorry, i was trying to be funny

[Tigershark]

DSM is it possible to find a good friend who would be willing to surrogate for you? I know it is a lot to ask of someone but maybe just maybe it could happen.

[DSM4Life]

I just found this :

Application Fee .................................................. .....................$500
Legal Expenses .................................................. .................$15,000

This includes all contract preparation; surrogate selection and monitoring; escrow account supervision; final preparation of the adoption decree, and any other legal work necessary to ensure that the adoption and/or termination of parental rights (if in the IVF/ET program) is successful. If legal work is necessary outside of Indiana, we may need an attorney in that state also represent you, in which case there might be additional legal fees.

Medical Expenses .................................................. .......$5,000 - $20,000

This includes physical exams and sperm count of the father; physical exam, HSG test (if necessary), insemination/embryo transfer, prenatal, delivery, postpartum care for the surrogate. Medical costs will vary greatly depending on how comprehensive the surrogate's health insurance policy is, or if she even has one. If she does not, you must purchase a policy for her. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY EXPENSES NOT COVERED BY HER INSURANCE.

Advertising/Administrative Expenses ................................$5,000

$5000 is about what SMI pays per woman made available to you. If for some reason you need to select a second surrogate, you are charged a reduced ad fee of $2500. If your surrogate does not pass the psychological testing and you select someone else, no additional fee is charged. This fee also includes the administrative costs of our program [all phone calls (our toll free number is provided), regular mailings, faxes, etc.]

Psychological Fees .................................................. ..............$1,600-2,000

These are the costs for the psychological evaluation and testing that the surrogate (and her partner if she is involved with someone), will undergo once she is selected. Also included is consultation during and after the pregnancy, if necessary.

Miscellaneous Surrogate Benefits .................................$750 - $2,000

This includes a $500 maternity clothing allowance; a $100,000 term life insurance policy which must be taken out on the surrogate (costs about $150); travel expenses to/from Indianapolis and one of several different cities for the medical procedures; a $100 daily allowance to compensate the surrogate for such things as lost wages, child care, meals, etc.; and attorney's fees for the surrogate's attorney ($300-$500).

Surrogate's Fee .................................................. ...........$0 - $20,000

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Total approximate expenses, then, will be as little as about $25,000 (if the surrogate is not charging any fee and has insurance, which is very unlikely), or as much as $80,000 (if she is asking for $20,000 and does not have insurance, which also is unlikely). The average total cost, including everything above for the AI program, is around $60,000, and for the IVF/ET program around $70,000. As a general guide, you can figure on at least $35,000 in expenses (includes everything except the surrogate's fee, and assumes a successful pregnancy within the first two tries). If you are participating in the IVF/ET program (or if you have selected an egg donor), the medical expenses may be significantly higher if you try repeated fresh transfers. Your insurance might cover some of these expenses, as well as some of my fees. These costs are intended as a guideline only. The actual costs may or may not exceed these figures. The legal fees, advertising costs, and psychological expenses are guaranteed not to increase once you have signed a contract, and if you withdraw from the program for any reason prior to your surrogate signing the contract, the legal fees are refunded in full.

This was in 2004 and we all know things get more expensive.

[DSM4Life]

DSM is it possible to find a good friend who would be willing to surrogate for you? I know it is a lot to ask of someone but maybe just maybe it could happen.

True but then again in that case i would really prefer a boy over a girl for the childs sake. We still have some time to decide so right now i am just thinking out loud.

yeah, but if you are black, and your bf is white with red hair and freckles, it would be pretty easy to tell where the dna came from?

Can i turn myself black now ?

[Tigershark]

http://www.ehow.com/how_2041128_find...te-mother.html

[Tigershark]

If you want a boy for sure then adopting or fostering would be the way to go. I still think you and your partner should become certified. You do not have to take a child but at least you are in the system and can be emailed about kids needing a home. You don't even have to foster but could even just do respite care for foster parents who want to go away for a weekend.

[KyleJumpjets]

Still in kabul? I Did a combat tour in southwest Kandahar last year (canadian). I heard northern trashghanistan is beautiful.

[Times Roman]

Still in kabul? I Did a combat tour in southwest Kandahar last year (canadian). I heard northern trashghanistan is beautiful.

you are right. I'm here in northern trashghanistan only 1km from the beautiful Kabul River..... where the garbage to water ratio is probably 3:1. The city of beautiful outdoor open sewers. Where men are, uh... and women are, well, you can't actually see the women under the burka, so you just assume it's female under there.

But you are right mate! On a night like tonight when you can't see a thing, the city is simply beautiful!

[Times Roman]

True but then again in that case i would really prefer a boy over a girl for the childs sake. We still have some time to decide so right now i am just thinking out loud.



Can i turn myself black now ?

just push the button. it's automated, nothing else to do cept wait.


and btw... adopting or surrogating the way you see in the ad is the most expensive way. you can do this yourself, recruit a surrogate, draft an agreement and have it reviewed for legality. Save big$$

[DSM4Life]

If you want a boy for sure then adopting or fostering would be the way to go. I still think you and your partner should become certified. You do not have to take a child but at least you are in the system and can be emailed about kids needing a home. You don't even have to foster but could even just do respite care for foster parents who want to go away for a weekend.

I dont know if i could foster. I would get so attached to a child only to have him taken away. I'm not sure i could do that.

[Times Roman]

yes. fostering is tough. foster kids bring with them alot of baggage as well...

[SlimmerMe]

I dont know if i could foster. I would get so attached to a child only to have him taken away. I'm not sure i could do that.

There are some kids who when fostered actually come with NO intentions of EVER returning to their home and are available for adoption should you so desire once you start fostering them. The court will not allow their return so this is why this happens and yes there is always a smidgen of a chance but the Foster Advisor would know the chances if any.

[SlimmerMe]

yes. fostering is tough. foster kids bring with them alot of baggage as well...

and the baggage? yes this is true. But once the process starts 99% of the "work study" is spent on what the Foster Parent can and is willing to handle. The last thing they want to happen is to create a bad match. And what some people might find offensive and not being able to deal with, others might not. So this would all be stated up front as to where the line would be drawn.

Most negative issues? bed wetting, masturbating in public ( yes this is a BIG problem and serious one), animal abuse, delinquent behavior, hitting others, clingers who cannot leave your side, and so forth......

And the flip side? the positives? Saving a soul while saving your own.

[Times Roman]

^ sorry. i wasn't suggesting by the "alot of baggage" quip that it is not a worth while endeavor. But you just need to be ready for it. The few foster kids I've seen, I think they act out to get attention, and lie-ing seems to be a common denominator also. I get a little angry about this one foster girl that used to live in our neighborhood. Her parents, my understanding, were really bad drunks and druggies. They did NOTHING for their kids, including NOT feeding them! how the hell can a parent be like that? If I saw that, it would be asss whooping time for sure

[SlimmerMe]

^^^ I knew you were not saying not a worthwhile endeavor...I was merely finishing my thought.

Anyway...LET"s TALK ABOUT YOU!

[Times Roman]

me? I'd rather talk about something interesting? oh wait, were in the Kabul thread.... ok... lessee

oh, I had lamb chops, scallop potatos (just a smidgen), sauteed spinich and a few other veggies for dinner. How does that sound? Thisisthe chef I hired yesterday!

[Times Roman]

So i hired this young man today to be my project accountant, and we are shooting the breeze at the end of the day. He asks me if I workout, and I say I do. So he confesses... "I want to be big like you"... (no worries mates, not bragging, it's easy to be big when everyone else is thin). So he says he goes to the gym blah blah blah...

he says he goes 4 or 5 times a week.

I ask him on the first day, what does he do?

Benchpress!

second day?

Lats!

Third day?

Triceps

and on it goes this way...

So which day do you focus on your legs?

Legs?

Yeah, your legs! You know.. the biggest muscles in your body are in your legs, so which day do you focus on that?

Uh..... ?

Hmmm......

So now I am going to mentor this young kid how to bulk up.

He knows nothing about diet, either... or rest.

But he knows creatine!

and protein powder...

but other than that... nothing

So tomorrow, we learn diet and how/when to eat.

[DSM4Life]

I need to poop but dont want to get up.

[Times Roman]

I need to poop but dont want to get up.

and yet another way to bulk up?

maximize your intake, and eliminate your output. It might not be ideal, but you will increase your mass. Just avoid the poop =)

[DSM4Life]

Or I could let it out but recycle.

[Times Roman]

Or I could let it out but recycle.

well, I guess you could hook up a garden hose to your butt and close the loop by attaching the other end to your mouth?

recommend listerine then

[chi]

just farted

[Times Roman]

I'm betting you didn't have the garden hose hooked up?

[Tigershark]

Hey TR, how is it going.
Work asked me to get a concealed weapon permit. Got any advice on what type of handgun to look for?